Failure

I read an article that really stuck with me this week.  It was about failure and how hard we are on ourselves sometimes.  Whoever wrote it made a brilliant comparison between what we tell ourselves when we fail, and how we react to others' failures.  For instance, when a baby tries to talk, our normal reaction is "oh my goodness, you are so cute babbling along!" instead of "stupid baby, I can't believe you can't freakin' talk yet!"

For a long time, I've been struggling with weight.  In the past three weeks, I've lost 7 lbs. Then, I had a really great friend spend the weekend and I ate and drank whatever and proceeded to feel like a total fat failure.  In fact, I've viewed the past 7 years of dealing with weight has mostly a failure.  I did run a 1/2 marathon and I learned how to fight, but past that I've had a few good months but that's it.

Last night, with the article still tickling my neurons, I met up with some friends who haven't seen me in a long time.  I got the "you look great!" comment and immediately dismissed it.  C'mon people, can you not see I've been failing for 7 years!  Then I took a step back and decided to be a little nicer to myself and here is what I saw.

I started college as a size 22, so out of shape it was hard to walk up a hill, forget even walking a mile.  Since then, I've consistently gone down, albeit little by little.  I did run a half marathon, I've been in super good shape, and now I can run a mile and walk everywhere.  I am a size 16 now, I've taking responsibility for my eating habits and am making a very conscious effort to track calories, portion sizes and balance.  On Monday, I start at a gym again.

So taking that all into account, I guess I haven't really been failing.  Sure, my journey is not a fast one, no where near the contestants on "The Biggest Loser" and maybe no where near other people's.  But I'm not failing.

In the next four months, I'm going to focus on my mile time, my assisted pull-up weight and overall lb loss.  I made a calendar and am going to track those things weekly/bi-weekly.  My long term goals are a marathon, 40 lbs down and a pull-up by the end of November 2014.  I'll post updates now and then just to keep myself accountable and to remind myself that I'm not failing.

Because no one likes to fail, it's just a necessary part of life.  Without it, there can be no success.

Bad (eating) decisions

As all of you humans know, pizza is really good.  Like, really delicious.  The gooey cheese oozing it's delicious cheese juice, on top of wonderful red tomato sauce that is seasoned perfectly.  The bottom is a crust that was perfectly baked in a brick oven, that holds the tomato sauce and cheese just enough that you can fold that sucker in half and shove it in your mouth.

I ate 6 slices yesterday.

And half of a red velvet cupcake.

Last week, I worked really hard and lost 3 lbs.  And then ate enough calories to gain 2 lbs back in one day.

In the past, I've done this and then just quit my diet plan and working out routine.  Maybe not right away, but little by little, I'll cheat more and more, until that scale is back up and working out is the last thing I want to do.

Since doing the same thing over and over will gain the same results, and I'm looking for different results, I changed up my attitude this time.  Instead of beating myself up, I'm letting it go.  I'm trying to look at the silver lining, instead of eating 1/2 of a pizza for lunch and 1/2 of a pizza for dinner, I only ate 3 slice each meal.  Not a lot, but better than usual.

Today, I made myself go out in 20 degree weather and spent a luxurious 2 hours at the gym.  I've eaten well so far, and dinner is going to be healthy.  My meals and workout schedule is planned for the week, and I'm sticking to it.

Enjoy my motivational pictures from Muffintopless who I highly recommend you follow on tumblr or on Instagram (@muffintopless).

It's the little things

In my opinion, it's the little things that you have to recognize, admire, and do to keep going in this life where so much around us goes terribly.  

My resolutions for January - no alcohol and lots of gym visits - has been going very well.  Except for the whole early morning gym thing.  I only went once.  Evenings work much better; I can skip happy hour and go to the gym instead.  

With everything going on in life, it's so easy to get discouraged and make excuses to not do whatever your resolution is.  Whether it be reading more, working out, volunteering, or just being more positive.  We've got to start being nicer to ourselves, stop beating ourselves up.  Take a breath and notice the little things, give ourselves credit where credit is due.

