Parties and Such

I've been wanting to post an update for a few weeks, and there have been two reasons why I haven't.  1) I haven't been doing so well going to the gym or eating well - not terribly, but not awesome.  Like mediocre.  That's been making me feel bad and generally bringing my mood down.  2)  My computer has been sucking balls.  It's a few (read 5-6) years old and the insides were getting gunky.  You know the drill - 5 minutes to switch between browser tabs, etc.  

But I have great news - I overcame my computer problems and fixed them myself.  And now it works great.  Even though I apparently need new RAM or memory or both or something.

Last night, the throwback PSP party happened!  I organized it, no big deal, and it went off without a hitch despite my irrational anxiety about it beforehand.  The cops only came once and we kicked the keg and everyone seemed to have a really great time.  Success!  There were a few people who were unable to come that I really would have loved to see, but, there's always another time.  I also handled my anxiety really well during the entire thing - didn't black out, paced myself, and was sober without spins when I got home.  Also didn't have that usual drunk shame the next day.

My overall blahness is still around.  I'm going to the gym all this week, so that should help.  Otherwise, I just need another hobby or project or something to work on.  I was working on cleaning my crap up and starting to digitize all of my old paper files that are hanging around.  But that's less than inspiring.

So, I don't know, we'll see.  I feel like January and February are always the hardness months for me personally to shake off my depression and anxiety issues.  Especially with all the changes that have been going on lately.  Guess I"ll just keep on keeping on.

Ordering Drinks

In my post-collegiate career, there are several things I've really come to value - one being able to keep in contact with friends from college and continuing relationships past the classes we endured together.

Tonight I went out with a great friend and it was super fun!  Fortunately, we've kept in touch after college and get together pretty frequently (considering the distance between Philly and where she lives and works).  It's always a great time, I love catching up with her.

Tonight, the first drink I ordered was a dirty martini - it was filthy   She asked to taste it and ended up loving it, as a true Russian would, admitting to me that she didn't understand the language to order the drink and had gotten some bad martinis.

Understandable - I have had some awful martinis.  Every girl who has watched Sex in the City has ordered bad martinis, because no one ever covers the vernacular necessary to order them!

Martinis are either gin or vodka (originally gin and snobs will judge you for ordering vodka) and a splash of vermouth.  It comes with either olives (generally speaking, a dirty martini will get you liquor, vermouth and olive juice) or with a lemon twist.  Basically, a super alcoholic, classy-ass drink with it's own language.

So here it is, broken down, for all of our sakes from the Huffington Post.

• If you order a dry martini it means that you'd like less vermouth in your cocktail. A very dry martini would contain little to no vermouth; one might just roll the vermouth in the glass so that a thin film coats it -- nothing more.

• As you might imagine, ordering a wet martini will get you more vermouth in your cocktail than the standard five-to-one ratio.

• A dirty martini, a fairly popular version, uses olive brine or olive juice for an additional kick. If you're a fan of olives, this might be the best option for you.

• If you'd like your martini with lemon instead of olives ask for it with a twist. And if you are a fan of olives, and maybe a little hungry, it's not uncommon to ask for extras.

I personally prefer dry vodka martinis, dirty, shaken.  With blue cheese stuffed olives.  I would absolutely recommend a beginner getting a very dirty martini, the olive juice cuts the liquor taste and makes it bearable.

Try it out next time you go to a bar!  But make sure someone else is there to drink it in case you absolutely hate it!  But beware, they are addictive.

And there's a mini lesson in drink ordering.

Thank goodness for good friends and good drinks!  Cheers

Books, Books, Books

I decided 3 months ago that I wanted an e-reader.  While I love my 50 cent thrift store reads, it really is a pain in the butt to carry 2 or 3 books around at a time.  (I read fast, don't judge).  Then about 2 months ago, I dismissed the Kindle & Sony readers and decided I would get a Nook.  But, Nooks cost money, so I had to save up.  And make another decision.

So, on Saturday, I finally decided I would purchase a plain old Nook (not the "I-wanna-be-an-iPad" Nook Color) in the next 2 weeks.  And on Sunday my lovely boyfriend gave me a Barnes & Noble bag with a newly purchased Nook, complete with protective over.  Can you say LUCKY DUCK?!

And now I have a problem.  

There are so many decisions to make!!!  

1.)  Do I decorate this cover?!  Especially since it already has a water stain on it from work?!

2.)  Do I buy new cover that I can clean off easily.

3.)  How do I decide what books to buy/read?!?!

I feel like the internet can help me out on this.  There is a website where people share book recommendations?  The people that read my blog have ideas?

Luckily for us poorer folk, there are a lot of free e-books out there.  Even if you don't have a nerdy e-reader, you can find information on how to read stuff (fo' free!) here.

Also - saw Harry Potter yesterday.  Awesome except for the end where cheesy makeup seemed to make the main actors 5 years older instead of 19.

Now that the nerdgasm is over, I have a interesting story about 'the girl that convinced me to get a Nook'.  We always have the weirdest experiences together.

