This turned into my 2013 reflection post...

I'm still avoiding that post reflecting on 2013 for a variety of reasons.  It was definitely a year of transitions and growing pains.  At the beginning of it, I was very broke, working at a hellhole with some of my very good friends.  I had to get another job to make the amount of money I needed to live and pay loans.  My boss was a shitty human being, not just a shitty boss, but a terrible, evil, vindictive, airhead bitch of a human being.  Between working a full-time and part-time job, I was trying to get into shape.  I succeeded, but I struggled with also giving myself to my relationship.

That was Jan-June.  In June, the restaurant I was working at part-time closed, so I was out of a job.  I ramped up my search for a better full-time job before resigning myself to another few months of bone-tired existence.  One of my best friends made the decision to move to Baltimore, and while I couldn't have been happier for her, I knew I'd miss her like hell.  Completing a boxing bootcamp left me in the best shape of my life, but soon after I had to give up my membership because I couldn't afford it any longer with only one job.

Late July I randomly applied for a job at a super awesome financial institution (one of the biggest and best in the world), expecting not to hear anything.  Got a phone interview.  The lady said I'd have to take a bunch of licensing tests and whatnot, I said okay, again not expecting to get a real interview.  Got a real interview.  Borrowed someone's car, slept over at their place, got up at 6 a.m. for an interview, it was raining.  Six other people were there.  Immediately fell in love with the idea of working there, tried to erase all the good things from my memory so when I got the call back I wouldn't feel as bad.

In August, I found out I got the job!  I was very excited.  In fact, here's a picture of me leaving the hellhole on the last day.

See how sad?

I spent a very long weekend in Syracuse with my beautiful and awesome niece, then I started the new job.  The commute is something I'm still getting used to, it's a little over an hour each day.  But it's on a train so I can do whatever I want - read, email, catch up on sleep - so it's okay.  However, it's still an adjustment.

I spent the next month and a half studying very hard for some licensing exams.  I passed!  Then spent another month in training.  I finally started for real at the end of Thanksgiving.  While talking on the phone all day is more draining than I thought, it's still a thousand times better than most of my other jobs (CHOP excluded).  I'm very excited for my future there.

And that takes us up until 2014.  There's some things I missed, like winning the kickball championships!  I thought I had a brain tumor for awhile, but turns out it was just a thyroid problem.  I had to cancel some trips due to money, but now I'm doing so much better.  It's now been more than a year living with Trent and three years of dating, it's still pretty cool.  And Nelly is still alive and a little skinnier.

So all-in-all a little rough, lots of changes, but coming out better on the back end.

Cheers to 2014.  To running a marathon, doing a pull-up, and loving myself.

Post-college emotional vomit

Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope everyone's went well.  Mine did, better than expected even!  Ever tried hard apple cider with a shot of fireball whiskey poured in?  You should.

Yesterday I watched this movie called Frances Ha.  Jessica (an awesome person Liz introduced me to) blogged about it and I like her taste so I watched it on Netflix.  If the definition of a good movie is invoking emotions in the viewer, this was a great movie.  

It's about Frances (duh) who is 27 and a struggling dancer in NYC.  Her bff Sophie and her start the movie living together, but life happens and Sophie moves onward and upward.  Frances kind of gets left behind.  She's awkward and broke and missing her other half.  Every other sentence when she's in a group of people is "in college, this" "in college, that."  Anyway, I guess it's a coming of age story.  One that painfully reminded me of the past few years.

After I graduated from college with a freakin' master's degree, it took me nine months to find a real person job, and even when I found it, it paid absolute crap and I felt taken advantage of.  Thank goodness I worked with some of my friends and we made it through together, because some days I just wanted to punch my boss in her dumb face.  In fact, I made so little money there I had to have two jobs, kept working in a restaurant just to keep up the student loan payments.

The feelings of that time - no money, no direction, no accomplishment and a sudden lack of community - came rushing back as I watched this movie.  It wasn't that long ago, I just got a job that changed my entire life in September, and I was studying to get licensed the first month or so, passing the exams was necessary to move forward, failure meant getting fired.  

Needless to say, these are still fresh, raw emotions.  I guess what I'm trying to say is life after college is rough.  It takes some of us a long time to get our shit together.  The awkward post-college, pre-getting-your-shit-together phase is absolutely awful.

And this movie does a great job at telling that story.

Funny how things change.

