Funny how things change.

I got a new job!  I wake up every morning surprised that I don't hate my life.  My friend and I got out of the hell-hole at the same time.  It was kind of like we were in a large warehouse, running away from people with guns.  The warehouse doors were closing and we just barely made it under the ever-lowering escape door right before imminent slavery and death.

Dramatic, I know.  But it is still kind of like that.

Now I'm bored.  I was just talking to a friend yesterday - it's like, you get out of school, you have all this debt and no money.  You used to just go get drunk with friends all the time, but now everyone's spread out, you're lazy and broke.  You have a significant other at home that you kind of really like hanging out with.  So you sit at home, watch TV, clean and then lament about how you're bored.

I picked up crocheting.  Again.  For the thousandth time.  Since my commute has grown from 8 minutes to 68 minutes, I'm actually 1/3 of the way through a scarf.  But then what?!

I've been watching Community lately.  I just got yesterday how they are a little community, and how important it is.  Now, we're all glued to our phones and laptops and tablets and TVs, very rarely having face-to-face conversations or hang-out sessions.  I don't like it, yet I cancelled my Twitter account the other day then immediately opened it again.  Haven't posted in almost a year - I'm just worried about losing my username.

Seriously.

So anyway - if you're a friend, please come hang out with me.  We can crochet and drink tea together, because I have yarn and tea and water.  I also have coffee - but no cream.

Party Planning

On Friday, weeks of planning came to fruition as the day of the party I had been planning arrived.  My work is trying to reach a target group, and in order to do that, we teamed up with our manufacturer to throw a party!

I came up with the charity theme - decorating notebooks for kids at CHOP.  Apparently notebooks/journals are one of the most asked for items from kids staying at the hospital, and are also the only item you can alter before donation.  (Everything else has to be in original packaging).

Since our target audience are from the creative group, I figured this was the perfect interactive charity event!

My boss kind of gave my team control, so I ran with it.  We decided on red and white wine, and this fantastic mulled apple cider recipe.  We used rum, cider, anise, cinnamon and cloves - so yummy!  The caterer brought cheese, fruit, cookies, and some hot appetizers.  For decoration supplies, we relied on BJ's, Michaels, and some very generous donations from our manufacturing partners.

The event turned out way better than I thought it would.  Everything kind of fell together, there were no last minute emergencies.  People actually came and had a great time!  And, best of all, the kids at CHOP get some great journals.

Happy holidays everyone!!

I heart Chicago

The amount of stories I have to write about from this past week is staggering.  Unfortunately, in this age of "Omg, you have a blog and you wrote what you think about us? You're fired." Means I can write very little about my trip to Chicago.

Chicago is a great city.  This time, I actually got a chance to walk around and see the city, which is beautifully decorated for the holiday season.  There's a cupcake ATM, a lit up Trump Hotel, waterways through the city, and a clean, friendly feeling around the city.  I was able to visit my good friend Brittany again.  We've been friends since middle school, and being able to share memories and stories, old and new, over martinis is something I love.

The first stop we made after the hotel was the Blue Man Group show.  Way better and funnier than I thought it would be.  One of the girls in our group got pulled up onto stage which made it even more entertaining.

Next stop was dinner.  More on dinner below.

Next stop was the liquor store.  And boy, did we need it.

The rest of the trip was stressful and awkward, to say the least.  We worked out of our Chicago office when we weren't in training, and their connection is s....l........o..............w.  It was also cramped.  And loud, as there's no carpet or curtains or fabric of any kind absorbing noise.  However, the people that work there are awesome, so, some saving grace.

What I will say to the dinner awkwardness - imagine having dinner with 8 people, 4 of whom run the company and are oblivious to how utterly angry the other 4 people are at the table because of the way the first 4 treat the second 4.  Now, imagine the most important person being slightly intoxicated.  And asking hard and opened questions.  Whose answers cause arguments that attract attention from surrounding tables.

Now, imagine looking forward to that every single night of your trip.

If you can imagine that, you can understand why I now will stop talking about my long ass business trip to Chicago.

Stuck late at work, again.

In the industry I'm in, there are lots of RFI and RFQ posts we have to respond to.  These all have deadlines, most require us to overnight mail a big box full of documents.  (Yes, I think its a huge waste of resources when we have computers.)  So, we usually use the 7 p.m. deadline so we can drop the box off downstairs before the UPS guy comes and takes it.

Last night, it was 7 p.m. and we were not done.

Someone calls around, no mailing place is open except for FedEx a few blocks away.  We call, their driver will be there until 8:10, even though they close at 8.  At 8:02, I run out of the office with a box.

