Funny how things change.

I got a new job!  I wake up every morning surprised that I don't hate my life.  My friend and I got out of the hell-hole at the same time.  It was kind of like we were in a large warehouse, running away from people with guns.  The warehouse doors were closing and we just barely made it under the ever-lowering escape door right before imminent slavery and death.

Dramatic, I know.  But it is still kind of like that.

Now I'm bored.  I was just talking to a friend yesterday - it's like, you get out of school, you have all this debt and no money.  You used to just go get drunk with friends all the time, but now everyone's spread out, you're lazy and broke.  You have a significant other at home that you kind of really like hanging out with.  So you sit at home, watch TV, clean and then lament about how you're bored.

I picked up crocheting.  Again.  For the thousandth time.  Since my commute has grown from 8 minutes to 68 minutes, I'm actually 1/3 of the way through a scarf.  But then what?!

I've been watching Community lately.  I just got yesterday how they are a little community, and how important it is.  Now, we're all glued to our phones and laptops and tablets and TVs, very rarely having face-to-face conversations or hang-out sessions.  I don't like it, yet I cancelled my Twitter account the other day then immediately opened it again.  Haven't posted in almost a year - I'm just worried about losing my username.

Seriously.

So anyway - if you're a friend, please come hang out with me.  We can crochet and drink tea together, because I have yarn and tea and water.  I also have coffee - but no cream.

Dreaming About Things

I throw on my green Great Lakes Brewery t-shirt and start pulling on my sneakers.  My boo comes down the hallway, takes one glance at me and groans.  "You can't wear that shirt to the gym!  It promotes beer drinking."  Quizzically, I look at him, "but I wear this shirt to workout in all the time."  "NO!  You can't - think of beer bellies running on treadmills.  Not good.  I can't go with you if you wear that shirt."

Suddenly, our conversation is interrupted.  My mom is pulling up our driveway while having a conversation with my dad and brother who are playing basketball on the asphalt front of her.  Their conversation halts as something shrieks.  My brother's mouth drops open, my dad points and screams "THE DOG, YOU'RE RUNNING OVER THE DOG."  My mom backs up, as I run outside and cradle the dogs bloody head, knowing that death is imminent.

That is just a mild dream.  Most of my dreams are worse than that - more violent and thriller-esque.  My boo is convinced I have a sleep disorder.  In leui of going to a sleep study, where I am convinced that I will be diagnosed with sleep apnea and have to wear a mask for the rest of my life, I'm doing my own research.  Calling all doctors! (S - I mean you)

Can dreaming really be a sleep disorder?  I have read that acting out your dreams is called REM Sleep Behavior Disorder.  I don't act out my dreams, although sometimes I do move around a lot.  Dreams happen during REM sleep, so my argument is that I just get a lot of REM sleep throughout the night, which probably means my sleep health is okay and I don't have sleep apnea.  (If you couldn't tell, I'm obsessed with not have sleep apnea - my mom wears a mask and I'm just too young for that.)

I remember having about 2 dreams per night.  That's probably a lot?  My argument is that I only remember the bad dreams.  In life, people generally remember the bad things more vividly and often than the good stuff.  It's our biological way to ensure that we always remember the bad stuff so we know to avoid it so we can live.  In my dreams, I've run away from killers and rapists, escaped bombs and nuclear attacks, and tried to solve serial murders that I had to solve before I inevitably became the victim. I think my conscience is just training me for the zombie apocalypse.

Boo is concerned because he thinks the bad stuff I dream and the rate at which I remember it is bad.  Do I need help?  Or should I learn to lucid dream so I can turn the bad dreams into good dreams?

Are You Ready Yet?

This morning a kid from high school popped up in my newsfeed with a status update about a fetus.

Neil was always the kid in the back of the band room, getting in trouble for goofing off during rehearsal.  He was nerdy and smart, but silly.  His feet seemed too big and he would go from joking around to super serious in 2.3 seconds.  He was just a goofy kid.  I never thought that six years after graduating from high school, Neil would be updating the world about his unborn child that his wife is carrying.

A couple of nights ago, I had a conversation with my boo about buying a house.  He really wants to - with or without me - that has been his goal since college.  But I'm not ready to buy a house and he knows this.  So I will support and help him, but will have to get rid of my preconceived notions about what life is supposed to look like.  This conversation led to the talk of marriage and how I want to be ready, but am not.

(See how this conversation about him turned into a conversation about me?  I HAVE to stop doing that!)