I got a new job!  I wake up every morning surprised that I don't hate my life.  My friend and I got out of the hell-hole at the same time.  It was kind of like we were in a large warehouse, running away from people with guns.  The warehouse doors were closing and we just barely made it under the ever-lowering escape door right before imminent slavery and death.

Dramatic, I know.  But it is still kind of like that.

Now I'm bored.  I was just talking to a friend yesterday - it's like, you get out of school, you have all this debt and no money.  You used to just go get drunk with friends all the time, but now everyone's spread out, you're lazy and broke.  You have a significant other at home that you kind of really like hanging out with.  So you sit at home, watch TV, clean and then lament about how you're bored.

I picked up crocheting.  Again.  For the thousandth time.  Since my commute has grown from 8 minutes to 68 minutes, I'm actually 1/3 of the way through a scarf.  But then what?!

I've been watching Community lately.  I just got yesterday how they are a little community, and how important it is.  Now, we're all glued to our phones and laptops and tablets and TVs, very rarely having face-to-face conversations or hang-out sessions.  I don't like it, yet I cancelled my Twitter account the other day then immediately opened it again.  Haven't posted in almost a year - I'm just worried about losing my username.

Seriously.

So anyway - if you're a friend, please come hang out with me.  We can crochet and drink tea together, because I have yarn and tea and water.  I also have coffee - but no cream.

Are You Ready Yet?

This morning a kid from high school popped up in my newsfeed with a status update about a fetus.

Neil was always the kid in the back of the band room, getting in trouble for goofing off during rehearsal.  He was nerdy and smart, but silly.  His feet seemed too big and he would go from joking around to super serious in 2.3 seconds.  He was just a goofy kid.  I never thought that six years after graduating from high school, Neil would be updating the world about his unborn child that his wife is carrying.

A couple of nights ago, I had a conversation with my boo about buying a house.  He really wants to - with or without me - that has been his goal since college.  But I'm not ready to buy a house and he knows this.  So I will support and help him, but will have to get rid of my preconceived notions about what life is supposed to look like.  This conversation led to the talk of marriage and how I want to be ready, but am not.

(See how this conversation about him turned into a conversation about me?  I HAVE to stop doing that!)

I think this is part of what makes being in your mid-twenties so hard.  When you're growing up, you go to school, elementary, middle, then high school.  Then, you go to college - most of your friends do too. Everyone is in the same phase in life.  Then after college, you get a job or go to grad school.  Then what?  People start getting married and popping out kids.  That's what you're supposed to do, right?

It's worse with social media, because everyday you look at Facebook, you see these pictures of weddings and houses and babies.  It may just be the minority, but it's constantly there.  It makes me wonder if I should be doing these things, if I am behind somehow in the game of life.

I am 24 years old.  I am not behind.  I am doing just fine.  I am happy.  Enjoy the happy.  I have to keep reminding myself of this.  Truth be told, I am not ready for kids.  Marriage, well, I'll probably be ready sooner rather than later.  I think I need to get through being 25 first.  Grow up just a little more, see how I continue to change with the times.

Because when I think of Neil, and the years he will miss out on being young and without children, I get a little sad for him.  I'm excited he's having a baby if that's what he wants, but I just imagine him without any sleep, so tired of changing diapers and cleaning up spit up that he wonders what the hell he's doing with his life.  No more vacations to wherever without worrying about kids and diapers and food and the extra fare.  No more random drunken nights with friends being out until after 11.  Can't just take a kid into a theatre to watch the new Paranormal Activity or Batman.  No more just taking care of yourself and your significant other.  No more carefree times.

I am 24 years old.  I am not behind.  I am doing just fine.  I am happy.  Enjoy the happy.

Finding that "thing"

I've always loved writing, taking pictures, and doing artsy-type projects.  When I was growing up, I had these friends across the street and we would spend all day playing with the "Invisible Man", going on missions and trying to defeat the bad guys - it was all pretend.  Silly as that seems now, my imagination grew at a steady rate.

I've been plagued with a heavy dose of practicality, too.  Which means while I loved made up stories, art, and taking pictures, those were never my dream career goals.  I went to college for business.  What's more practical than that?

Now in my mid-twenties, my imagination is trying to punch through my skull, screaming "I'm still in here!  I make you happy when you exercise me!  DO SOMETHING WITH ME!"  My practical side is fighting back, saying things like "there are so many people in the world doing photography, writing, arts & crafts, you'll never become good enough at anything because you'll get bored first.  Succeeding is hard.  Don't spend time and money with your imagination."