I realize how ridiculous I look, running down the Philadelphia sidewalks in a dress and boots, but I don't care.  This project doesn't get turned in, I'm going to be pissed.  Because I'm running.  And I look ridiculous.  And it's 8 p.m. and I'm still working.

I get there, the doors are locked,  I run around the building and find the FedEx van.  I get there, out of breath and ask the lady "can you take this box, it is all good?"

"Well ma'am, this is a UPS label."

"Oh...man..."

Never ending pause....

"Well, there's a UPS truck sometimes still loading just down the alley, let's go see if they are still there!"

I thank the lady profusely and wish her a happy Thanksgiving.  The UPS truck is abandoned, so I call back to my company.

"I found the FedEx truck, but it's a UPS label."

"So they took it, right?"

....

"No, but I'm at the UPS place now, can you call here and tell them I'm at their loading dock in front of their truck, please?"

___

Later when I got home, I just took a breath and said out loud, "that was absolutely ridiculous."  And I completely got how insane everything was that just happened.  Welcome to the real world.

(Grand) Parents

I'm posting this from work.  But to be fair it's 6 p.m. and I'm supposed to go home at 5 p.m.  I'm just waiting for this thing.  This project thing.  It's like in college when you are the one putting together the final submission and one person in your group waits until the last minute.  Yea, that happens in real life too.  Only it's not their fault.  So I'm not mad.  I'm just hungry.

And really looking forward to Thanksgiving.

Guys, I have a niece.  I've been allergic to babies since I could have one, but this little bugger stole my heart. She's so freakin' cute and adorable.  All I want to do for those 4 days is hug her.  Although I'm pretty sure my mom will not let that happen.  She's obsessed.  It's the first grandchild - it's so weird to think of your mom as a grandma.  It's actually blowing my mind a little.  Every time I think about my parents being grandparents it makes me sad.

Sad for reasons I'm not going into right now because one of my bff's is coming in from New York today and we get to hang out for a few hours and I'm not ruining by being depress-y about my parents getting old!!!

But seriously, what is with all of this life change?

I called my mom on Saturday because I was having a lot of stomach issues.  In tears, I just wanted her help and advice.  When I was a teenager, I did not want anything to do with her advice and help.  Can you even imagine a world where you don't have your parents to bounce stuff off of?  I know some people don't, but for those of us that do, be extra grateful and make sure they know it at Thanksgiving.  Because let's face it, your mid-twenties suck and your parents have already done it.  They know more than we ever thought.

WEIRD HOW THAT TURNED OUT, EH?

Weekend Paradox

On Sunday morning I came home and realized that I had only just said goodbye to my dear old med-school friend the day before.  But it seemed like it had been a few days ago.  However, now it is already Monday and I'm trying to find the perfect poop time at work. 

How does the weekend always do that?  Seem so long, but yet so short?

I mean, come on.  Friday was great and then it was Saturday.  My mind got that one day transition.  Then on Sunday, I ended up ruminating how it was just yesterday that I said goodbye to my dear old friend AND took boxing lessons.  But it seems like eons ago.  At least a few days went by in-between Saturday and Sunday, right?!

But it is already Monday; and what a Monday indeed.  I came in early to proctor an exam.  Apparently these students, who all must have a bachelor’s degree before coming into this program, have “never taken a test that isn’t multiple choice”.  Excuse me.  No, I am not joking that this is a short answer exam.  No, I have no idea how long each answer should be because I have no idea what you are studying.  And no, I don’t think she’ll mind if you draw charts to help solidify your answers.  Yes, if the professor can’t read it, it will be wrong.  Now, my question to you, “what the hell is wrong with you people?”  I would have failed them all immediately for not being able to take a short answer test.

Alas, their grade is not up to me (probably good for them considering they were the reason I was awake before 7 am).  So Monday continues and hopefully this week will be full of good things.  I think it will be.  If my awesome poop timing is any indicator!

[Come on, EVERYONE who has worked knows, you should poop at work because you get paid for it.  And, finding the perfect timing when no one is in the bathroom/sees you when you leave a stinky stall is the best.]

Anyone doing anything fun this week? Got any good links to waste my time?!

Mo' Monies, Mo' Problems

I have so many ideas.

Yesterday as I was walking to work, I thought about commuting and how we should get paid for it.  See, I’m supposed to be at work at 8:30.  Quite frankly, that’s a little bit early for me.  On most days, like today, I spend an extra 10 minutes in bed, an extra 5 minutes in the warm shower, another extra 5 minutes critiquing my dress and changing, and then as I’m rushing to pour the coffee and pack my lunch the clock reads 8:25 and I have to look for my phone.  Which is nowhere to be found.  Because it is already in my bag.

That 20 extra minutes of nothingness eats up the 20 minutes I saved to walk to work.  So as I’m walking, I’m getting paid.  

