PIctures Are Sometimes More Eloquent

Here's a shocker - I've been to a lot of bars lately.  Some marketing guru somewhere thought it would be a great idea to put advertisements in the bathroom.  I mean, what else are people gonna try to read while they are in there?  Not many people take comic books or regular books into a pub's restroom with them - that just downright says "I'm an alcoholic who can't leave the bar long enough to take a dump at home."

Luckily, I always take my phone.  One of the few reasons I would like a smartphone (specifically an iPhone) is so that I can do "check ins" on foursquare.

Because I want a free taco at a bar that charges 75 cents for a Miller High Life.
Classy. Lady. Right. Here.

This is in the bathroom at a local favorite bar of mine, Local 44.  I'm not sure why I took a picture of it or what it says.  But it was funny at the time.  Maybe just because it was in the bathroom.  Next time I go I will take a better picture.  It's a one room bathroom so it's not like I should've been rushing to get the picture in for fear that someone would see me and think I was strange.  [Like that doesn't happen all the time anyway].

Here are the two token pictures of my trip to AC.  Don't ask about the first one.  I must've been the same level of drunk for the last picture and this next one.  Same night.  No judgies.

Ya know how it goes.

Yea, we were there for the sunrise.  All of my friends said "ahh, how romantic."  I told them to shut the hell up, it was about as romantic as me trying not to toss my cookies at brunch.  It could've been.  I'm just a little dense.

The next picture is a throwback from June.  My friend saw it on Facebook and was like "will you take pictures at my wedding?  I love the filter on your camera."

Little did she know the recipe for that filter is a $25 Kodak digital camera and a bottle of carpet cleaner leaked in a purse and shaken around.

At least that could be my wedding gift to her.  Much like these chairs were a housewarming gift to me from my parents.  Four chairs, $16 bucks, and dragging them around a thrift store, up the street, to the Ford Focus later....

...we're going to have to chain them up in our backyard.  Our neighborhood has not gotten any safer.  Two shootings and a cop stabbing later, this is a regular day in our 'hood.

At least Nelly is still alive.  And as cute as ever.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

While at my brother's graduation, I got a little distracted.  Obviously...those ceremonies are long.  So I did something I haven't done in a long time...cloud watched!

While I didn't take a picture of the elephant cloud, I did take a picture of the balloons they released.

I also took a picture of the chipmunk that was mounted on the football field's goal post.  Seriously? WTF?

Later that week when we stopped to see my 90 year old grandma, we were greeted by the ugliest cat ever carrying around a chipmunk/squirrel thing like above.

My Grandma may be a little unsteady on her feet and suffer from dementia, but she has this uncanny knack for plants.  This uncanny knack brings an almost scary talent where she can simply look down, bend over, and pick up a four leaf clover.  No lie.

She couldn't see the graduation pictures on my 13 in MacBook, but she totally just spotted the 4 leaf clover.  

I did a lot of traveling during vacation.  My friend Dave drives a mini-van.  I'd like to make fun of it, but it's awesome.  However, it has the biggest hole in the rear wheel well I've ever noticed.

At my friend's graduation party, I was a tad bit nervous because I was getting drunk and her parents were present.  However, after her mother unveiled the extremely beautiful graduation cake and then proceeded to swipe a corner of it on a chair, so I stopped being nervous.

During the party Pogo and I went to go pick up some supplies.  We encountered two interesting things on the way.

Soymilk juice box like thing? Yes, please.

Who wouldn't go to a convenience store that had a sign that said "you are beautiful" and took Visa and Mastercard?  

Later in my vacation week, Liz and I went to Rittenhouse park.  We got coffee (I loved the napkins) and stared up at the sky.

I've been told I have a doppleganger in the city; someone people mistake as me and then later are like "WHY DID YOU IGNORE ME ON THE STREET" while I explain I was at work all day.  Even my best friends do this.

