Being an adult means filing taxes...

I was trying to be all adult-like and get some stuff done tonight.  Like buying tickets for my upcoming trips and filing my taxes.  Turns out I have to budget money to buy airfare+hotels+car packages.  Who knew?  And one of my employers got my SSN wrong on my W-2.  So that's that.

I've been reading some super interesting articles lately, so I thought I'd share a few.  This one is about getting participation trophies and how kids either feel embarrassed or entitled because of it and that can affect us as adults.  This one is about the Philly Land Bank and the effort to turn our abandoned lots into actual revenue producing properties that raise value and moral.  Very interesting thing for our city - I really hope it works.

Keepin' it short and sweet.

Drugs, not Hugs

In this day and age, I think recreational drug use is "in" but I'm not entirely sure.  I know a few of my friends go to raves all the time and have awesome experiences, but I also know a few of my friends that say "Raves?  It's not 1998."  No matter what's "cool", people will always being using drugs.

There are like 100 people who are coming down off Oxycontin right now in my West Philly neighborhood because their dealer got caught.  And is charged with like 78,000 counts of murder.  He is gross.  And the addicts are slightly dangerous.

Luckily, they now have a resource that is free and cheap.  Unfortunately, I may die because of it.  You know what I'm talking about.  It's the newest fad.  And I kid you not - bath salts.

Yea, I got those for my mom for Christmas.  I bet she is having a blast right now.  While possibly murdering my father.  [Just kidding!]  "Bath Salts" are the new drug on the market.

Apparently, it is a cheap and legal in around 47 states.  And it produces a killer high.

...Authorities have had "bizarre medical calls" from bath-salt users, including one man who tried to tear apart the back of a patrol car with his teeth and a woman who attacked her mother with a machete...Users report a feeling of euphoria, increased sociability and productivity and often sexual arousal. ... Health officials say the drugs also can produce extreme paranoia, hallucinations and hostility in their users.

... The back-seat biter required seven deputies to subdue him.... 

Bath and Body Works better jump on this new opportunity.  I bet if they add scents, it will become more mainstream.  They could even sell tickets to people for "bath salt" events - who wouldn't pay to watch 50 crabby old women take a bunch of drugs and beat each other up?

My personal opinion:  sounds like alcohol, except more hardcore.  Yes, I think I'll try them.  I heard patrol car seats taste like chikin.

The Weather Outside is Frightful

Last night, I decided to go to the gym to keep up with my goal of losing 50 lbs.  On the way back I literally got a brain freeze from the incessant sleet.  Later, I had to leave the house again and on the way back sludge through about a foot of snow.  This is what my stoop looked like:

At least snow is pretty!  And today most people got a 2 hour delay, which is nice.  Most people in other cities are calling us Philadelphians wimps right now.  The truth of the matter is, their just jealous that their wimpy city doesn't shut down after more than 6 inches of snow.  Oh, and we're so broke we can't plow or salt very often!  Win-win for us taxpayers.

Today, I have lots to ponder.  Like why on earth Will Ferrell would be coming on the "Office".  I'm really glad TV shows can recruit talent, but the poor "Office" is going to be super weird and awkward in the last 8 episodes which sucks for the show's history.  I may not like the "Office" but I do like TV and I hate Will Ferrell.

I also get to ponder how on earth Lady Gaga's song Telephone is a children's book.  Yes, yes it is.  No, no I kid you not, even I am not that creative/funny.  I think kids of the next few generations will have a very skewed handle of the English language.  And of nutrition and weight control.

Oh, and now for Finance homework and maybe studying for an exam I may or may not have in 4 hours.  Now that's something to ponder!

Maximizing Utility

And there it is folks, it's all in the title.  Ima geek for economics.  Which is why I'm "concentrating" in economics for my MBA.  In fact, I'm concentrating so hard on it, that I have to take 3 whole classes.

At the breakfast table, the blonde wouldn't stop staring at the orange juice container.  Why?  Because it say "100% concentrate".

Ba-da-dum!  Thanks, I'll be here all week!