TGTCMTGAN and I ran over to the bar closest to our work at 1:58, hoping we could get one drink in before going home after a long shift.  Fortunately, we are both regulars and good tippers so we got 2 drinks.  Unfortunately, us and one very drunk dude were the only ones left sipping spirits.  Of course the drunkard starts talking to us, interrupting our conversation.  He calls us the boombox girls and tells us in his Boston accent "I'm a southern gentleman from Austin."  I reply in a NE accent "or from Boston." (for more of his inane ramblings follow @alooney on twitter).

He proceeded to tell us about his two divorces, how he'd like to see one of his ex-wives cut up in a trashbag on the side of the highway.  We were still giggling at his incoherent half-sentences when he roared "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU AREN'T MARRIED, YOU HAVE NO LOVE IN YOUR LIFE."

The moments of clarity that alcohol sometimes gives is ironic.

I always say, you'll meet the strangest people in bars after 2 a.m...

Real Life Fails

It all started at a bar called Drinkers' West the other day.  St. Patty's day to be exact.  Yes, I did the stupidest thing ever and went to a ghetto/college bar on the worst amateur drinking night of the year.  But, I did see the greatest fail ever.

I was outside as a fight spilled into the street.  The bouncers were trying to break up the fight but as the one of the dudes got away, so did the other.  He swung downward, trying to hit the dude on the head/shoulder but failed.  He stumbled, his pants fell down around his ankles, exposing his bright blue boxer briefs and he fell head over heels.  And then got arrested.  It was hilariously awesome.

And since then, I've been seeing some hilarious fails.

This was a display piece in IKEA.

Yea, I totally know what to expect now from IKEA furniture, if I didn't already know.

Procrastinators unite!

Our neighbor really needs to stop feeding the cats.  You can't see the 15 cats that are on the other side of the green door, or the 7 that aren't pictured.

This isn't really a fail, but I'm surprised Goodwill has such an automated application process.

Ad in the local Central PA paper.  Make sure you read the whole thing for the juxtaposition hilarity.

And finally the last one that is a fail no more because my friend got his car fixed.

Notice the vanity mirror.  So. Classic.

I have my own fail from last night.  Trying to learn to drive a stick is not the easiest thing.

Anyone else have good fail/win stories lately?

Pork n Beer

When I bring people home to Central PA, they generally don't get to visit the "real" Central PA.  Fortunately, this weekend I went to visit part of my "extended-family".  We're not actually related, but we might as well be.

After driving for about 30 minutes, passing through to a different county, passing a few buggies, and driving on a dirt road, we get to our destination.  It was a birthday party for one of the girls!  We drank a little and I was going to leave, but then Matt asked me to play washers.  I love washers.

Imagine being in an old butcher house, throwing washers and drinking and laughing.  Then Matt says "you've never seen a rooster get drunk? Really?! They LOVE beer.  You can pour about two down it's throat at a time.  And pigs, they ABSOLUTELY love beer!"

And it just so happens, there were roosters and pigs in the barn.

And there was also beer in the barn.

And the piggies LOVE beer.

And they do get drunk!!  The roosters were watching and squawking while the dog was trying to get in on the action.  A few minutes later, we left the pigs staggering in the barn and went out to the bonfire which was keeping us warm in the glow of the super-moon.

And these are a few of my favorite nights with some of my favorite people.  I love Philly, but sometimes home is just where you need to be.

I mean, come on, where can you see pigs drinking beer in Philly?!?!  Oh right, the corner bar.....

Things I Should Have Learned by Now

I haven't posted in a MINUTE.  Mostly due to lack of material/inspiration.  Instead, I've been staying up late watching shows that make me look like a loser.  Like Biggest Loser, which is actually a good show, until you walk in on me cradling my laptop at 3:30 a.m. crying like a baby because someone just said something touching about losing 10 lbs.

Loserface.

Anyway, when I get up at 9 or 10 a.m. after one of these nights, tired as hell, I begin making a mental list of "Things I Should Have Learned by Now."

1.  Don't leave important and breakable things on the floor.  When sober you sees them on the floor and thinks "eh, I'm late, I'll deal with those headphones/glasses later" you KNOW drunk you is not going to see them.  And the next morning when you need either one, you realize you're screwed.  And it sucks.  So stop doing it.  You've already broken 2 pairs of glasses AND headphones.  Come. On. Already.

2.  If you tell Person A that you'll grab a drink with them, and then you tell Person B you'll come over, and Person A and Person B plans coincide on the same night, it is called double-booking.  It makes whoever you cancel on/come late too feel like birdpoo and it makes you feel guilty.  It's called a smartphone and calendar.  Learn. To. Use. Them.

3.  The door frame does not move.  When you walk into it, it hurts.

4.  The low hanging pipes in the basement have been there since you moved in.  When you walk into them, it hurts, and you lose even more braincells.

5.  The subway waits for no man, and the trolley is never coming.  Because the trolley stop is 0.01 miles away from my house, and the subway is 0.4 miles away, I always wait for the trolley, until it's too late to catch the subway, but I run there anyway, and miss both.  And then am late.  Seriously?