I've also seen my bicycle doppleganger and have been very happy that my bike is cooler (yes, I'm vain like that).  I've always wanted to stop and take a picture and I finally got the chance at the train station when I parked my bike super close to Clementine's doppleganger.  

(It's the orange one.  Clementine.  Get it?)

After vacation it is back to the grind of work.  Luckily, when my manager inevitably makes me cry I can go into the bathroom's second stall and look at some great graffiti.

Oh, the truth that lines the bathroom walls.

(Thanks Loretta).

Graphic Novella Time

Because I could not possibly relate to you in words what I am feeling right now...PICTURES!

I took a week off of work because I was too burnt out to continue without punching a lot of customers in the face, screaming "EFF YOU, I'M HUMAN TOO, AND I QUIT" and walking out.  After ordering a bunch of unwanted food for every single table in the restaurant.

Enuff said.

So I drowned my sorrows in shopping.  In the process I watched my lovely roommie Liz wrestle with a size 2 mannequin.

And then hosted a weekend of debauchery with my good friend David.  We had shots.  Lots and lots of shots. 

(HAPPY BIRTHDAY POGSTER!)

The next day, I got a call about an old car who had a flat.  Ah, Ford Probes.  What a lovely heap of junk.  It was my first car and I loved it dearly.  Got in lots of accidents.  However, my car looked much better than this one...probably because I got rid of it 4 years ago.

We stripped the nuts.  Just jack it up!  SO MANY EUPHEMISMS, SO LITTLE TIME.

So we made it a drinking game.  Another reason why I love West Phill-ay.

Later in the week, I soberly travelled home to witness my brother's graduation.  We were at the dinner table celebrating our family's 3 birthdays, 2 graduations, and Fathers' Day all at once.  Lots of opening of gifts.  My mother yelled at my little brother about leaving the price stickers on my older bro's present.  Then proceeded to hand out these gifts to her three children.

Note the present price sticker.  She frantically started ripping the gifts out of our hands to peel the stickers off, only for my smartass lil brother to point out the price was in Australian dollars, not USD.  (The reason the picture was so blurry was because I was fighting my 62 year-old mother off of me, after she knew the sticker was not in USD.  That's how opposed she is to price tags on gifts.)

Needless to say, it was one of those bust-a-gut times when you're not supposed to laugh, but you just have too.

Being in Central PA is kind of relaxing.  I forgot how much I missed having a car and blasting music.  And how much I love buying fresh food from the Amish.

Oh, and how much I love the cheap drugs stuff.

I hope you looked carefully at that picture.
If you didn't laugh, you didn't look carefully enough.

My time in Central PA comes to a premature end as we are all traveling back to Philly for my graduation Saturday.  So, until then, here is the token photograph of Nelly.  Playing/eating a piece of paper.  Not just once, she was going at it ALL WEEK LONG (twss?)!

I think it's safe to say she will never graduate from school.  But here is photographic evidence that the cat can eat my homework.

FIN.

Graphic Novella Ahora

Despite sitting through a three hour interview today and drinking entirely too much sangria, I bring you the second graphic novella.  Everyone I know is miserable right now.  It's the end of a college term with more classes to come.  Doesn't that just put a damper on everyone's mood?  It's SUMMER.  But it's so hot.  I changed outfits 4 times today.  And I'm still sweaty.  Sitting in my air conditioned room.  Because it's that muggy.  Thank you Philadelphia.

Everyone is miserable because we haven't figured our lives out yet, we feel stuck in an unfulfilling  life with futures that are neither what we expected or dreamed.  Will we ever be happy?

I'd be a lot happier if I didn't have to see this butt-crack at work before my 12 hour shift started.

Dude was just randomly on the phone outside my job, in the Grotto, which is where we all hang out and drink, do drugs, make phone calls and sit before our shift starts.  He moved immediately after I took the picture which caused my co-workers to say "did you get it?!" and being the creeper I am, of course I did!   God forbid anyone buys me a camera that does well with "action" shots.