I think this is part of what makes being in your mid-twenties so hard.  When you're growing up, you go to school, elementary, middle, then high school.  Then, you go to college - most of your friends do too. Everyone is in the same phase in life.  Then after college, you get a job or go to grad school.  Then what?  People start getting married and popping out kids.  That's what you're supposed to do, right?

It's worse with social media, because everyday you look at Facebook, you see these pictures of weddings and houses and babies.  It may just be the minority, but it's constantly there.  It makes me wonder if I should be doing these things, if I am behind somehow in the game of life.

I am 24 years old.  I am not behind.  I am doing just fine.  I am happy.  Enjoy the happy.  I have to keep reminding myself of this.  Truth be told, I am not ready for kids.  Marriage, well, I'll probably be ready sooner rather than later.  I think I need to get through being 25 first.  Grow up just a little more, see how I continue to change with the times.

Because when I think of Neil, and the years he will miss out on being young and without children, I get a little sad for him.  I'm excited he's having a baby if that's what he wants, but I just imagine him without any sleep, so tired of changing diapers and cleaning up spit up that he wonders what the hell he's doing with his life.  No more vacations to wherever without worrying about kids and diapers and food and the extra fare.  No more random drunken nights with friends being out until after 11.  Can't just take a kid into a theatre to watch the new Paranormal Activity or Batman.  No more just taking care of yourself and your significant other.  No more carefree times.

I am 24 years old.  I am not behind.  I am doing just fine.  I am happy.  Enjoy the happy.

Sweet Sunday Afternoons

My laundry is done, the apartment is clean(er), and my lunch and breakfast are cooked for the week.  Sunday nights would be the best nights, if only it didn't mean that Monday morning inevitably starts the next day.

I just read this article about having a day of rest; the Sabbath literally means "rest" or "cease".  The article argued that doctors should not only ask patients if they smoke, exercise, or eat cheesesteaks for dinner every night, but also ask people how much they are working and how much they rest.  In today's society, it's important to ask these questions because stress can lead to all kinds of bad things.  When we have cell phones and social networks and jobs that never rest, we never get a break from everything.  Makes sense.

There's just so much to do and try!

Today I did three brand new things, which is quite a lot for a usually restful day.  This morning, I swallowed my fears surrounding touching people, and went to JuJitsu class.  I wasn't very good and there was a lot of touching and being close to people.  Pondering whether or not to return on my bus ride home, I realized I would probably go back for the sheer learning of a new thing.  I also realized I would probably be mad at myself for the first few classes for choosing to do such an uncomfortable thing.

Second brand new thing:  juicing.  My wonderful boyfriend got my a Breville juicer for Christmas and I hadn't taken it out of the box until today.  It seemed like a lot of work to clean and figure it out.  And I was scared of messing it up.  Seems silly, right?  One apple, carrot, kale and broccoli juice later, I'm so happy I tried it!  I just wish juice stayed fresher for longer.

Have you ever tried baked hard "boiled" eggs?  Well I will tomorrow, because for the first time, I made them tonight.  It's the minor things, people.

My whole being active and healthy thing has been going really well for these past two weeks, but next Sunday, I am taking a break and resting.  I cannot face another Monday being this tired.

It's the little things

In my opinion, it's the little things that you have to recognize, admire, and do to keep going in this life where so much around us goes terribly.  

My resolutions for January - no alcohol and lots of gym visits - has been going very well.  Except for the whole early morning gym thing.  I only went once.  Evenings work much better; I can skip happy hour and go to the gym instead.  

With everything going on in life, it's so easy to get discouraged and make excuses to not do whatever your resolution is.  Whether it be reading more, working out, volunteering, or just being more positive.  We've got to start being nicer to ourselves, stop beating ourselves up.  Take a breath and notice the little things, give ourselves credit where credit is due.

Today at boxing, I noticed one of those little things.  I can do burpees so much better than before!  Burpees are this evil, tortured exercise - you start standing up, you put your hands on the floor, throw your feet out so you are in push up position, then jump your feet back to your hands, and jump up into a standing position.

When I first started working out, I couldn't do two of these in a row without dying.  Today, the 3 minutes (not consecutively) of burpees, didn't exhaust me nearly as much as they used to.  In fact, they were almost easy!  Not too easy, but not like swimming through cement.  See - it's the small things.

My weight doesn't go down that much week to week, but it's these little things I notice, like burpees becoming easier, push-ups getting stronger, runs getting faster, that keep me going to the gym.  It's okay to take pride in the small things, no matter how silly they seem! 