On a side note, grad school has actually helped me become smarter.  I walked into the classroom I thought ECON 698 was taught in, looked at all the young, eager, fresh-faced kids, realized that they were in no way grad students, and left.  They looked at me kind of funny, but I ended up in the right classroom before the embarrassing "this class is BLAH 666, so if you're in the wrong classroom leave now.  Let's do roll."

Anyway....utility = happiness in economics.  For 5 years now, I've worked 30-45 hours a week while taking a full class load.  In the nine months I have left of college, I'm going to work 25 hours a weekend, and take the weekdays off.  And while I may not be happy this weekend flinging margaritas and wing jawns at people, this week has been one of the happiest of my college experience.  Hanging out with my cat (Nelly) and doing homework.  And sending ridiculous emails to my roommates.

For example:
----------------------------------------------------------
Subject:  the reason why nelly has three names
To:  my roomies

http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/tseliot/5536

bahahaha i wish i had actually planned this.

---------------------------------------------------------

The link is to TS Eliot (and no Google, I did not mean TS Elliot) and his poem about why cats have three names.  

My cat's name:  Nelly Shaniqua Furtado.  

I really do wish I had planned it.

ANYway.  There is no substance to this post.  But, maybe tomorrow?  OH WAIT.  17 hour shift tomorrow.  Maybe Monday!  If I can find time between hanging out with Nelly and sending my roommates annoying retarded emails.  I lead a rough life.  I know, I should write a book and sell the movie rights to Lifetime.

Headlines You Should Read:

Walmart has Saboteurs 

 What PA should do

Jimmy Eat World's New Album Rocks (and so does Liz's new blog header)

What Justin Bieber Said

 What Kurt Cobain Said Back

PIctures Are Sometimes More Eloquent

Here's a shocker - I've been to a lot of bars lately.  Some marketing guru somewhere thought it would be a great idea to put advertisements in the bathroom.  I mean, what else are people gonna try to read while they are in there?  Not many people take comic books or regular books into a pub's restroom with them - that just downright says "I'm an alcoholic who can't leave the bar long enough to take a dump at home."

Luckily, I always take my phone.  One of the few reasons I would like a smartphone (specifically an iPhone) is so that I can do "check ins" on foursquare.

Because I want a free taco at a bar that charges 75 cents for a Miller High Life.
Classy. Lady. Right. Here.

This is in the bathroom at a local favorite bar of mine, Local 44.  I'm not sure why I took a picture of it or what it says.  But it was funny at the time.  Maybe just because it was in the bathroom.  Next time I go I will take a better picture.  It's a one room bathroom so it's not like I should've been rushing to get the picture in for fear that someone would see me and think I was strange.  [Like that doesn't happen all the time anyway].

Here are the two token pictures of my trip to AC.  Don't ask about the first one.  I must've been the same level of drunk for the last picture and this next one.  Same night.  No judgies.

Ya know how it goes.

Yea, we were there for the sunrise.  All of my friends said "ahh, how romantic."  I told them to shut the hell up, it was about as romantic as me trying not to toss my cookies at brunch.  It could've been.  I'm just a little dense.

The next picture is a throwback from June.  My friend saw it on Facebook and was like "will you take pictures at my wedding?  I love the filter on your camera."

Little did she know the recipe for that filter is a $25 Kodak digital camera and a bottle of carpet cleaner leaked in a purse and shaken around.

At least that could be my wedding gift to her.  Much like these chairs were a housewarming gift to me from my parents.  Four chairs, $16 bucks, and dragging them around a thrift store, up the street, to the Ford Focus later....

...we're going to have to chain them up in our backyard.  Our neighborhood has not gotten any safer.  Two shootings and a cop stabbing later, this is a regular day in our 'hood.

At least Nelly is still alive.  And as cute as ever.

It's Summertime & The Living's Easy

Things I couldn’t flesh out into full entries:

The internet is ending.  No, seriously.  It is.  CNN said so.  In other news, the supply of fresh seawater and fresh oil is almost depleted.  They will now be mixed.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yoko Ono is usually blamed for the end of the Beatles.  My roommate Liz informs me that Yoko Ono did NOT make the Beatles break up because blah, blah, blah (sorry Liz, I didn’t pay attention, I was focusing on sangria).  However, had the Beatles not broken up when they did, they might be look back upon like the Backstreet Boys – some catchy songs but should’ve ended it while it was good.  Oh, wait. What did the Backstreet Boys sing again?

