Mo' Monies, Mo' Problems

I have so many ideas.

Yesterday as I was walking to work, I thought about commuting and how we should get paid for it.  See, I’m supposed to be at work at 8:30.  Quite frankly, that’s a little bit early for me.  On most days, like today, I spend an extra 10 minutes in bed, an extra 5 minutes in the warm shower, another extra 5 minutes critiquing my dress and changing, and then as I’m rushing to pour the coffee and pack my lunch the clock reads 8:25 and I have to look for my phone.  Which is nowhere to be found.  Because it is already in my bag.

That 20 extra minutes of nothingness eats up the 20 minutes I saved to walk to work.  So as I’m walking, I’m getting paid.  

And shouldn’t I be getting paid?  I mean, I’m either walking or cycling to work.  That’s GREAT for the environment and cuts down on traffic and parking for other city residents/employees.  Wait, shouldn’t everyone be getting paid to commute? I mean, we wouldn’t be using that time up if we didn’t have to get to our job…

Incentives.  We learned about them in B-school.  How are the ways one commutes to work?  Car, train, subway, bus, walk, cycle, sleepwalk…  So, we have driving in vehicles, walking/cycling, or taking public transit.  I’m sure there are other ways, but for simplicities sake, let’s just stick with these three.  

Driving

Let’s say people who drive get paid for gas and a small per mile rate for wear-and-tear and insurance.  HOLD IT.  You say that people would be willing to drive farther for work then, tearing up the environment and causing traffic jams and doing the total opposite of what the program is supposed to achieve?!?!

Just wait until you hear the rest of the idea!

Public Transit

Workers that take public transit get compensated for the fares plus extra money for taking a slightly more “green” route to work.  I didn’t think about how much compensation, but enough to make the car people jealous.  Maybe like $10 a week?

Walkers/Bikers

These people get the most money.  After all, besides crop dusting, they are causing the least amount of harm to the environment and also cutting down on traffic and tied-up parking.  I believe these people should get compensated (by a block = mile) at the same rate they would if they were driving.  Without the cost of driving, they make out the best.

And hence the people who are doing the least harm, both societal and environmental get paid for it.

Oh yes, there are many problems with this plan.  Whose gonna pay for it?  Why are we getting paid to commute?  WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, I HAVE TO DRIVE AND IT’S NOT FAIR, DAMMIT.

It’s a theoretical plan.  Over time, the people that “have to drive” would either move closer or get a new job.  Local hires would be more prevalent, making the tax cuts some companies get for building in certain neighborhoods actually work for the community.  It’s not perfect, but does utopia exist?

On my imaginary private island it does!

[While I “get paid” to commute, I don’t take a lunch, so it makes up for it.  Not a slacker or dishonest worker, promise.]

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

While at my brother's graduation, I got a little distracted.  Obviously...those ceremonies are long.  So I did something I haven't done in a long time...cloud watched!

While I didn't take a picture of the elephant cloud, I did take a picture of the balloons they released.

I also took a picture of the chipmunk that was mounted on the football field's goal post.  Seriously? WTF?

Later that week when we stopped to see my 90 year old grandma, we were greeted by the ugliest cat ever carrying around a chipmunk/squirrel thing like above.

My Grandma may be a little unsteady on her feet and suffer from dementia, but she has this uncanny knack for plants.  This uncanny knack brings an almost scary talent where she can simply look down, bend over, and pick up a four leaf clover.  No lie.

She couldn't see the graduation pictures on my 13 in MacBook, but she totally just spotted the 4 leaf clover.  

I did a lot of traveling during vacation.  My friend Dave drives a mini-van.  I'd like to make fun of it, but it's awesome.  However, it has the biggest hole in the rear wheel well I've ever noticed.

At my friend's graduation party, I was a tad bit nervous because I was getting drunk and her parents were present.  However, after her mother unveiled the extremely beautiful graduation cake and then proceeded to swipe a corner of it on a chair, so I stopped being nervous.

During the party Pogo and I went to go pick up some supplies.  We encountered two interesting things on the way.

Soymilk juice box like thing? Yes, please.

Who wouldn't go to a convenience store that had a sign that said "you are beautiful" and took Visa and Mastercard?  

Later in my vacation week, Liz and I went to Rittenhouse park.  We got coffee (I loved the napkins) and stared up at the sky.

I've been told I have a doppleganger in the city; someone people mistake as me and then later are like "WHY DID YOU IGNORE ME ON THE STREET" while I explain I was at work all day.  Even my best friends do this.

I've also seen my bicycle doppleganger and have been very happy that my bike is cooler (yes, I'm vain like that).  I've always wanted to stop and take a picture and I finally got the chance at the train station when I parked my bike super close to Clementine's doppleganger.  

(It's the orange one.  Clementine.  Get it?)

After vacation it is back to the grind of work.  Luckily, when my manager inevitably makes me cry I can go into the bathroom's second stall and look at some great graffiti.

Oh, the truth that lines the bathroom walls.

(Thanks Loretta).

Freshman Escapades Relived

Senior year came, and it's crawling by slowly. I still have no future job. My freshman year credit card expired (which I thought would never happen, how did I get so old?!?!) and I'm currently broke - until Friday that is.

Freshman year, I had so much free time. I only worked on the weekends and my classes were not demanding at all. My best friend Pogo and I hung out all the time and used to skip classes together just to hang out. We had all the same classes freshman year. A lot of things have changed since then. My classes are marginally harder, I work all the time, and my free time has steadily declined. Some things haven't changed though, and won't change until I leave college. Pogo and I still are best friends, but we no longer have remotely the same schedule and are lucky if we can register for one class together. But we still skip class. Together.