And that goes for everything - not just fitness goals.

New York Eve

That last post was terrible.  For some reason, I needed to have my 250th post on New Year's Day.  I was hungover and not feeling terribly "share-y" or reflective.  I didn't even feel the need to talk about how I spent NYE in Brooklyn and Manhattan!

My friend lives in Brooklyn in old, comfy, and roomy apartment   She shares the space with two other people; the roommate I met is middle-aged, of the crazy cat lady persuasion.  At 2 a.m., she came out of her room saying "don't worry you didn't wake me up, but I just want to see if I can get you guys anything."  She proceeded to hang out and talk to us for about 20 minutes, trying to make us food and telling us stories.  We were all just so tired and drunk, bed was the only thing on our minds.

To be fair, the crazy cat lady didn't come out at 2 a.m. saying "you damn kids making all that racket, how dare you!"

Before all that, we arrived in Brooklyn around 4 p.m. and had to come up with a plan.  My thoughts of spending NYE in any of the five boroughs has always been super crowded, really expensive, and not that fun.  Planning our night that afternoon seemed like it was going to fulfill what I was imagining.  Everyplace was sold out of tickets, or not letting people in until 11 p.m.  Not only were we looking for plans of our little group of 5, other people would be meeting us later.  Extra pressure!

We ended up with two options:  an 80s themed bar in Brooklyn, really close to the apartment, or meeting some different friends in Lower Manhattan who already had seats at the bar.

For many reasons, we ended up taking the G & C to Manhattan.

When we first walked into Ulysses, I had my doubts.  It was crowded and we ended up standing in a "hallway" type area which was only wide enough for one person, so when people tried to walk by, there was a lot of up-close-and-personal touching.  But, we had a great bartender, and in the first 15 minutes I had a beer and three shots.  After that, I really started having fun!

Everyone was really nice and friends paid for a lot of our drinks.  I couldn't believe it when we were already counting down the time!  After the clock switched to midnight, everyone sang along to Frank Sinatra's "New York New York".  Honestly, it was the best New Years I've had in awhile.

Let me say this:  I was wrong.  I do not know everything.  I am only 24 years old and not all of my preconceived notions are even close to being reality.  A good lesson to keep in mind for 2013.

Writing by Hand

I've been putting off writing this card for awhile now.  It's sitting on my coffee table; a response needs to be written to my old friend turned penpal.  I love writing to her, and getting responses.  How awesome is it when you get a handwritten card?

Problem is, when was the last time you hand wrote anything?

Do you know, they don't even really teach it in school anymore?  I read this interesting article about what learning handwriting means for children, and why it matters that its missing now from school.  Now, I've heard a lot about this subject and pretended to be able to argue why it matters.  Most of it is logical, you can't write, it's harder to read, it's harder to keep up in school.  English and grammer and proper form gets lost.  Doctors scripts are illegible...

But did you know?  It helps develop linear thinking!  And a bunch of other things (read the article for more details - I refuse to rehash it here)!

In school, did you ever notice how the cheerleaders all had that same way of writing?  And you could tell a boy's handwriting write off the bat?  It seemed there were a few different styles and you could match the person to the script immediately.  Funny how self expression comes out in writing, is it not?

I'm terrified for the future.  What are these kids learning?  How homogenous will our culture become?  If our technology suddenly fails, who will have the skills to survive?  What if future generations can't express themselves?

I'm well aware I'm crazy.  But it's something to think about.  And discuss.  And maybe do something about.

Bueller.    Bueller.       Bueller.      


Bueller.......

(Grand) Parents

I'm posting this from work.  But to be fair it's 6 p.m. and I'm supposed to go home at 5 p.m.  I'm just waiting for this thing.  This project thing.  It's like in college when you are the one putting together the final submission and one person in your group waits until the last minute.  Yea, that happens in real life too.  Only it's not their fault.  So I'm not mad.  I'm just hungry.

And really looking forward to Thanksgiving.

Guys, I have a niece.  I've been allergic to babies since I could have one, but this little bugger stole my heart. She's so freakin' cute and adorable.  All I want to do for those 4 days is hug her.  Although I'm pretty sure my mom will not let that happen.  She's obsessed.  It's the first grandchild - it's so weird to think of your mom as a grandma.  It's actually blowing my mind a little.  Every time I think about my parents being grandparents it makes me sad.

Sad for reasons I'm not going into right now because one of my bff's is coming in from New York today and we get to hang out for a few hours and I'm not ruining by being depress-y about my parents getting old!!!