6.  If I start watching TV shows (see Biggest Loser, Grey's Anatomy, Friday Night Lights, How I Met Your Mother, etc) at night, I will keep watching them until there is nothing left to watch.  Like an addict.  I watched 5 episodes of Grey's Anatomy.  I haven't been a fan since halfway through season 3, yet, I had to watch all of them.  Until 3:30 a.m.  Shut. The. GD. Laptop.

And the list goes on.  But it gets even more embarrassing.  Not surprisingly.

Now, I have to construct a birthday gift in the next 6 hours, 5 of which I will be in class.  If there's one thing I am good at, it is time management.  If you ignore #2.

So over it

After one more whirlwind week, life will finally slow down.  I have a few pieces of good news.

Even though I was out of gym commission for a week, I still am down 10 solid lbs.  And I'm back at the gym as of today!

Liz's bday was awesome.  I am always amazed when I run into people I know at some random bar in Philly.  Ran into a few people I used to work with and some Brothers from the frat came too!

I have an interview in Wisconsin next week.  Literally a week from today, I will be at an airport having a wind-down drink waiting for my flight back to Philadelphia.  And it is stressing me out.

I went to my first Flyers game with the bf this weekend.  It was mad cool and I will probably do a post about it tomorrow.

V-day was the best ever as I spent it with a few girlfriends and we got tipsy, played games, and watched Carrie Bradshaw be a crazy biotch while Samantha got laid again, and again, and yet again. 

I got two pairs of Steve Madden boots for super duper cheap.  And they are lovely.  (Here and here are links). 

So, I'm over school.  Tonight is the night I have class with a professor who insists that we come listen to him rant about cell phones and how stupid we are while teaching us nothing about Operations Management, then hands out arbitrary grades.  In fact, he just informed us that if we used the book to answer a question on the midterm, we were wrong.  Even though his powerpoint slides confirmed that it was correct way to do the problem.  And every single person in this graduate class did the problem the same way.  But yet, he says we are flys on walls that get shat on, and we eat it.  I kid you not.  That all was just said.

In other news, I have to do a 10 minute presentation for my interview in WI.  They have given me free range for whatever topic I choose, sans powerpoint.  After brainstorming I've come up with a few ideas, but I think I'm going to talk about beer.  Because that is one of the few politically correct things I can speak intelligently about for 10 minutes.  Thanks to my $172,000 (give or take a few thousand) education.  But I figure if I put the spin on beer education that it can make people look good and expand their horizons, it'll work.  And people will remember it, hence remember me.  And hire me.

Good idea?  Or fail waiting to happen?!?!

Drugs, not Hugs

In this day and age, I think recreational drug use is "in" but I'm not entirely sure.  I know a few of my friends go to raves all the time and have awesome experiences, but I also know a few of my friends that say "Raves?  It's not 1998."  No matter what's "cool", people will always being using drugs.

There are like 100 people who are coming down off Oxycontin right now in my West Philly neighborhood because their dealer got caught.  And is charged with like 78,000 counts of murder.  He is gross.  And the addicts are slightly dangerous.

Luckily, they now have a resource that is free and cheap.  Unfortunately, I may die because of it.  You know what I'm talking about.  It's the newest fad.  And I kid you not - bath salts.

Yea, I got those for my mom for Christmas.  I bet she is having a blast right now.  While possibly murdering my father.  [Just kidding!]  "Bath Salts" are the new drug on the market.

Apparently, it is a cheap and legal in around 47 states.  And it produces a killer high.

...Authorities have had "bizarre medical calls" from bath-salt users, including one man who tried to tear apart the back of a patrol car with his teeth and a woman who attacked her mother with a machete...Users report a feeling of euphoria, increased sociability and productivity and often sexual arousal. ... Health officials say the drugs also can produce extreme paranoia, hallucinations and hostility in their users.

... The back-seat biter required seven deputies to subdue him.... 

Bath and Body Works better jump on this new opportunity.  I bet if they add scents, it will become more mainstream.  They could even sell tickets to people for "bath salt" events - who wouldn't pay to watch 50 crabby old women take a bunch of drugs and beat each other up?

My personal opinion:  sounds like alcohol, except more hardcore.  Yes, I think I'll try them.  I heard patrol car seats taste like chikin.

It's Something of an Obsession

Television is God's gift to entertainment.  Or to me.  Whatever. And I love television shows.  I don't care if I'm a graduate student and TV rots the brain.  I will watch a television show for HOURS.  And I do very little for hours besides sleep, drink, and work.

I have a few embarrassing favorite shows like Grey's Anatomy, Dead Like Me, and Private Practice.  But I love How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, Dexter, Arrested Development, Veronica Mars, etc.  Usually I take advice from people and watch an episode, feel it out.  Sometimes I watch the whole thing no matter what, because I get stupidly addicted.  TV is like crack for me - I may start hating it, but I can't stop wanting to watch it.

When Liz started talking about this particular television show, I blew it off.  Mostly because she has really good taste and I didn't have time.  Then Tony started talking about it.  And then I didn't want to open up Netflix, because I knew that was gonna be it.

And then I saw the pilot....