And shouldn’t I be getting paid?  I mean, I’m either walking or cycling to work.  That’s GREAT for the environment and cuts down on traffic and parking for other city residents/employees.  Wait, shouldn’t everyone be getting paid to commute? I mean, we wouldn’t be using that time up if we didn’t have to get to our job…

Incentives.  We learned about them in B-school.  How are the ways one commutes to work?  Car, train, subway, bus, walk, cycle, sleepwalk…  So, we have driving in vehicles, walking/cycling, or taking public transit.  I’m sure there are other ways, but for simplicities sake, let’s just stick with these three.  

Driving

Let’s say people who drive get paid for gas and a small per mile rate for wear-and-tear and insurance.  HOLD IT.  You say that people would be willing to drive farther for work then, tearing up the environment and causing traffic jams and doing the total opposite of what the program is supposed to achieve?!?!

Just wait until you hear the rest of the idea!

Public Transit

Workers that take public transit get compensated for the fares plus extra money for taking a slightly more “green” route to work.  I didn’t think about how much compensation, but enough to make the car people jealous.  Maybe like $10 a week?

Walkers/Bikers

These people get the most money.  After all, besides crop dusting, they are causing the least amount of harm to the environment and also cutting down on traffic and tied-up parking.  I believe these people should get compensated (by a block = mile) at the same rate they would if they were driving.  Without the cost of driving, they make out the best.

And hence the people who are doing the least harm, both societal and environmental get paid for it.

Oh yes, there are many problems with this plan.  Whose gonna pay for it?  Why are we getting paid to commute?  WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, I HAVE TO DRIVE AND IT’S NOT FAIR, DAMMIT.

It’s a theoretical plan.  Over time, the people that “have to drive” would either move closer or get a new job.  Local hires would be more prevalent, making the tax cuts some companies get for building in certain neighborhoods actually work for the community.  It’s not perfect, but does utopia exist?

On my imaginary private island it does!

[While I “get paid” to commute, I don’t take a lunch, so it makes up for it.  Not a slacker or dishonest worker, promise.]

So over it

After one more whirlwind week, life will finally slow down.  I have a few pieces of good news.

Even though I was out of gym commission for a week, I still am down 10 solid lbs.  And I'm back at the gym as of today!

Liz's bday was awesome.  I am always amazed when I run into people I know at some random bar in Philly.  Ran into a few people I used to work with and some Brothers from the frat came too!

I have an interview in Wisconsin next week.  Literally a week from today, I will be at an airport having a wind-down drink waiting for my flight back to Philadelphia.  And it is stressing me out.

I went to my first Flyers game with the bf this weekend.  It was mad cool and I will probably do a post about it tomorrow.

V-day was the best ever as I spent it with a few girlfriends and we got tipsy, played games, and watched Carrie Bradshaw be a crazy biotch while Samantha got laid again, and again, and yet again. 

I got two pairs of Steve Madden boots for super duper cheap.  And they are lovely.  (Here and here are links). 

So, I'm over school.  Tonight is the night I have class with a professor who insists that we come listen to him rant about cell phones and how stupid we are while teaching us nothing about Operations Management, then hands out arbitrary grades.  In fact, he just informed us that if we used the book to answer a question on the midterm, we were wrong.  Even though his powerpoint slides confirmed that it was correct way to do the problem.  And every single person in this graduate class did the problem the same way.  But yet, he says we are flys on walls that get shat on, and we eat it.  I kid you not.  That all was just said.

In other news, I have to do a 10 minute presentation for my interview in WI.  They have given me free range for whatever topic I choose, sans powerpoint.  After brainstorming I've come up with a few ideas, but I think I'm going to talk about beer.  Because that is one of the few politically correct things I can speak intelligently about for 10 minutes.  Thanks to my $172,000 (give or take a few thousand) education.  But I figure if I put the spin on beer education that it can make people look good and expand their horizons, it'll work.  And people will remember it, hence remember me.  And hire me.

Good idea?  Or fail waiting to happen?!?!

What's that in your water?

I'll say it once, I'll say it again:  Don't mess with the people that are serving you food or drinks.

Luckily for the normal consumer, tips come at the end of a meal, so it motivates the servers to be nice to you and work for it.  Because if they knew how much you'd tip, the service would be closely correlated.  However, I've come up with a scheme that levels the playing field.  It's called eye drops.

If someone starts being an a-hole, they are going to get eye drops in whatever they are drinking.  I might not know how much they'll tip me, but I will know that they will spend a very satisfying hour on the toilet pooping out massive amounts of douche.

And then, as time goes on, they'll realize it's the "restaurant" making them sick.  And they won't ever come back.  Then all the people who make my life hell on earth everyday will not come back.  Just like that, a better work environment.