Honestly, all I've done the past few days has been a lot of work and a lot of drinking.  Being completely unmotivated to finish my last few assignments, I've been making bad decisions.  Like...

Scooters is an absolutely legitimate bar.  I mean, c'mon, look at the wood paneling outside.  And "Ladies Night" $3 appletinis?  Absolutely high quality.  We only charge $2.25 for Ice Tea at my corporate joint after all, $3 probably buys Rohypnol too!  And I don't know who that Jay Rider is, but he probably doesn't expect a lot of ass at the end of the night or anything....

Let's just say, every "Ladies Night" I've gone to has ended in a puddle of puke in front of my stoop.  True. Story.

But I do enjoy drinks like this.

(Strawberry Mojito - Sava's - $4 - DELICIOUS.)

This.

(Long Island in far too large a glass.  Oscar's - Dive Bar - Center City Philly - Do you even have to pay for drinks at Oscars?  Definitely less than $5.)

And this.

Yum beer!  This is my kitchen manager at my general manager's going away party.  It was sad because nobody really liked the guy.  The KM offered to drive me and another co-worker "home".  The KM was in the middle of pointing out the hilarity of telling the lame manager we were leaving to go "home" when "home" meant 3 other bars, I pointed out the fact that he just passed a "Road Closed" sign.

Favorite quote ever:

"Well, I'm not drunk, but I would definitely get a DUI.  So...we're gonna go over the sidewalk instead of going in reverse."

That gets you a disapproval look.

After a night like that (and by that I mean a shot and beer at every stop and a loss of money and dignity) my stomach wants nothing more than greasy Chinese food.  And if it's veg, even better.

Seriously, look at that cabbage bowl.  Delicious.

And as always, we'll end with a Nelly snapshot.  Because my week really wouldn't be complete without her.

Cuteshit.

Have a good hump day!

Picture Story (Graphic Novella?)

I always take a lot of pictures with my phone and mean to post pictures.  But I never do.  However, tonight I finally uploaded the 139 camera pictures I had.  So get ready for a very random and telling graphic novella of my life.

My biffle went to a tattoo convention and all she got me was this pretty bag!  And a great magazine to read!  Aren't the birds awesome.  Also, the bow can be removed depending on how girly I feel at the moment.  For instance, if I'm going out to pick up guys - bow on!  If I'm going to kick some ass, bow off!

Speaking of bags.  I did NOT get this at the thrift store last Saturday.  Mostly because I have no plants to water.  Also because there's no removable bow.  Fail.

Speaking of thrifting, a penny saved is a penny earned.  Have you seen the new pennies?  Come on government.  You couldn't come up with anything better than a superhero looking emblem.

Somehow that was better than some memorial to some president.  Okay, Abe Lincoln.  You know, the reason there's now someone who isn't white in office now (yay diversity!!!).  You, you government paid "designers,"  are as dumb as this mouse.  Who I stomped around and poked with a stick.  He didn't think I could do any harm to him.  In fact, he acted like a cat and just sniffed around and groomed himself.  Oh, to feel invincible.

No, there's no zoom on my camera phone.  Maybe there is.  But I don't know how to use it.  Heck, I can't even handle calling people sometimes.  However, I can handle creeping.  Like this girl, who I took a picture of at the bank.  She didn't notice when my phone made the "click, I just took a picture" sound on the highest volume.  But everyone behind me did.

I mean, she just looked ridiculous.  I HAD to document it.  Yes, I may or may not have a problem.  I admit nothing.  I also had to document my first pet, Tina, and her adorableness.  It's hard to bear the thought, but she will probably die soon.  I've had her since 5th grade.  How freakin' cute is she??

Oh man, my heart hurts just thinking about it.

And now for the stellar ending (and don't worry, this is the last of the graphic novella...for now...) I bought this lovely skirt today at Ann Taylor Loft (ATL) where my roomie works.  Isn't it cute?

FIN.