Yerp, addicted.  Just like that.  Watched Season 1, and am going to finish Season 2 by next week.  And why is a MBA candidate so addicted to a TV show about high school football?

Well there's the obvious, it reminds me of my own high school days (mascot and school colors are the same).  And then there's the down home country people who are good people at heart, they just care a little too much about beer and football.  Cute little Matt Saracen and effed up Tim Riggins.  And the relationship that Coach Taylor and his wife have is one-of-a-kind.

It's definitely a drama, but it is not super soap-opera (at least not yet).  I would highly recommend watching Season 1 if you can find it (Netflix instant watch - do it, you won't).

I would also highly recommend Lagunitas Cappucino Stout if you can find it on tap!  (For those of you in Philly, Local 44 definitely has it right now).  It's delicious.

Happy Friday!!!  I'm off to the car show.  Yep, I'm just gonna slide on in.

I'll let you know how that goes.

City of Brotherly Love

Two articles relevant to Philadelphians today...

One is about the backpack that was set on fire today on one of the SEPTA subway trains.

Contrary to reports on Twitter, there were no explosions and no injuries were reported.

Don't worry guys, Twitter is not a certified news source.  News to me.  Although it was correct when people said the Broad Street line (one of the two in Philadelphia) wasn't running for hours.  And that SEPTA didn't provide an alternative way to get to your end destination.  Problem solving isn't SEPTA's strong suite.  Neither is marketing or running on time.

JK.  We're actually not.

Besides the startling lack of continuity in public transportation, the City of Brotherly Love has been taking cues from Cain and Able.  When I saw this following picture, I chuckled.

Why?  Because the legend includes "Homicides since Friday."  It is Tuesday.  That is scary, and my sense of humor is morbid.  (Disclaimer:  none of these murders happened anywhere near where I live or frequent.  Otherwise, not so funny.)

Oddly enough, I need to decide whether to continue to live here or go elsewhere.  I make fun of Philly a lot, but there are things I really enjoy like concerts with friends.  Eating and drinking like a hipster on the cheap.  Being close to DC and NYC and my family.  Playing Angry Birds (Surgeon General Warning:  Smashing Pigs is Really Addictive but can also score you free beer) with the local bartender while getting wasteyface.  And, you know, etc.

And having a stoop.

Skalley-wags

My favorite class this term is ECON 698, Economics of Social Justice.  While its super interesting, its a lot of reading.

I got cut from work early on Sunday, and thank goodness because apparently I accidentally stole and iPhone and didn't even know it.  Talk about out of it.  So ANYWAY, around 10 I went to the bar down the street to visit a friend, drink, get some food, and celebrate Sunday Funday.  I sat at the bar by myself and kept reading my homework in between bantering with some of the servers and bartenders.  

These two cute dudes sat down next to me.

I proceeded to ignore them.

Mad Mex clothes + Mad Mex stench + Mad Mex attitude = NOT DOING IT.

After about 90 minutes, one of them started talking to me.

"Hey, what are you reading?"

"I'm reading about economics and religion in historic Europe.  Basically, this Chapter is about why Jewish people are considered stingy and rich."

"Oh, where do you go to school"

"Drexel"

"Oh, me too! I'm going to be a doctor!"

"Cool. I'm getting my MBA."

"Soooo, how are you going to remember what you're reading after four beers?"

"You're counting my beers?"

"uhhhhhh"

"I'm an alcoholic. And I have homework.  This is my solution. It's not like I'm ever going to be operating on anyone."

We talked about other things but I was disenchanted and I really really needed to finish the last 2 pages before I passed the productive part of my drinking.

They left.  Finally.

This was only one of my random stranger conversations this weekend.  Generally, I shy away from them, but being a server negates being shy.  I had another conversation about what Drexel kids think of Penn kids.  This was my take:

"I mean, there's always exceptions to the rule, but in general, Penn kids are snobby, always right, the most important people in the room, and they can't order correctly, be polite, or look at you like you're a human being.  Then they wave Daddy's Black 5 lb Amex card under your nose and proceed to tip you 10%.  And that's how I feel about Penn kids."

Me and the 911 dispatcher got rull close this weekend too.  Some dude puked all over his lap, chugged a beer, then asked for another one.  After being told "no, get out" he proceeded to almost start a fight.  And here were his parting words:

"its all cool when a dude comes in and spends all his money but as soon as he starts puking it's like dude get out!" (now, replace dude with the n-word...uh, yeaaaaa).  While he and his 15 person posse were waiting for all the employees to leave the building, he fell off a ledge and couldn't move.  I politely went over and said "hey guys, everything okay?  need any help?"  "nah man nah"

Okay.  Dial 911.

Twice.

Cuz they started fighting.

Like the dudes on Friday who tried to start fighting with the kitchen guys at 1:30 a.m.  "I'M FRESH OUT DA FEDERAL."

Oy.