Since when did interviews get so intense?  I had to take a test.  It was like the third grader version of the GMATs but still!  At least it went fairly well, here’s to hoping!

Work has been super slow lately.  All the Penn kids have left and I am stuck with making $85 on a weeknight (excluding Friday) instead of $150.  I was extremely bored the entire time.  At least I got to watch the Flyers game Monday.  Oh, and write an Art History paper.   Oh, and play 14 rounds of hangman.  Oh, and eat a million and one donuts. 

Anyway….I didn’t bring a book to work Monday because I didn’t know who was managing and whether or not I would get in trouble.  I will not be making that mistake tonight though.  While I was buying my cap and gown ($100 by the way, WTF) I found “Waiter Rant” in the bargain bin.  HECK. YES.  So excited to read it.

And last but not least, let me add that this is my last week of undergraduate classes.  I’m rather torn up about it, as I usually am when leaving something so familiar.  Every year, my birthday falls during finals week.  Normally, I just celebrate and don’t study.  This year however, college has given me its first gift.

ALL of my finals fall directly on my birthday.  But, because I’m a graduating senior, I don’t have to take any of them. 

Dear University,

Thanks for removing the shaft as a final farewell & happy birthday gift by exempting graduating seniors from finals which all fall directly on my birthday.

Here's a check for $8,000 for my first term of grad school tuition.

xoxo,
Andrea

Beach this weekend??

News in a Nutshell

(I want to preface this post with saying that this is a satire.  Because I say some very opinionated things in here that could be taken as hate towards Philadelphia or the government.  But really, I get all warm and fuzzy inside every time I think about both subjects.  Damn, I just can't stop being satanical satirical.)

At Loretta's last night, we watched Law & Order SVU which was immediately followed by an ad for Law & Order LA.  Seriously L&O.  Seriously?  Why don't you just name yourselves PDA (Police Department/District Attorney), team yourselves up with CSI and whore yourselves out start investigating in every city.  I may be biased and angry based on the fact you are getting rid of Stabler.  Stabler.  The person everyone fantasizes about.  How are you going to replace him?!?!  (Who else would be immediately attractive after getting raped?!?!)

After SVU was over, the news came on.  They enticed us with several interesting pieces which I immediately (and cynically) told Loretta would be on at 11:55, instead of 11.  Since they went straight to the stuff I wanted to hear, I'll regurgitate it here.  In a much more interesting way.  Also without a fake smile on my face.  Seriously.  Frowning.  Right now.

First up was about our lovely city being in movies.  For instance, Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro are filming The Dark Fields here now.  And guess what?!  My friend is in the movie!!!  He got to meet Bradley Cooper and do a whole scene with him!  Super duper exciting!!!  I wish I was an actress sometimes.  But I know I would just look at Bradley Cooper with please-do-me eyes and never get a word in edgewise.

My friend was not on the news.  So moving on.  Pennsylvania apparently provided about $74 million in tax breaks to the film industry if they film the majority of any production in PA in 2009 (and every year prior).  This helps with job security and getting Pennsylvania on the big screen.  This year however, the budget has already been allocated to projects currently (or soon to begin) filming.  Therefore, filming crews blocking roads and sidewalks and bike lanes will be significantly reduced...until PA gets their priorities straight and stops giving money to the public school systems.  (Come on, we already shut down the libraries, let's just get rid of kindergardeners.  Who needs them it?)

This filming loss is obviously tragic for Philly since things like "Rocky" and "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" keep this city running day-to-day.  Who will we look up to now?  And what will the public do if there aren't random green men running around the city?!