But now, it's super secret agent style. Sorta.

Every Tuesday night, Pogo and I attend an International Marketing class. Okay, that's a stretch. Every Tuesday night, Pogo and I are supposed to attend an International Marketing class. Like most professors, ours is drawn to Pogo and his intelligent, yet funny repertoire. Which makes it hard to skip class.

So last night, we went to class against our better judgement because we both have missed so many. We were not sober, to say the least, and while we were locking up our bikes, our professor came out for a smoke before class. Standing there, trying to keep the goofy grins off of our faces and desperately keeping up a semi-intelligent small talk conversation (or just one that made sense) showed us how much better we are inebriated than we were freshman year.

Then we got to class. It was group presentation time. After a five minute heart attack because we thought it was our turn, but really we were presenting in week ten, we both settled down to play Zelda on our respective laptops while planning to at the break on g-chat. The following conversation took place during class.

6:26 PM me: how do you talk to navi again? Pogo: this girl is terrible at presenting

6:27 PM me: all i remember is a is x

Pogo: um

you press up

like c button up

me: ahhh

fuck

okay

i have to relearn the controls

Pogo: you need the c buttons

6:28 PM but i was lying kinda

cuz i think to get navi you press a or b

me: hmm

Pogo: i was right!

eureka!

6:29 PM me: :)_

Pogo: have funnnn

me: thankssss

39 minutes

7:09 PM

me: : we have to hide before we leave
like
cuz she'll find us smoking or something
like we don't wanna be unlocking our bikes in front of her

Pogo: we dont need to hide

me: yes we do

Pogo: no we dont

we just have to be fast

she doesnt always go down

not right away

me: which is why we have to hide

i'm not fast

i'll fuck it up so bad

Pogo: no you wont

me: tony bike lock FALLS APART

all the time

Pogo: omg

okay

fine

me: and it takes like 5 minutes to fix

Pogo: i can see im not going to win

we can hide

like babies

7:11 PM me: my abs hurt so bad

Pogo: instead of being brave

like adults

me: listen

Pogo: aww

me: its got to do with awkward, and i've had too much awkward today

i like avoiding awkward

Pogo: okay

i understand

we will be avoiders today

me: kk

thanks

So my plan was to run out a side door and hide on the only side of the building I've never seen our professor smoking on. First of all, she was printing more evaluation sheets, so we needed to avoid all computer labs. Second of all, I didn't want to be caught unlocking our bikes and her being like "so guys, what's up? Where ya going?". My attendance sucks bad enough, I don't need her to catch me skipping class.

There me and Pogo were, just chilling on the other side of the building. Our conversation was as follows:

Me: This is like freshman year again.

Pogo: Only freshman year, we just would have not wasted an hour and come to class since it's effin' presentations and we didn't need to show up.

Me: We were smarter then.
Pogo: No, we just had more time to pay attention to the syllabus.

Me: Fair.

Pogo: Let's go get our bikes.
Me: Not yet! She'll be there smoking.

Pogo: No she won't, we've only been in class for an hour and it's only gonna last for another 45 minutes, she won't smoke. She's trying to quit remember?

Me: Trust me, she'll be smoking.

Sneaking around the side of the building, I made Pogo take the spy position and look through the bushes. Sure enough, she was there! We ran back to the other side, waited five more minutes, then did the spy move again. Luckily, the professor had left, we waited another 30 seconds, just in case she was just inside the building and decided to turn around and look through the glass doors, quickly unlocked our bikes, went to go pick up pizza and continued our previous hang out session.

Adventures abound.

Bike Lanes

I am lucky enough to live in a city that has bike lanes. I am unlucky enough to live in a city with stupid people that don't know how to use a bike lane.

For all you stupidos out there, listen up:

A bike lane is essentially the same as a car lane. Bikes go very fast in them. It is our lane. Don't step into it, open your door into it, drive into it, or cross any of the lines without looking first. And also remember, bikes go up to 30 mph, and usually in cities are going about 15 mph. Doesn't seem like much, but the brakes are hand operated, and do not stop on a dime. Also, there is no metal cage protecting a biker. If you hit us, we will fall and get hurt. And if we can move afterwards, we will probably try to hurt you.

Also, because it is our lane, and the sidewalk is generally immediately on the right and speeding cars are generally immediately on the left, we cannot leave the bike lane.

Today on my way to class, I hit a pedestrian. Like dead on. This little Asian woman was crossing the street mid-block. Or trying to cross. She looked and then just stood in the bike lane because there were cars coming. Unfortunately, I had just come from a downhill and through a yellow light, so I was flying. She saw me, did that little "which way ya going" dance - all the while I was like, seriously?!?! Go back on the sidewalk lady!! She didn't listen to my silent pleas and I plowed right into her. A nice girl that saw it happen pulled my bike out of the road and grabbed my shoes which had flown off. Neither of us apologized. We were both okay and she leapt up and ran across the street. I did not fair so well.

While I feel as though nothing is broken (especially my laptop which I fell on), my right gluteus maximus hurts like none other. I can't really walk up stairs or sit. My right arm hurts at the elbow and wrist, and there is gravel still in my hand. When I finally got to class, I just sat there and cried for 45 minutes while I was thanking my lucky stars that I didn't hit my head, break my pelvis, kill the pedestrian, break my bike, or doing anything else that would've required a hospital visit or thousands of dollars.

I went to Eastern Mountain Sports to look at helmets. Yes, I don't wear one. But I should, I know. $64-$180. Why is being safe so expensive? Why can't people just be smarter?