So, what I learned this weekend:

1. Jewish people have that rich/stingy stigma attached to them because back in the day it was considered immoral to lend money at interest to people.  Back when the Christian church ran things.  But since Jews were going to hell anyway, they could lend money to anyone.  And then, because they were rich and hated and had a common language, they started dealing in small goods, like gems and gold because those things were easily hidden and available/valuable all over Europe.
2. People are uncouth, unpredictable, and they suck a little.  Or they're really cool.  There's just no way to know, and there's no way to avoid the stupid ones.
3. This new work schedule may kill me.  Or cause me to kill.
4. If a table hands you a stack of dishes, and their iPhone is inbetween two plates, its still your fault that the phone got "stolen" even if you return it.  

Fortunately, I have class all week and I can learn even more.  My brains are starting to fry....

Trapped in a Box

Yes, I know.  Slacker.  Right here.  Haven't been blogging.  And I called someone out for not blogging during my fan-tabulous D.C. trip (which my host, Dave, should be guest blogging about soon).  There are a few reasons why, and I suppose I will try to explain my current frustration with people and the interwebs.

1.  I feel trapped.  I'm not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life, yet.  I'm in grad school (what comes next, I haven't decided!) and I have a long list of things I want to do.  For instance, take a tour of all of the major cities in the U.S., then abroad.  That takes money, as most of my endeavors do, which is frustrating and upsetting, seeings how I have none.

2.  I don't want a real person job.  So I've slacked on looking and slacked on interviews.  I feel bad about that, but somehow I'm hoping it'll work out.  Hence me working on a business plan.  Ya know, in all of that spare time I have lying around.

3.  People are really fucking inconsiderate, most of the time.  Obviously, this applies to little parts of life and to big ones.  Like...global warming.  Most people don't care right now, but their grandkids definitely will.  Also, the simple things.  Like....oh hey, I have my hands completely full of really heavy looking things and you just let the door slam on my face.  Thanks for taking the 0.5 seconds you saved by not helping me and applying them to solving world hunger.  I HOPE.

4.  I'm moving!  And packing!  And paying extra than I'm used to for rent!  And throwing/giving a lot of stuff away!

5.  Class + Work = Packed Schedule.

Anyway, tune in for more later.  But instead of updating 3 times or so a week, I'm going to cut down to about once a week.  There may be more enjoyment in it for you and me that way.

<3.

(Also, happy 21st birthday Loretta!!!)

PIctures Are Sometimes More Eloquent

Here's a shocker - I've been to a lot of bars lately.  Some marketing guru somewhere thought it would be a great idea to put advertisements in the bathroom.  I mean, what else are people gonna try to read while they are in there?  Not many people take comic books or regular books into a pub's restroom with them - that just downright says "I'm an alcoholic who can't leave the bar long enough to take a dump at home."

Luckily, I always take my phone.  One of the few reasons I would like a smartphone (specifically an iPhone) is so that I can do "check ins" on foursquare.

Because I want a free taco at a bar that charges 75 cents for a Miller High Life.
Classy. Lady. Right. Here.

This is in the bathroom at a local favorite bar of mine, Local 44.  I'm not sure why I took a picture of it or what it says.  But it was funny at the time.  Maybe just because it was in the bathroom.  Next time I go I will take a better picture.  It's a one room bathroom so it's not like I should've been rushing to get the picture in for fear that someone would see me and think I was strange.  [Like that doesn't happen all the time anyway].

Here are the two token pictures of my trip to AC.  Don't ask about the first one.  I must've been the same level of drunk for the last picture and this next one.  Same night.  No judgies.

Ya know how it goes.

Yea, we were there for the sunrise.  All of my friends said "ahh, how romantic."  I told them to shut the hell up, it was about as romantic as me trying not to toss my cookies at brunch.  It could've been.  I'm just a little dense.

The next picture is a throwback from June.  My friend saw it on Facebook and was like "will you take pictures at my wedding?  I love the filter on your camera."

Little did she know the recipe for that filter is a $25 Kodak digital camera and a bottle of carpet cleaner leaked in a purse and shaken around.

At least that could be my wedding gift to her.  Much like these chairs were a housewarming gift to me from my parents.  Four chairs, $16 bucks, and dragging them around a thrift store, up the street, to the Ford Focus later....

...we're going to have to chain them up in our backyard.  Our neighborhood has not gotten any safer.  Two shootings and a cop stabbing later, this is a regular day in our 'hood.

At least Nelly is still alive.  And as cute as ever.

In This Body You Will Live

So, I've been boring lately.  At least on here.  Apologies.

It's just that there has not been a whole lot going on.

[LIES.]

My weekend was crazy as usual.  On Friday, I had a random night off.  I went to First Friday's at Portside (the Tattoo Shop that Loretta works at).  After a few free glasses of wine, and meeting Liz's friend from NYC, Jessica, I went home to chill with a few friends over cheap sangria.  At about 1 a.m. I went out to a bar to have a drink with a friend.  As a drink oft does, it turned into one more, another bar, and then a random trip to AC.

I do this thing often where I really try to hang out with EVERY SINGLE PERSON I know within a ridiculously small amount of time.  So with a two hour nap, I went to brunch with Liz, Jessica, and Pogo.  Maybe I'm crazy, but I really wanted to get to know Jessica a little bit better.  Liz and her are blog/real-life biffles, so I know she must be awesome.  Sure enough, soft spoken yet outgoing, Jessica was an amazing person who I hope to hang out with again soon (minus the sleep deprivation).