How about Sir Richard.  That's right.  Next item in the news was about Sir Richard's Tavern.  Conveniently located on 44th and Lancaster Ave.  Apparently an ex-convict owns it and it is number 4 on Philly's Finest's "most dangerous/most police calls and visits for a bar" list.  I'll tell you what.  Why don't you come over, and we'll hop on the 10 Trolley.  $2 and about 30 seconds later, we'll be there!  Afterwards, we can make all the bad decisions we want to because on the way back, the 10 Trolley will drop us off right in front of an abortion clinic.  Don't worry they're real cheap.  It costs about $5, as long as they don't have to wash their hands and can keep the fetus in a jar for kicks and giggles.  It's only slightly illegal.

It's about as illegal as Sir Richard's Tavern.  I mean, they only run a small amount of drugs and only a little more guns/ammo out of there every week.  I'm sure they'll hook us up with a few free shots.  Alcoholic.  Maybe.

That's the furthest Loretta and I got in the news department.  I bid her adieu after beating her pants of at Wii Golf and rode off into the darkness while contemplating how cold the beer at Sir Richard's would be.

What I should have been contemplating was the new poverty estimate.  For a family of four, $60,000 a year to scrap by.  In Philly that is.  In Ethiopia they'd probably be rich.  Just sayin'.

No Buns

Last night as we were eating a healthy dinner of tzatziki, pita, and roasted vegetables, the subject of KFC's new Double Down sandwich was brought up. A bit too drunk to remember what I had read in this article earlier in the day, I told my roommates I'd blog about it and tell them how wrong their outlook on life was today.

Let's keep in mind this sandwich

is also available in grilled form. However, vegetarians are out of luck.

Everyone is ridiculously offended that the sandwich only contains meat and cheese. In the words of a highly intelligent friend "what's next, a Big Mac where you have to hold the burger patties?" I just want to point out, this sandwich is only missing the buns. Just like the iPhone is only missing press buttons. No big deal.

However, the sandwich in its deep fried glory is only 540 calories. Only about a 1/4 of what a sedentary, old cat lady would have to eat per day to keep a constant weight.

Yes, you can find me munching on this is 60 years. Don't judge.

I'm sure the sodium and cholesterol is outta this world. However, overall the sandwich has done very little to cause such an outrage. Many diners across this world produce way more unhealthy things. Think about the eating contests that boast 3 lbs of meat per meal. No good sir, no good.

KFC will be done serving the Double Down in about 2 weeks. However, have no doubt that other fast food chains will come up with similar offerings. Arby's being last since they just recently introduced a "value" menu. Way to jump on the bandwagon like 4 years after every other fast food chain ever made a dollar menu. And like 18 months after the worse of the recession.

So in two years expect an Arby's sandwich consisting of only roastbeef, cheese and curly fries.

I AM SO HUNGRY.

I Broke the Seal

So, today is a snow day. Or maybe it is a precursor to a snow day. Regardless, I did my best to make sure that I visited the liquor store. To the excitement of my roomies.

AND SO DID EVERYONE ELSE. The line was hella long.

I already broke the seal. Moved on from a bottle of wine with Liz, to a handle of vodka that hopefully will last til tomorrow.

Snow days = hot chocolate, liquor, sleep, movies, trashy TV, no work, schoolwork, lots of food, lots of chocolate, a lot of venting, and some catching up on household chores. And of course, sledding.

Can't wait.

Until then, here are some photos from the already snowed-in Philadelphia landscape.

Extremely Rare

Like most girls, I have a self-confidence issue. Mine pertains mostly to the whole "no one would wanna sleep/date/makeout a lil with me" ordeal, rather than the "I always look like crap" or the "I won't eat because someone called me fat" or the "I can't hang because I think I'm dumb, boring, and ugly." Or maybe I'm just naive. Based on my past experience, I'm probably just really naive.

Over the past year, things have changed a lot for me though. I've had multiple hookups, a bf or two, and someone crushing on me. However, being a typical crazy girl, I didn't really "get it" until the other day at work when I had a conversation with a regular.

A bartender at work really wants to sleep with me. We always make inappropriate jokes towards each other, and the regular (Nate) always hears it. The other day I told Nate: you know, it's all in good fun, but he really does wanna sleep with me. And Nate responded: I don't blame him. Wtf?!?! Really?!?! People see me in this light?!?! Weird.