Well, that's my story anyway.

Lately, I've been jealous of my friend I follow on Instagram (insert huge hipster sigh here).  She takes great pictures and gets a ton of likes and followers.  My creative side is so green with envy.  I told my bff and she said "you can do that, just do it too!" but inside, I know that photography only interests me slightly.  I know how to take a good picture, and every once in awhile, I go on a photohunt, or take "artistic" pictures of things, but I hate editing photos and honestly, I get bored quickly.  I also get really frustrated when I can't get the shot I want.

So, what's my "thing" - that thing that I choose to get good at, to practice and develop over my life time so my imaginative side doesn't shrivel up and die?

Back in September, my boo and I went to the shore and ended up meeting a writer on the beach (I'd post a link back, but the post isn't worth it).  She told me if I wanted to write, to just do it.  Using her dreams as inspiration, she had published a lot of stories.

Lo and behold, last night, I had a dream I think I can actually produce a good story from.  As soon as I got up this morning, I started taking notes and doing research.  That has never happened before.  (I always thought the only novelists who did research were the non-fiction writers.)

Maybe writing is my thing.  If I keep in mind it's supposed to be fun and for me, perhaps that's the answer.  That's why I started blogging again in the first place.  Practice, practice, practice.  We shall see what emerges from these deep dark mid-twenties time.

Ordering Drinks

In my post-collegiate career, there are several things I've really come to value - one being able to keep in contact with friends from college and continuing relationships past the classes we endured together.

Tonight I went out with a great friend and it was super fun!  Fortunately, we've kept in touch after college and get together pretty frequently (considering the distance between Philly and where she lives and works).  It's always a great time, I love catching up with her.

Tonight, the first drink I ordered was a dirty martini - it was filthy   She asked to taste it and ended up loving it, as a true Russian would, admitting to me that she didn't understand the language to order the drink and had gotten some bad martinis.

Understandable - I have had some awful martinis.  Every girl who has watched Sex in the City has ordered bad martinis, because no one ever covers the vernacular necessary to order them!

Martinis are either gin or vodka (originally gin and snobs will judge you for ordering vodka) and a splash of vermouth.  It comes with either olives (generally speaking, a dirty martini will get you liquor, vermouth and olive juice) or with a lemon twist.  Basically, a super alcoholic, classy-ass drink with it's own language.

So here it is, broken down, for all of our sakes from the Huffington Post.

• If you order a dry martini it means that you'd like less vermouth in your cocktail. A very dry martini would contain little to no vermouth; one might just roll the vermouth in the glass so that a thin film coats it -- nothing more.

• As you might imagine, ordering a wet martini will get you more vermouth in your cocktail than the standard five-to-one ratio.

• A dirty martini, a fairly popular version, uses olive brine or olive juice for an additional kick. If you're a fan of olives, this might be the best option for you.

• If you'd like your martini with lemon instead of olives ask for it with a twist. And if you are a fan of olives, and maybe a little hungry, it's not uncommon to ask for extras.

I personally prefer dry vodka martinis, dirty, shaken.  With blue cheese stuffed olives.  I would absolutely recommend a beginner getting a very dirty martini, the olive juice cuts the liquor taste and makes it bearable.

Try it out next time you go to a bar!  But make sure someone else is there to drink it in case you absolutely hate it!  But beware, they are addictive.

And there's a mini lesson in drink ordering.

Thank goodness for good friends and good drinks!  Cheers

Stuck late at work, again.

In the industry I'm in, there are lots of RFI and RFQ posts we have to respond to.  These all have deadlines, most require us to overnight mail a big box full of documents.  (Yes, I think its a huge waste of resources when we have computers.)  So, we usually use the 7 p.m. deadline so we can drop the box off downstairs before the UPS guy comes and takes it.

Last night, it was 7 p.m. and we were not done.

Someone calls around, no mailing place is open except for FedEx a few blocks away.  We call, their driver will be there until 8:10, even though they close at 8.  At 8:02, I run out of the office with a box.

I realize how ridiculous I look, running down the Philadelphia sidewalks in a dress and boots, but I don't care.  This project doesn't get turned in, I'm going to be pissed.  Because I'm running.  And I look ridiculous.  And it's 8 p.m. and I'm still working.

I get there, the doors are locked,  I run around the building and find the FedEx van.  I get there, out of breath and ask the lady "can you take this box, it is all good?"