Later, I went to work, got really sick, made $80 and went home.  For the fourth of July, I spent most of the day in bed, then at work.  Made a lot more money from the drunk/thirsty people who drifted over to University City after the fireworks.  Yesterday and today, I've been cleaning and preparing for my mother to come visit.

So many things have happened.  Smitty, a tattoo artist from Olde City, a very close friend to some of my friends, and the guy who did my second one, committed suicide in his shop, not 40 yards away from Portside.  Suicides leave so many questions unanswered and I just have to wonder, why?  And what happens afterwards?  We know that among the world of the living they leave a wake of despair and clean-up.  Guess no one can ever tell me for sure what happens in the world of the not-living.

At brunch, Liz said something along the lines of "yep, in a few months it will be three Type-A people and me living in the house together."  Okay, call me stupid (some people did), but I didn't know I was a Type-A person.  In case you don't know, here's a quiz.  I scored a 280, in case anyone's interested.

See lately, I've been trying to figure out who I truly am (cheeeeesey) and I've been seeing the large gap between what I think and what is.

The next few days are hectic, but expect a graphic novella soon.

By the way, besides making mad money on a holiday at work, we celebrated with a few after drink beers on the patio while our manager/bartender, B set off some fireworks.  So, yes, I did have some fun.

There Are Only Stupid People

Last night at work, there was a group of dudes at the bar.  The bartender served them 2 drinks a piece.  After not receiving a tip, the bartender refused to serve them anymore.

"Yo man, why aren't you serving us?"
"I don't work for free."
"What do you mean?"
"I said, I don't work for free. You didn't pay me so I'm not going to do anymore work for you."
"But we gave you money for the drinks."
"Yea, and?"
"Oh, you want a tip?"
"Yes, that would be my rent."
"Okay, here's 10 bucks. But don't you get paid by the hour."
"Nope, and I'm still not serving you.  But thanks for the 10 bucks."

....if they had 6 drinks, the bill would've been at least $45, so $10 was probably sufficient.  But these guys come in all the time and never tip.  So they owe a minimum of $100 to be remotely back in the restaurant's good graces.

I heard this story and really wanted to talk to these guys.  Sure enough I got my chance.  The next time I went over to the computer to ring in a drink order...

"HEY GIRL. Can you make drinks?"
"I can, but I'm not allowed because I don't bartend here."
"Oh."
"Well guys, what's up?"
"He won't serve us.  You guys really don't get paid hourly?"
"No."
"Well he's the one who chose this job."
"Yes, but he's trying to get a job as a teacher.  He just graduated.  And the money's good when people follow the tradition tipping method."
"grumble grumble"
"Listen guys, you can choose not to tip, that's fine.  But we can also choose not to serve you.  So go somewhere else."

I walk over to a table to introduce myself, and on my way back over to the bar, these guys are leaving.  I see the one guy take a margarita I had rung in earlier off of the service bar.

"HEY! That's not your margarita!"
"Oh sorry.  Whose is it."
"It's mine, give it back."

I take the margarita from the asshat and they leave.  The next customer interaction involves the cops and a license plate number and an identification.  

They say there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.  Unfortunately, I think it's the majority.

Graphic Novella Time

Because I could not possibly relate to you in words what I am feeling right now...PICTURES!

I took a week off of work because I was too burnt out to continue without punching a lot of customers in the face, screaming "EFF YOU, I'M HUMAN TOO, AND I QUIT" and walking out.  After ordering a bunch of unwanted food for every single table in the restaurant.

Enuff said.

So I drowned my sorrows in shopping.  In the process I watched my lovely roommie Liz wrestle with a size 2 mannequin.

And then hosted a weekend of debauchery with my good friend David.  We had shots.  Lots and lots of shots. 

(HAPPY BIRTHDAY POGSTER!)

The next day, I got a call about an old car who had a flat.  Ah, Ford Probes.  What a lovely heap of junk.  It was my first car and I loved it dearly.  Got in lots of accidents.  However, my car looked much better than this one...probably because I got rid of it 4 years ago.

We stripped the nuts.  Just jack it up!  SO MANY EUPHEMISMS, SO LITTLE TIME.

So we made it a drinking game.  Another reason why I love West Phill-ay.

Later in the week, I soberly travelled home to witness my brother's graduation.  We were at the dinner table celebrating our family's 3 birthdays, 2 graduations, and Fathers' Day all at once.  Lots of opening of gifts.  My mother yelled at my little brother about leaving the price stickers on my older bro's present.  Then proceeded to hand out these gifts to her three children.

Note the present price sticker.  She frantically started ripping the gifts out of our hands to peel the stickers off, only for my smartass lil brother to point out the price was in Australian dollars, not USD.  (The reason the picture was so blurry was because I was fighting my 62 year-old mother off of me, after she knew the sticker was not in USD.  That's how opposed she is to price tags on gifts.)