Today at boxing, I noticed one of those little things.  I can do burpees so much better than before!  Burpees are this evil, tortured exercise - you start standing up, you put your hands on the floor, throw your feet out so you are in push up position, then jump your feet back to your hands, and jump up into a standing position.

When I first started working out, I couldn't do two of these in a row without dying.  Today, the 3 minutes (not consecutively) of burpees, didn't exhaust me nearly as much as they used to.  In fact, they were almost easy!  Not too easy, but not like swimming through cement.  See - it's the small things.

My weight doesn't go down that much week to week, but it's these little things I notice, like burpees becoming easier, push-ups getting stronger, runs getting faster, that keep me going to the gym.  It's okay to take pride in the small things, no matter how silly they seem! 

And that goes for everything - not just fitness goals.

Finding that "thing"

I've always loved writing, taking pictures, and doing artsy-type projects.  When I was growing up, I had these friends across the street and we would spend all day playing with the "Invisible Man", going on missions and trying to defeat the bad guys - it was all pretend.  Silly as that seems now, my imagination grew at a steady rate.

I've been plagued with a heavy dose of practicality, too.  Which means while I loved made up stories, art, and taking pictures, those were never my dream career goals.  I went to college for business.  What's more practical than that?

Now in my mid-twenties, my imagination is trying to punch through my skull, screaming "I'm still in here!  I make you happy when you exercise me!  DO SOMETHING WITH ME!"  My practical side is fighting back, saying things like "there are so many people in the world doing photography, writing, arts & crafts, you'll never become good enough at anything because you'll get bored first.  Succeeding is hard.  Don't spend time and money with your imagination."

Well, that's my story anyway.

Lately, I've been jealous of my friend I follow on Instagram (insert huge hipster sigh here).  She takes great pictures and gets a ton of likes and followers.  My creative side is so green with envy.  I told my bff and she said "you can do that, just do it too!" but inside, I know that photography only interests me slightly.  I know how to take a good picture, and every once in awhile, I go on a photohunt, or take "artistic" pictures of things, but I hate editing photos and honestly, I get bored quickly.  I also get really frustrated when I can't get the shot I want.

So, what's my "thing" - that thing that I choose to get good at, to practice and develop over my life time so my imaginative side doesn't shrivel up and die?

Back in September, my boo and I went to the shore and ended up meeting a writer on the beach (I'd post a link back, but the post isn't worth it).  She told me if I wanted to write, to just do it.  Using her dreams as inspiration, she had published a lot of stories.

Lo and behold, last night, I had a dream I think I can actually produce a good story from.  As soon as I got up this morning, I started taking notes and doing research.  That has never happened before.  (I always thought the only novelists who did research were the non-fiction writers.)

Maybe writing is my thing.  If I keep in mind it's supposed to be fun and for me, perhaps that's the answer.  That's why I started blogging again in the first place.  Practice, practice, practice.  We shall see what emerges from these deep dark mid-twenties time.

Party Planning

On Friday, weeks of planning came to fruition as the day of the party I had been planning arrived.  My work is trying to reach a target group, and in order to do that, we teamed up with our manufacturer to throw a party!

I came up with the charity theme - decorating notebooks for kids at CHOP.  Apparently notebooks/journals are one of the most asked for items from kids staying at the hospital, and are also the only item you can alter before donation.  (Everything else has to be in original packaging).

Since our target audience are from the creative group, I figured this was the perfect interactive charity event!

My boss kind of gave my team control, so I ran with it.  We decided on red and white wine, and this fantastic mulled apple cider recipe.  We used rum, cider, anise, cinnamon and cloves - so yummy!  The caterer brought cheese, fruit, cookies, and some hot appetizers.  For decoration supplies, we relied on BJ's, Michaels, and some very generous donations from our manufacturing partners.

The event turned out way better than I thought it would.  Everything kind of fell together, there were no last minute emergencies.  People actually came and had a great time!  And, best of all, the kids at CHOP get some great journals.

Happy holidays everyone!!