List of things that make you a jerk:
"Can you just bring us a round of waters."
"I'm allergic to peppers." (at a mexican place, really?!)
"I want a Long Island, and can you make it strong?"
"We'll just have the check, and we're all separate, so we'll take separate checks."
"Can you read the menu to me?  I forgot my glasses."
"My fries taste different than her fries."
"I hate this margarita, it's so bitter."
"You did such a wonderful job serving us." (tips less than 10%)
"HEY YOU! Yea, I want wings, how much they cost?"
"We don't want to sit here, we want to sit right there."
"Oh, I ordered food at the bar already, just tell them to bring it to me here."
"Can I have a hot tea?"
Every time a server walks up to your table you ask for one thing, when they come back you ask for one more thing, rinse and repeat.
Eating half your food, deciding you don't like it.

And the list goes on.  For all of those people above, you get eye dropped water and/or alcohol.  Sorry about your luck, but you should always know, don't mess with the people who can mess with your food.

When it's cold outside, you're supposed to wear pants

You know what I enjoy laughing at?  Girls wearing inappropriate clothing for the season.  Bare legs and open toed shoes are not the way to go in this weather.  I mean, c'mon.  There are SIX, SIX different seasons for selling women's clothes, and retailers sell ALL SIX.  Men have a limited choice compared to women.  We have every type of shoe and piece of cloth available to cover us.  WEAR SOMETHING APPROPRIATE.

Today is my Friday.  I have to be at work soon, working with a manager who goes hot and cold like a 12 year old girl PMS-ing.  So I'm going to stockpile the snarky comments and leave you with this (sorry if you're a dude).

How I love (weather appropriate) shoes.

Some things just make me chuckle

Yesterday, I was reading on philly.com about some kid in a wheelchair and his clothing line when I noticed a gigantic ad in the background for the Philadelphia Auto Show which is going on in the next two weeks.  Guess what the tagline was.

Wait for it...

"Just slide on in."

If that's not a huge thats what she said, I don't know what it.

Another funny thing is fulfilled stereotypes.  But it's only funny when everyone in the situation thinks it's funny.  Otherwise, it's probably racist.  Or in appropriate.  So, still funny, but laugh in your head funny, not riotous laughter funny.  For instance, the other day at work, I had a table of four black people.  One couple was normal, the other was super ghettolicious.  The dude ordered a steak and chicken fajita.

Me:  How do you want your steak cooked?
Me in my head:  Well Done or Med Well, sent back for being a little pink
Him:  Gurl, what do I look like to you?  You know how we do.  Well. Done. Put it in the bank.
All of us:  Awkward chuckle laughter

Anddddddd fin.  Check out these two websites.  At least one will make you chuckle!

http://1000awesomethings.com/
http://catalogliving.net/

And you can put that in the bank!

2011 and so much has happened

I haven't blogged since October.
Yes, I know.
You didn't miss me!

Mostly, I haven't blogged because there's no direction for this space. My roomie Liz has a wonderful blog, Dance to the Radio, dedicated mostly to music, some to fashion.  And she does a wonderful job because that's her jawn.  But what's my jawn?  One of my other friends had a hard time getting me a Christmas gift, just because my interests are super specific, and they usually change with the position of the moon.

And I definitely don't want to talk about my life.  Okay, of course I do, doesn't everyone?  But...  A.) gossip mill.  B.)  dramz.  C.) if none of the above, dull at best.  I could talk about my cat and her idiosyncrasies, but I'm not ready to be labeled as an old cat lady yet.

So, I guess I need suggestions on topics.  Or something.  Direction on what to do here and in my life would be much appreciated.  Especially since I am apparently not a Gemini anymore.

2010 was a year.  I believe that's what 365 consecutive days are called.  I finished college, started grad school, went further in debt, moved, was single, then was not, went to Florida, celebrated holidays and birthdays, and generally trudged through the year.

Okay, that was a really bad reflection.

For now, let me share some goals for 2011, I'm done with 2010.  That is ancient history.
1.  Find a "real" job.
Finding a real job requires effort and showers.  Don't know if I'm up for it yet.  I keep applying and taking personality tests and aptitude tests.  But the going is slow.  Especially since I lack direction on a career and a location.  Sense a theme?

2.  Lose 30 lbs by the end of May, 50 by September.
People hate this.  They think it is unhealthy and whatnot.  Some people don't want to hear about it at all. Like my life isn't supposed to be like The Biggest Loser. REAL people don't weigh that much.  Anyway, I don't hate this goal yet, but talk to me in a week when my legs don't work anymore and all I want is a hot, steaming bowl of delicious macaroni and cheese with a side of black forest cake loaded with vanilla ice cream.  If my arms aren't so sore that I can't lift the fork to my face.