Needless to say, it was one of those bust-a-gut times when you're not supposed to laugh, but you just have too.

Being in Central PA is kind of relaxing.  I forgot how much I missed having a car and blasting music.  And how much I love buying fresh food from the Amish.

Oh, and how much I love the cheap drugs stuff.

I hope you looked carefully at that picture.
If you didn't laugh, you didn't look carefully enough.

My time in Central PA comes to a premature end as we are all traveling back to Philly for my graduation Saturday.  So, until then, here is the token photograph of Nelly.  Playing/eating a piece of paper.  Not just once, she was going at it ALL WEEK LONG (twss?)!

I think it's safe to say she will never graduate from school.  But here is photographic evidence that the cat can eat my homework.

FIN.

Graphic Novella Ahora

Despite sitting through a three hour interview today and drinking entirely too much sangria, I bring you the second graphic novella.  Everyone I know is miserable right now.  It's the end of a college term with more classes to come.  Doesn't that just put a damper on everyone's mood?  It's SUMMER.  But it's so hot.  I changed outfits 4 times today.  And I'm still sweaty.  Sitting in my air conditioned room.  Because it's that muggy.  Thank you Philadelphia.

Everyone is miserable because we haven't figured our lives out yet, we feel stuck in an unfulfilling  life with futures that are neither what we expected or dreamed.  Will we ever be happy?

I'd be a lot happier if I didn't have to see this butt-crack at work before my 12 hour shift started.

Dude was just randomly on the phone outside my job, in the Grotto, which is where we all hang out and drink, do drugs, make phone calls and sit before our shift starts.  He moved immediately after I took the picture which caused my co-workers to say "did you get it?!" and being the creeper I am, of course I did!   God forbid anyone buys me a camera that does well with "action" shots.

Honestly, all I've done the past few days has been a lot of work and a lot of drinking.  Being completely unmotivated to finish my last few assignments, I've been making bad decisions.  Like...

Scooters is an absolutely legitimate bar.  I mean, c'mon, look at the wood paneling outside.  And "Ladies Night" $3 appletinis?  Absolutely high quality.  We only charge $2.25 for Ice Tea at my corporate joint after all, $3 probably buys Rohypnol too!  And I don't know who that Jay Rider is, but he probably doesn't expect a lot of ass at the end of the night or anything....

Let's just say, every "Ladies Night" I've gone to has ended in a puddle of puke in front of my stoop.  True. Story.

But I do enjoy drinks like this.

(Strawberry Mojito - Sava's - $4 - DELICIOUS.)

This.

(Long Island in far too large a glass.  Oscar's - Dive Bar - Center City Philly - Do you even have to pay for drinks at Oscars?  Definitely less than $5.)

And this.

Yum beer!  This is my kitchen manager at my general manager's going away party.  It was sad because nobody really liked the guy.  The KM offered to drive me and another co-worker "home".  The KM was in the middle of pointing out the hilarity of telling the lame manager we were leaving to go "home" when "home" meant 3 other bars, I pointed out the fact that he just passed a "Road Closed" sign.

Favorite quote ever:

"Well, I'm not drunk, but I would definitely get a DUI.  So...we're gonna go over the sidewalk instead of going in reverse."

That gets you a disapproval look.

After a night like that (and by that I mean a shot and beer at every stop and a loss of money and dignity) my stomach wants nothing more than greasy Chinese food.  And if it's veg, even better.

Seriously, look at that cabbage bowl.  Delicious.

And as always, we'll end with a Nelly snapshot.  Because my week really wouldn't be complete without her.

Cuteshit.

Have a good hump day!

Wine & Spirits

Every time I go to the liquor store, I meet the nicest people.  Fortunately, because I reside in the lovely state of Pennsylvania, my only option to buy wine and liquor by the bottle is at a Wine & Spirits (state owned and run) Store.  Also, fortunately, they are open until 5 p.m. on Sundays, and I get off work at 4 p.m.  Boo-yah.

The nearest W&S is in a slightly sketchy spot.  In fact, I plan my bike ride home based on avoiding a bad area that may be faster, but also much more dangerous.  I think this is why I meet the nicest people.  I have two theories about people in the ghetto being nice.  1) If they don't have a gun, they're nice in case you do. 2)  They want money.  Sometimes.

Case in point - a few alcohol runs ago, I was running a little late.  It was 8:45 and the liquor store is supposed to stay open until 9.  As I ride up to the store, they already have half of the store-front caged off, and the only thing open is the exit door.  Assuming they were closed, I started turning around, but the nice bum let me know they were open.  He also watched my bike.  So I gave him a dollar.  And the next time I was at the liquor store that late, I helped a couple out with the same information.  The lady was screaming at the dude from the car.  I think the dude really appreciated it.

Anyway, I have like 15 more stories, but they are all little and dumb.  And, I have this wine to finish.  There's a bicycle on it!

Yea gurl.

Mi Amigo

I've been thinking about growing up lately.