That day me and the bartender both got off work early and decided to go to a local Irish pub for a few drinks. Luckily, we met my roommate Liz on the way, who decided to join us. This provided me with a much needed safety blanket. We all had a great time, and, per usual, I awkwardly paid for nothing. But, per usual, our tab was a fraction of what it should've been, so I don't feel as bad I do normally.

The entire time I could only think about "THE TALK" that was looming with another man. Everyone's been there and I've been here twice. The first time I had to have the talk with a man, it wasn't as big of a deal because I knew we would easily stay friends, and I also knew exactly what would happen. For those of you wondering what "THE TALK" entails...long story short, I've been with this guy for 9 months now, and the past 4 have made some sort of emotional attachment/relationship develop. Now I like him and he likes me. So we have to make a conscious decision to move on or stop. There's no in-between. There's either a dreaded relationship or the end of a really great situation.

We had the talk last night. It took me three weeks to decide that I actually want to continue this relationship, continue being happy. Now, I have to wait for him to decide if that's also what he wants. I hate this. I have to wait. And I'm not at all sure about the outcome.

So the weekend will be devoted to restraining my texting, hanging out with friends, drinking beer as the snow falls, and just waiting. Waiting for someone who has become a huge part of my life to decide whether he will continue to be a huge part of my life. Next week, I may have to figure out how to fill a void.

This is an extremely rare situation for me, and I am not at all enjoying it.

Cheers.

PBR (and how the hipsters ruined it)

This scene has played out many times in my life, and across Philadelphia...

Dick: "Yo, let's play some beer pong. Let's pregame. Let's go out!" (throws fist in the air)

Jane: "Well, I don't have that much money."

James: "It doesn't matter. We'll bike to the store, get some PBR, then we can go to Oscar's that has a 22 oz of PBR for $2.50!"

Dick, Jane, James: "YEAH! GO PBR!"

Someone irrelevant: "PBR sucks balls."

Dick, Jane, James: "YEA, well you can drink whatever you want (gives crazy look that could be interpreted as a threat). GO PBR!"

That's because I hang around with a lot of hipster-esque people. And broke people. And people that live in Philly/college scene. And people who appreciate PBR for what it is - a hipster beer that is cheap and relatively good compared to what you'd expect for a beer that is the same price as a can of Coke.

Then those damn marketing people went and ruined a good thing.

NBC Headline: Pabst Blue Ribbon More Popular than Ever Now; Sorry, Hipsters.

Usually found smoking European cigarettes and/or cloves, hipsters are known for their despise of anything "mainstream" and their fondness for irony. They listen to bands that no one has ever heard of and start fashion trends that are cool because of their "uncoolness", e.g., trucker hats or vintage plaid shirts.

This is where Pabst Blue Ribbon comes in.

"It's an anti-establishment badge," said a major market wholesaler. "It seems to play to the retro, nonconformist crowd pretty well."

Hipsters enjoy drinking a beer that isn't as "established" as other better-known brands, asserting themselves are more "genuine" and "unique" than the mainstream that surrounds them.

They should be careful though. With the incredible rise in sales, Pabst Blue Ribbon could become so popular, it may enter the mainstream, and hipsters will have to abandon it in favor of another "cheap" beer.

Yes, I understand that the hipsters will give it up now that it has become popular. That's why they said "Sorry, Hipsters." But, I think PBR should think again. If it's really spreading, it will spread out past the hipsters, to people like me. And more importantly, older, wealthier versions of me. Price will jump again and PBR will have to be replaced.

And that's the scary part.

WHAT WILL THE HIPSTERS GO TO NEXT?!?!?!?!

Insomnia is the Best

I'm afraid of a lot of things. But there is one thing in particular that I am very scared of. This fear causes me to only be able to sleep soundly during the daylight hours, which doesn't exactly help me when I need to wake up early for something. If you hadn't noticed, my last blog post (and now this one) will be posted before most people are even awake and start to think about procrastinating, however, I am just trying to go to sleep.

Insomnia is actually a symptom, not a disease. Interesting, huh? I feel like most people think it is an actual disorder. How is it treated? Gotta deal with whatever is causing it, which could be anything from noise to estrogen to a messed up Circadian Cycle. Or it is cause by extreme stress, anxiety, or psychotic drugs. I feel like the latter problems are a tad bit more difficult to fix.