3.  Finish grad school...
...without punching someone in the face or failing a class due to lack of interest.

4.  Finish Landmark curriculum.
I took a great class called Landmark that basically gave me the tools to handle life and make it work.  Despite the teasing by most friends, I found it really helpful and am continuing the education so that I can live with direction and power.  So that's on the list...

5.  Write a novel/screenplay in a month.
This is going to happen in February or April.  I'm so excited.  No showers necessary.

6.  Learn Espanol.
Enough to get by in Tijuana.

Goals, goals, goals.  This year, the score is going to be Universe: 1,297,283 Me: 6

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get through this crazy professor's boring ass economics class.  Then I have a date at an Irish Pub with an Irish bartendar.  I really wish alcohol was zero calories.

Skalley-wags

My favorite class this term is ECON 698, Economics of Social Justice.  While its super interesting, its a lot of reading.

I got cut from work early on Sunday, and thank goodness because apparently I accidentally stole and iPhone and didn't even know it.  Talk about out of it.  So ANYWAY, around 10 I went to the bar down the street to visit a friend, drink, get some food, and celebrate Sunday Funday.  I sat at the bar by myself and kept reading my homework in between bantering with some of the servers and bartenders.  

These two cute dudes sat down next to me.

I proceeded to ignore them.

Mad Mex clothes + Mad Mex stench + Mad Mex attitude = NOT DOING IT.

After about 90 minutes, one of them started talking to me.

"Hey, what are you reading?"

"I'm reading about economics and religion in historic Europe.  Basically, this Chapter is about why Jewish people are considered stingy and rich."

"Oh, where do you go to school"

"Drexel"

"Oh, me too! I'm going to be a doctor!"

"Cool. I'm getting my MBA."

"Soooo, how are you going to remember what you're reading after four beers?"

"You're counting my beers?"

"uhhhhhh"

"I'm an alcoholic. And I have homework.  This is my solution. It's not like I'm ever going to be operating on anyone."

We talked about other things but I was disenchanted and I really really needed to finish the last 2 pages before I passed the productive part of my drinking.

They left.  Finally.

This was only one of my random stranger conversations this weekend.  Generally, I shy away from them, but being a server negates being shy.  I had another conversation about what Drexel kids think of Penn kids.  This was my take:

"I mean, there's always exceptions to the rule, but in general, Penn kids are snobby, always right, the most important people in the room, and they can't order correctly, be polite, or look at you like you're a human being.  Then they wave Daddy's Black 5 lb Amex card under your nose and proceed to tip you 10%.  And that's how I feel about Penn kids."

Me and the 911 dispatcher got rull close this weekend too.  Some dude puked all over his lap, chugged a beer, then asked for another one.  After being told "no, get out" he proceeded to almost start a fight.  And here were his parting words:

"its all cool when a dude comes in and spends all his money but as soon as he starts puking it's like dude get out!" (now, replace dude with the n-word...uh, yeaaaaa).  While he and his 15 person posse were waiting for all the employees to leave the building, he fell off a ledge and couldn't move.  I politely went over and said "hey guys, everything okay?  need any help?"  "nah man nah"

Okay.  Dial 911.

Twice.

Cuz they started fighting.

Like the dudes on Friday who tried to start fighting with the kitchen guys at 1:30 a.m.  "I'M FRESH OUT DA FEDERAL."

Oy.

So, what I learned this weekend:

1. Jewish people have that rich/stingy stigma attached to them because back in the day it was considered immoral to lend money at interest to people.  Back when the Christian church ran things.  But since Jews were going to hell anyway, they could lend money to anyone.  And then, because they were rich and hated and had a common language, they started dealing in small goods, like gems and gold because those things were easily hidden and available/valuable all over Europe.
2. People are uncouth, unpredictable, and they suck a little.  Or they're really cool.  There's just no way to know, and there's no way to avoid the stupid ones.
3. This new work schedule may kill me.  Or cause me to kill.
4. If a table hands you a stack of dishes, and their iPhone is inbetween two plates, its still your fault that the phone got "stolen" even if you return it.  

Fortunately, I have class all week and I can learn even more.  My brains are starting to fry....

Maximizing Utility

And there it is folks, it's all in the title.  Ima geek for economics.  Which is why I'm "concentrating" in economics for my MBA.  In fact, I'm concentrating so hard on it, that I have to take 3 whole classes.

At the breakfast table, the blonde wouldn't stop staring at the orange juice container.  Why?  Because it say "100% concentrate".

Ba-da-dum!  Thanks, I'll be here all week!