"Well ma'am, this is a UPS label."

"Oh...man..."

Never ending pause....

"Well, there's a UPS truck sometimes still loading just down the alley, let's go see if they are still there!"

I thank the lady profusely and wish her a happy Thanksgiving.  The UPS truck is abandoned, so I call back to my company.

"I found the FedEx truck, but it's a UPS label."

"So they took it, right?"

....

"No, but I'm at the UPS place now, can you call here and tell them I'm at their loading dock in front of their truck, please?"

___

Later when I got home, I just took a breath and said out loud, "that was absolutely ridiculous."  And I completely got how insane everything was that just happened.  Welcome to the real world.

(Grand) Parents

I'm posting this from work.  But to be fair it's 6 p.m. and I'm supposed to go home at 5 p.m.  I'm just waiting for this thing.  This project thing.  It's like in college when you are the one putting together the final submission and one person in your group waits until the last minute.  Yea, that happens in real life too.  Only it's not their fault.  So I'm not mad.  I'm just hungry.

And really looking forward to Thanksgiving.

Guys, I have a niece.  I've been allergic to babies since I could have one, but this little bugger stole my heart. She's so freakin' cute and adorable.  All I want to do for those 4 days is hug her.  Although I'm pretty sure my mom will not let that happen.  She's obsessed.  It's the first grandchild - it's so weird to think of your mom as a grandma.  It's actually blowing my mind a little.  Every time I think about my parents being grandparents it makes me sad.

Sad for reasons I'm not going into right now because one of my bff's is coming in from New York today and we get to hang out for a few hours and I'm not ruining by being depress-y about my parents getting old!!!

But seriously, what is with all of this life change?

I called my mom on Saturday because I was having a lot of stomach issues.  In tears, I just wanted her help and advice.  When I was a teenager, I did not want anything to do with her advice and help.  Can you even imagine a world where you don't have your parents to bounce stuff off of?  I know some people don't, but for those of us that do, be extra grateful and make sure they know it at Thanksgiving.  Because let's face it, your mid-twenties suck and your parents have already done it.  They know more than we ever thought.

WEIRD HOW THAT TURNED OUT, EH?

Hiatus

It's been awhile since my last post.  I did a lot of growing up and now have decided to join the Rebel Blogger movement.  If a movement can be defined as 2 people....

My excuses for never writing range from "who cares about what I think or write?" to "what if my boss or future employer reads this?"  Well, whatever.  I've decided I don't need a themed blog (popular ones for girls range from fashion, to music, to cute animals - all of which I love, but none of which I wish to write exclusively about) or one that has a vast following.

So here's to you, those three people that I know read my blog (Srav, Liz and Lorna)!  I'm going to start posting again.  I started today already!  Liz posted a DIY post I did on her awesome Get Rich or DIY Tryin' blog!  I made a cool little owl named George to hang on my wall!

Liz and I had a conversation while I was in Colorado that inspired me to start blogging again (more about the Colorado trip later).  She has been trying out blogger meet-ups and has decided that most bloggers are actually super snobby assholes, my words, not hers.  So, she decided to forget those guys and write about what she loves, and I'm supporting her movement by joining it!  It helps that my online persona is like Sam Weir in Freaks and Geeks.  The online world is so big!  There are SO MANY people out there writing and doing and creating. Almost nothing will set me apart, so, why bother trying?  I'm just gonna do what I love and screw the rest.

Life has been crazy lately.  TV shows and movies have been addressing kids, high schoolers, college goers, and 30-60 somethings lives forever.  But rarely does a show or story address the hell that is your mid-twenties.  Graduating from school, searching for a job that you'll probably hate, trying to decide how to act "grown up" and paying back student loans is stressful.  There are a lot of emotional and stressful situations, and there's no guide book.  Everyone I talked to about it says "just survive and wait for your thirties".

Surviving I am.  I moved in with my boyfriend in a super uncharacteristic move.  I have never been in a happier living situation since I got my period.  I finally got a job thanks to help from one of my best friends.  Boxing has become one of my favorite pastimes, and I'm not half bad at it.  Makes working out a lot easier, I'm much more motivated.  My friends since college have changed, and it's not always happy.  I feel a lot less social than I did in college, but I think that's just part of this era, I suppose.  I could go on and on; there are so many issues with being in your mid-twenties, but only so much attention span for one post.

So tune back in this week.  Read some entertaining stuff.  Or at least stuff you can either relate to or laugh about....