Onto even more depressing things than lack of sleep, I've been thinking recently about rape statistics and how I think they are downplayed. I just did the math (loosely, so it could very well be wrong). 1 in 6 women are sexually assaulted. Let's say about 1/2 of the men that commit these assaults are repeat offenders (the rate is probably higher, most likely 75% are repeat offenders). So, 16% of women are victims, which means about 8% of men are the offenders. 73% of women know their attackers, which means 3% of the men we know may be rapists. Statistically speaking of course. That's a lot. Or at least, I think it's a lot. Especially since I'm in college which ups the chances of rapage by 4 times. There's all kinds of things that could make that number lower - like let's say not all women are attacked by men, or if we use the 75%, it's more like 1%.

Not to downplay the men's side. 1 in 33 men are sexually assaulted. Sorry, guys, I truly am. I'm also sorry this is so depressing. Honestly, I think it's just interesting data.

Speaking of interesting data, watch this video. It's this cute little old man that uses data to de-bunk third world myths. Sure, it's not the funniest or most interesting thing I've ever posted, but totally worth while.

Have a great Friday!

Tuesday News Roundup

Another Tuesday brings another round of news titles from Cnn.com. What they make the article sound like, and what the article probably is about.

Latest News:

Poll finds Americans angry, worried
Sounds Like: “We vent o’re to Ame’ica and de vere depressed.”

Probably Is: Describes most of the world – but America’s deserves the center of attention
CNNMoney: Stocks poised for tough start
Sounds Like: Stocks, racer in Indy 500, faces a tough start today for the World Championship

Probably Is: Wall Street up in arms again
CNNMoney: Stimulus talk picks up -- but how?
Sounds Like: I mean, they decided to play Quaker meeting, so how are they talking about it? Did they all lose?

Probably Is: Some reporter amazed that talks about how to fix the economy are in progress?
Ousted Thai leader guilty of corruption
Sounds Like: Thailand (or Tie-dye-land, as it is formally called) threw a coup and found corruption

Probably Is: Corruption. In a government. No. Freakin. Way.
Nevada boy's abduction brings 2nd arrest
Sounds Like: Nevada boy, Nevada’s own superhero, was kidnapped by 2 evil spawns

Probably Is: A boy from Nevada kidnapped – it took 2 people.
Protesters try to block Palin's car
Sounds Like: “Yo man, we don’t like Sarah Palin. She only likes the North Pole. Lets throw blocks at her car.”

Probably Is: “Yo man, I bet if we stand in front of Palin’s car and don’t let her or the Secret Service move, it will convince a lot of people to vote against McCain-Palin for…uhhhh….ummmm…whats-his-face?”
Obama will leave trail to visit ailing grandmother
Sounds Like: Leaving the formally unchartered Alaskan wilderness frontier, lead expeditioner Obama visits dying grandmother.

Probably Is: Obama’s granny is dying. That’s really sad no matter who you are :(.
Ticker: Palin has new nickname for Obama
Sounds Like: Caribou Barbie has new nickname for “Barack the Wealthy Spender”

Probably Is: GOP – you guys HAVE to work on your nicknames. Caribou Barbie sticks SOOO much better than “Barack the Wealthy Spender”
Brown: Candidates too cagey on health records
Sounds Like: Candidates erect cages around health records, may fight in them later.

Probably Is: Obama and McCain are too “Wary, careful, shrewd; uncommunicative; unwilling or hesitant to give information” on health records
Voters say their parties were switched
Sounds Like: The GOP & the Dems reserved rooms, paperwork got f-ed up, attendees showed up to WRONG party…oh my!