On a side note, grad school has actually helped me become smarter.  I walked into the classroom I thought ECON 698 was taught in, looked at all the young, eager, fresh-faced kids, realized that they were in no way grad students, and left.  They looked at me kind of funny, but I ended up in the right classroom before the embarrassing "this class is BLAH 666, so if you're in the wrong classroom leave now.  Let's do roll."

Anyway....utility = happiness in economics.  For 5 years now, I've worked 30-45 hours a week while taking a full class load.  In the nine months I have left of college, I'm going to work 25 hours a weekend, and take the weekdays off.  And while I may not be happy this weekend flinging margaritas and wing jawns at people, this week has been one of the happiest of my college experience.  Hanging out with my cat (Nelly) and doing homework.  And sending ridiculous emails to my roommates.

For example:
----------------------------------------------------------
Subject:  the reason why nelly has three names
To:  my roomies

http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/tseliot/5536

bahahaha i wish i had actually planned this.

---------------------------------------------------------

The link is to TS Eliot (and no Google, I did not mean TS Elliot) and his poem about why cats have three names.  

My cat's name:  Nelly Shaniqua Furtado.  

I really do wish I had planned it.

ANYway.  There is no substance to this post.  But, maybe tomorrow?  OH WAIT.  17 hour shift tomorrow.  Maybe Monday!  If I can find time between hanging out with Nelly and sending my roommates annoying retarded emails.  I lead a rough life.  I know, I should write a book and sell the movie rights to Lifetime.

Headlines You Should Read:

Walmart has Saboteurs 

 What PA should do

Jimmy Eat World's New Album Rocks (and so does Liz's new blog header)

What Justin Bieber Said

 What Kurt Cobain Said Back

Trapped in a Box

Yes, I know.  Slacker.  Right here.  Haven't been blogging.  And I called someone out for not blogging during my fan-tabulous D.C. trip (which my host, Dave, should be guest blogging about soon).  There are a few reasons why, and I suppose I will try to explain my current frustration with people and the interwebs.

1.  I feel trapped.  I'm not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life, yet.  I'm in grad school (what comes next, I haven't decided!) and I have a long list of things I want to do.  For instance, take a tour of all of the major cities in the U.S., then abroad.  That takes money, as most of my endeavors do, which is frustrating and upsetting, seeings how I have none.

2.  I don't want a real person job.  So I've slacked on looking and slacked on interviews.  I feel bad about that, but somehow I'm hoping it'll work out.  Hence me working on a business plan.  Ya know, in all of that spare time I have lying around.

3.  People are really fucking inconsiderate, most of the time.  Obviously, this applies to little parts of life and to big ones.  Like...global warming.  Most people don't care right now, but their grandkids definitely will.  Also, the simple things.  Like....oh hey, I have my hands completely full of really heavy looking things and you just let the door slam on my face.  Thanks for taking the 0.5 seconds you saved by not helping me and applying them to solving world hunger.  I HOPE.

4.  I'm moving!  And packing!  And paying extra than I'm used to for rent!  And throwing/giving a lot of stuff away!

5.  Class + Work = Packed Schedule.

Anyway, tune in for more later.  But instead of updating 3 times or so a week, I'm going to cut down to about once a week.  There may be more enjoyment in it for you and me that way.

<3.

(Also, happy 21st birthday Loretta!!!)

In This Body You Will Live

So, I've been boring lately.  At least on here.  Apologies.

It's just that there has not been a whole lot going on.

[LIES.]

My weekend was crazy as usual.  On Friday, I had a random night off.  I went to First Friday's at Portside (the Tattoo Shop that Loretta works at).  After a few free glasses of wine, and meeting Liz's friend from NYC, Jessica, I went home to chill with a few friends over cheap sangria.  At about 1 a.m. I went out to a bar to have a drink with a friend.  As a drink oft does, it turned into one more, another bar, and then a random trip to AC.

I do this thing often where I really try to hang out with EVERY SINGLE PERSON I know within a ridiculously small amount of time.  So with a two hour nap, I went to brunch with Liz, Jessica, and Pogo.  Maybe I'm crazy, but I really wanted to get to know Jessica a little bit better.  Liz and her are blog/real-life biffles, so I know she must be awesome.  Sure enough, soft spoken yet outgoing, Jessica was an amazing person who I hope to hang out with again soon (minus the sleep deprivation).

Later, I went to work, got really sick, made $80 and went home.  For the fourth of July, I spent most of the day in bed, then at work.  Made a lot more money from the drunk/thirsty people who drifted over to University City after the fireworks.  Yesterday and today, I've been cleaning and preparing for my mother to come visit.

So many things have happened.  Smitty, a tattoo artist from Olde City, a very close friend to some of my friends, and the guy who did my second one, committed suicide in his shop, not 40 yards away from Portside.  Suicides leave so many questions unanswered and I just have to wonder, why?  And what happens afterwards?  We know that among the world of the living they leave a wake of despair and clean-up.  Guess no one can ever tell me for sure what happens in the world of the not-living.