No really, I've been thinking about the past 4 years that I've spent in Philly and all of the people I've met, worked with, partied with, and formed connections with. Literally, the past 4 years has been a huge growth experience that many people from my town never got because they haven't left the county since they were in high school. If I ever leave, I know I'll lose touch with a lot of people, but there are some I know will always be around...

My friend Dave came up this weekend. He lives in D.C. and is by far the most ridiculous person I know. Not bad ridiculous. Ridiculous as in - the MOST RIDICULOUS THINGS HAPPEN TO HIM EVER . Dave is a pretty normal guy, he's super nice and we get along great. Definitely someone I plan on keeping around forever because he has one unique talent that I need to learn - he makes partying productive and random. Oh, and he's the only person that will never say no to a good time. (Oh, and a BILLION other reasons).

I want to publish the ridiculous stories he tells me that (are super hard to believe but I know) are true. Alas, he would probably go to jail on about 25 different counts of things ranging from murder to grand theft auto to cartel running. In fact, last night as we were in the middle of a group of friends drinking, I heard him say something about finding a card. I immediately knew that he was the person I read a news article about where some dude.........see I have to stop here. Because I love Dave. And I don't want the cops bustin' down my door and force feeding me truth serum until I turn in someone who is harmless.

Moving on, I just got a new MacBook. It was delivered a few hours before Dave randomly decided to drive to Philly because he was supposed to move but then his landlord randomly decided to let him live rent free until August. SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THIS DUDE?!?!?!?! Luckily, Dave knows a lot about computers and hooked me up with stuff (what stuff, I have hardly a clue, but I pretty sure he's the reason I have any software). While he was doing this, we were partying like non-other. In fact, when my roommate got up to do the Broad Street Run (what a healthy asshat) he was amazed that we were both still up with Dave bent over both a PC and a Mac and me bent over a Cap't Morgan bottle......

What my roommate doesn't know is the one random (AND COMPLETELY LEGAL) thing that happened to us. So we were sitting on my stoop at 4:20 a.m. (okay, I may have lied about it being completely legal) and we're listening to the birds chirp, talking about Dave's antics and my blog and a publishing deal (we determined this will never happen due to the whole jail thing...maybe when the statue of limitations runs out on every crime ever committed...or when hell freezes over...or when pigs fly...). All of the sudden we hear a whizzzzz, PLOP! and see a bird that has just fallen out of a tree about 10 feet away from where we are sitting. I tell Dave we'll wait 10 minutes before we go over to take a picture just in case whatever killed this bird and made it fall out of the tree wants to eat it. We took a gazillion pictures.

Twenty minutes later the bird was gone. The sidewalk was clear of all corpses.

WTF.

The moral of me talking about Dave is that I had an entirely unproductive (but I have a laptop that works perfectly so semi-productive) weekend which included two trips to the liquor store, very little sleep, and Dave. If I was a crazy (oh, wait) I would be hating on myself for not getting stuff done. Luckily, I applied for a job today. Just one. But hello productivity!

Alcohol: A Solution

Last night at The Pit (dingy, underlit, can-smoke-inside, after hours kind of bar) one of my coworkers said "I have something called a drinking problem." I responded in kind "It's more of a drinking solution."

Well maybe it's both.

Obviously, I did not update my blog. Go figure. Real life happened. And stuff. There was probably alcohol involved. Not gonna lie. Will do it soon. Soon being anywhere from tomorrow until three/six months from now. Eventually....we'll leave it at that.

In the meantime, I want to talk about my "connects". And dumb boys. I know, I know, how do these relate? Well....sit back, take a swig of rum, at let me tell you the story.

There's this new boy. And as always, my mouth will ruin it. NOT IN THAT WAY GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. My issue is I work with this boy, and I canNOT help but have mouth diarrhea constantly about him and how much I would love to.........well, ya know (you may now insert your mind back into the gutter) while I'm AT WORK. And he's there too. Unclassy, unprofessional, and I'm a little disturbed by myself. So I have made a pact to stop talking about him. Period. Done. Fin. At work. At the top of my lungs.

Anyway.

This boy has a tattoo. And we hung out the other night and ended up talking about tattoos. Luckily, my bfffffffffxinfinity works at a tattoo shop! Which mean I have a connection that he can make use of. That we can make use of together actually, which makes my end goal all the more attainable.

So now this boy thinks I have a lot of connections. He brings up a good point. I know a lot of people, I meet a lot of people, people like doing things for me and I like hooking people up. So maybe I have a few connections. Showcased in the fact that I'm getting a brand new MacBook Pro for $875 instead of $1200. Which is AWESOME. If I can figure out how to work it.

My solution to the boy problem is alcohol. On Sunday, I shall get a lil tipsy, go to roller derby, hang out with all of my awesome friends, impress him with my awesome friends and maybe awesome outfit, and then drunkenly make out a lil. Maybe. If I can grow some imaginary balls.

Can some of my "connects" help me out with that? Doubt it.

My real plan: to do nothing. I have no idea. And I hate thinking about boys. Ima ride the wave and see what happens. If anything does, I have no doubt a little liquid courage will help me out a lot. Otherwise, I'm resting on my laurels. And my connections. Thanks guys.