Probably Is: Voter fraud? Someone in the GOP got smart.
iReport.com: Send your questions for McCain
Sounds Like: McCain is taking unfiltered questions

Probably Is: McCain’s PR guy is taking filtered questions
Stunt cyclist helps cops convict him
Sounds Like: Stunt cyclist puts on own handcuffs

Probably Is: Stunt cyclists ask cops if they have seen his video on YouTube. Well they hadn’t, but once they had…
Greg Brady dishes on Marcia, romance
Sounds Like: The Brady Bunch is giving us the scoop on Marcia new romance

Probably Is: Uhhhhh….
CNN Hero of the Year: Vote now
Sounds Like: You can be the CNN Hero, just go vote

Probably Is: Vote for the people who are obviously better than you for Hero of the Year
CNN Wire: ‘Sex on beach’ couple free on...
Sounds Like: Porno stars in “Sex on Beach” free
Probably Is: A couple had sex on the beach…and got caught…and then went free
Unhappy STD news? Send an e-card
Sounds Like: Got an STD? Tell your partner through and e-card.
Probably Is: Got an STD? Tell your partner through and e-card. HILARIOUS.

I HAD to look the last one up. Here's a picture...

News Round-up

Srav, this is for you. I took the time to do a longer one, because I knew you needed it.

So, today on CNN.com, I took the latest news titles and dissected them. I claim no truth to what I say, besides these are actual headlines.

CNNMoney: Wall Street cheers rate cut
Sounds Like: The street named Wall when out for drinks
Probably Is: The financial district is happy about some half-baked rate cut

McCain, Obama debate economy, taxes
Sounds Like: The last 5 months.
Probably Is: The same debate that has been happening for the past 5 months.

Obama picks up 2nd debate win, viewers say
Sounds Like: In an unexciting 2nd game, Obama picks up the win for the Demos, the Reps are at 0-2 for the season.
Probably Is: Obama won another debate. No way.

Report Card: How did they rate?
Sounds Like: Grades for strip clubs, get ‘em here.
Probably Is: Grades for hookers? (OH DUH, its about the election, like everything is!)

iReport.com: Who do you think won?
Sounds Like: In the “who’s is bigger?” contest last night, who measured up?
Probably Is: Another debate summary.

Full debate: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Sounds Like: An awful trilogy
Probably Is: Video coverage of McCain not having upper teeth, and Obama making semi-witty remarks.

See all debate videos Highlights, analysis
Sounds Like: BORING
Probably Is: BORING

Ticker: McCain debate moment targeted
Sounds Like: Unfair play, replays played, slow-mo, refs called incompetent
Probably Is: McCain said something stupid, like a racial slur, and someone caught it, and now the media is having a field day.

Age, health questions continue for McCain
Sounds Like: Are you gonna die soon?
Probably Is: Are you gonna die soon – in politically correct terms of course!

Fact Check: They said it. Was it true?
Sounds Like: Someone’s checking facts?!?
Probably Is: An attempt to catch someone lying.

AIG's post-bailout spa trip angers lawmakers
Sounds Like: After bailing out on lawmakers to go to the spa, they’re gonna get SUED!
Probably Is: AIG pulled an Enron – or at least something too close to comfort

Female suicide bomber kills 9 in Iraq
Sounds Like: They started letting women do things in Iraq?!?
Probably Is: They only started letting women kill themselves in Iraq.

Mom wants out of house to seek missing tot
Sounds Like: Mom wants to get out of bed to find the missing tater tot.
Probably Is: Mom is a suspect, but still wants to search for her kid – probably because she knows where he is.

SI: Mets reliever held in hit-and-run that killed 2
Sounds Like: Benchwarmer had a double that took out 2 bases - held for steroid suspicions.
Probably Is: Benchwarmer is a crappy driver and didn’t want to pay the consequences. Jerk.

Bill Murray says divorce is worst thing ever
Sounds Like: Bill Murray says divorce is worse than starving kids in Africa, AIDS, cancer, and eating bugs.
Probably Is: Bill Murray complains about his posh life.

Tiger Woods announces golf course project
Sounds Like: There is a project, involving golf, a course, a Tiger and a Woods.
Probably Is: Tiger Woods finally builds a golf course.

'Half-naked women' try out for football
Sounds Like: Yo, NEW SPORT – BETTER RATINGS!
Probably Is: Cheerleading?

5-legged toad appears to wave hello
Sounds Like: Mutant Ninja Toad on Mars appears to be waving to the Man in the Moon.
Probably Is: WTF? And who cares?