At brunch, Liz said something along the lines of "yep, in a few months it will be three Type-A people and me living in the house together."  Okay, call me stupid (some people did), but I didn't know I was a Type-A person.  In case you don't know, here's a quiz.  I scored a 280, in case anyone's interested.

See lately, I've been trying to figure out who I truly am (cheeeeesey) and I've been seeing the large gap between what I think and what is.

The next few days are hectic, but expect a graphic novella soon.

By the way, besides making mad money on a holiday at work, we celebrated with a few after drink beers on the patio while our manager/bartender, B set off some fireworks.  So, yes, I did have some fun.

There Are Only Stupid People

Last night at work, there was a group of dudes at the bar.  The bartender served them 2 drinks a piece.  After not receiving a tip, the bartender refused to serve them anymore.

"Yo man, why aren't you serving us?"
"I don't work for free."
"What do you mean?"
"I said, I don't work for free. You didn't pay me so I'm not going to do anymore work for you."
"But we gave you money for the drinks."
"Yea, and?"
"Oh, you want a tip?"
"Yes, that would be my rent."
"Okay, here's 10 bucks. But don't you get paid by the hour."
"Nope, and I'm still not serving you.  But thanks for the 10 bucks."

....if they had 6 drinks, the bill would've been at least $45, so $10 was probably sufficient.  But these guys come in all the time and never tip.  So they owe a minimum of $100 to be remotely back in the restaurant's good graces.

I heard this story and really wanted to talk to these guys.  Sure enough I got my chance.  The next time I went over to the computer to ring in a drink order...

"HEY GIRL. Can you make drinks?"
"I can, but I'm not allowed because I don't bartend here."
"Oh."
"Well guys, what's up?"
"He won't serve us.  You guys really don't get paid hourly?"
"No."
"Well he's the one who chose this job."
"Yes, but he's trying to get a job as a teacher.  He just graduated.  And the money's good when people follow the tradition tipping method."
"grumble grumble"
"Listen guys, you can choose not to tip, that's fine.  But we can also choose not to serve you.  So go somewhere else."

I walk over to a table to introduce myself, and on my way back over to the bar, these guys are leaving.  I see the one guy take a margarita I had rung in earlier off of the service bar.

"HEY! That's not your margarita!"
"Oh sorry.  Whose is it."
"It's mine, give it back."

I take the margarita from the asshat and they leave.  The next customer interaction involves the cops and a license plate number and an identification.  

They say there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.  Unfortunately, I think it's the majority.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

While at my brother's graduation, I got a little distracted.  Obviously...those ceremonies are long.  So I did something I haven't done in a long time...cloud watched!

While I didn't take a picture of the elephant cloud, I did take a picture of the balloons they released.

I also took a picture of the chipmunk that was mounted on the football field's goal post.  Seriously? WTF?

Later that week when we stopped to see my 90 year old grandma, we were greeted by the ugliest cat ever carrying around a chipmunk/squirrel thing like above.

My Grandma may be a little unsteady on her feet and suffer from dementia, but she has this uncanny knack for plants.  This uncanny knack brings an almost scary talent where she can simply look down, bend over, and pick up a four leaf clover.  No lie.

She couldn't see the graduation pictures on my 13 in MacBook, but she totally just spotted the 4 leaf clover.  

I did a lot of traveling during vacation.  My friend Dave drives a mini-van.  I'd like to make fun of it, but it's awesome.  However, it has the biggest hole in the rear wheel well I've ever noticed.

At my friend's graduation party, I was a tad bit nervous because I was getting drunk and her parents were present.  However, after her mother unveiled the extremely beautiful graduation cake and then proceeded to swipe a corner of it on a chair, so I stopped being nervous.

During the party Pogo and I went to go pick up some supplies.  We encountered two interesting things on the way.

Soymilk juice box like thing? Yes, please.

Who wouldn't go to a convenience store that had a sign that said "you are beautiful" and took Visa and Mastercard?  

Later in my vacation week, Liz and I went to Rittenhouse park.  We got coffee (I loved the napkins) and stared up at the sky.

I've been told I have a doppleganger in the city; someone people mistake as me and then later are like "WHY DID YOU IGNORE ME ON THE STREET" while I explain I was at work all day.  Even my best friends do this.

I've also seen my bicycle doppleganger and have been very happy that my bike is cooler (yes, I'm vain like that).  I've always wanted to stop and take a picture and I finally got the chance at the train station when I parked my bike super close to Clementine's doppleganger.  

(It's the orange one.  Clementine.  Get it?)

After vacation it is back to the grind of work.  Luckily, when my manager inevitably makes me cry I can go into the bathroom's second stall and look at some great graffiti.

Oh, the truth that lines the bathroom walls.

(Thanks Loretta).

Graphic Novella Time

Because I could not possibly relate to you in words what I am feeling right now...PICTURES!

I took a week off of work because I was too burnt out to continue without punching a lot of customers in the face, screaming "EFF YOU, I'M HUMAN TOO, AND I QUIT" and walking out.  After ordering a bunch of unwanted food for every single table in the restaurant.

Enuff said.

So I drowned my sorrows in shopping.  In the process I watched my lovely roommie Liz wrestle with a size 2 mannequin.

And then hosted a weekend of debauchery with my good friend David.  We had shots.  Lots and lots of shots. 

(HAPPY BIRTHDAY POGSTER!)

The next day, I got a call about an old car who had a flat.  Ah, Ford Probes.  What a lovely heap of junk.  It was my first car and I loved it dearly.  Got in lots of accidents.  However, my car looked much better than this one...probably because I got rid of it 4 years ago.

We stripped the nuts.  Just jack it up!  SO MANY EUPHEMISMS, SO LITTLE TIME.

So we made it a drinking game.  Another reason why I love West Phill-ay.

Later in the week, I soberly travelled home to witness my brother's graduation.  We were at the dinner table celebrating our family's 3 birthdays, 2 graduations, and Fathers' Day all at once.  Lots of opening of gifts.  My mother yelled at my little brother about leaving the price stickers on my older bro's present.  Then proceeded to hand out these gifts to her three children.

Note the present price sticker.  She frantically started ripping the gifts out of our hands to peel the stickers off, only for my smartass lil brother to point out the price was in Australian dollars, not USD.  (The reason the picture was so blurry was because I was fighting my 62 year-old mother off of me, after she knew the sticker was not in USD.  That's how opposed she is to price tags on gifts.)

Needless to say, it was one of those bust-a-gut times when you're not supposed to laugh, but you just have too.

Being in Central PA is kind of relaxing.  I forgot how much I missed having a car and blasting music.  And how much I love buying fresh food from the Amish.

Oh, and how much I love the cheap drugs stuff.

I hope you looked carefully at that picture.
If you didn't laugh, you didn't look carefully enough.

My time in Central PA comes to a premature end as we are all traveling back to Philly for my graduation Saturday.  So, until then, here is the token photograph of Nelly.  Playing/eating a piece of paper.  Not just once, she was going at it ALL WEEK LONG (twss?)!

I think it's safe to say she will never graduate from school.  But here is photographic evidence that the cat can eat my homework.

FIN.

It's Summertime & The Living's Easy

Things I couldn’t flesh out into full entries:

The internet is ending.  No, seriously.  It is.  CNN said so.  In other news, the supply of fresh seawater and fresh oil is almost depleted.  They will now be mixed.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yoko Ono is usually blamed for the end of the Beatles.  My roommate Liz informs me that Yoko Ono did NOT make the Beatles break up because blah, blah, blah (sorry Liz, I didn’t pay attention, I was focusing on sangria).  However, had the Beatles not broken up when they did, they might be look back upon like the Backstreet Boys – some catchy songs but should’ve ended it while it was good.  Oh, wait. What did the Backstreet Boys sing again?

Since when did interviews get so intense?  I had to take a test.  It was like the third grader version of the GMATs but still!  At least it went fairly well, here’s to hoping!

Work has been super slow lately.  All the Penn kids have left and I am stuck with making $85 on a weeknight (excluding Friday) instead of $150.  I was extremely bored the entire time.  At least I got to watch the Flyers game Monday.  Oh, and write an Art History paper.   Oh, and play 14 rounds of hangman.  Oh, and eat a million and one donuts. 

Anyway….I didn’t bring a book to work Monday because I didn’t know who was managing and whether or not I would get in trouble.  I will not be making that mistake tonight though.  While I was buying my cap and gown ($100 by the way, WTF) I found “Waiter Rant” in the bargain bin.  HECK. YES.  So excited to read it.

And last but not least, let me add that this is my last week of undergraduate classes.  I’m rather torn up about it, as I usually am when leaving something so familiar.  Every year, my birthday falls during finals week.  Normally, I just celebrate and don’t study.  This year however, college has given me its first gift.

ALL of my finals fall directly on my birthday.  But, because I’m a graduating senior, I don’t have to take any of them. 

Dear University,

Thanks for removing the shaft as a final farewell & happy birthday gift by exempting graduating seniors from finals which all fall directly on my birthday.

Here's a check for $8,000 for my first term of grad school tuition.

xoxo,
Andrea

Beach this weekend??