But seriously, what is with all of this life change?

I called my mom on Saturday because I was having a lot of stomach issues.  In tears, I just wanted her help and advice.  When I was a teenager, I did not want anything to do with her advice and help.  Can you even imagine a world where you don't have your parents to bounce stuff off of?  I know some people don't, but for those of us that do, be extra grateful and make sure they know it at Thanksgiving.  Because let's face it, your mid-twenties suck and your parents have already done it.  They know more than we ever thought.

WEIRD HOW THAT TURNED OUT, EH?

What happens before 7:30

I'm not a morning person.  Ask my long time roommate who knows not to speak to me in the morning and who, if he hears a "hmmphrmp" come out of my mouth, knows that means "good morning, hope you have a wonderful day, I'm going to drink my coffee now and continue ignoring any living breathing thing except for this damn cat that expects me to feed it and won't stop meowing or touching me until it has food in its bowl."

Yes, I am THAT good of a communicator.  A whole sentence in one non-vowel-ed word.

Today, I had the pleasure of waking up before 7 a.m. so that I could walk to the trolley, get home, dress, pack lunch and coffee, and get to work.  Oddly, I didn't mind the early hour so much.  I believe it was because the city was still asleep.  The only people out were food industry workers slowly opening up coffee shops, or the very few early morning dog walkers.  No morons.  No kids.  No homeless people asking me for change, or idiots asking for directions.  No tourists crossing the streets at the wrong time.  No horns blaring at the terrible city drivers.  No PPA people yelling or getting yelled at.  No music blaring or sirens screaming.

Just me, my music, and relative silence.

And my thoughts.

Which were scarce.  But one completely relevant.  When I was little, I used to wish that I was a boy.  No period, no icky emotions, no dresses, no doubts about sporting abilities, no awkward "you have to wear a bra now" talk and shopping trip...  But now, I'm glad to be a woman, I mean, we are clearly superior.  Right?!

Except that one thing.  Why can men fall back asleep so quickly!?!  Today I woke up at 6:00 am freaking out about where my phone was because I clearly hadn't heard my alarm go off yet.  The bf woke up, goes "are you okay" and immediately falls back asleep when it's clear I'm okay, just being nuts.  And I lay awake for the next hour, barely dosing off.  My mind is running in a million different directions, a main one being "wtf I am so pissed off that I'm awake right now". 

And again when my alarm actually goes off.  Bf just rolls over, keeps sleeping.  After I say goodbye, I wasn't concerned at all that he was lying awake because his stupid girlfriend just woke him the hell up.  Nope, out like a light I'm sure for the next hour.  (Which makes me happy, really.  Just b/c I have to get up early doesn't mean someone else shouldn't be allowed to sleep.)

And this isn't the first man I've known able to do this.  Constantly amazes me.  I wish I could bottle up that ability to just snooze and sell it.  I'd be a millionaire.

And as I proceeded down the trolley steps, SEPTA interrupted my thoughts and ruined the quiet pleasant morning.  But then again, SEPTA pretty much ruins everything.

Weekend Paradox

On Sunday morning I came home and realized that I had only just said goodbye to my dear old med-school friend the day before.  But it seemed like it had been a few days ago.  However, now it is already Monday and I'm trying to find the perfect poop time at work. 

How does the weekend always do that?  Seem so long, but yet so short?

I mean, come on.  Friday was great and then it was Saturday.  My mind got that one day transition.  Then on Sunday, I ended up ruminating how it was just yesterday that I said goodbye to my dear old friend AND took boxing lessons.  But it seems like eons ago.  At least a few days went by in-between Saturday and Sunday, right?!

But it is already Monday; and what a Monday indeed.  I came in early to proctor an exam.  Apparently these students, who all must have a bachelor’s degree before coming into this program, have “never taken a test that isn’t multiple choice”.  Excuse me.  No, I am not joking that this is a short answer exam.  No, I have no idea how long each answer should be because I have no idea what you are studying.  And no, I don’t think she’ll mind if you draw charts to help solidify your answers.  Yes, if the professor can’t read it, it will be wrong.  Now, my question to you, “what the hell is wrong with you people?”  I would have failed them all immediately for not being able to take a short answer test.

Alas, their grade is not up to me (probably good for them considering they were the reason I was awake before 7 am).  So Monday continues and hopefully this week will be full of good things.  I think it will be.  If my awesome poop timing is any indicator!

[Come on, EVERYONE who has worked knows, you should poop at work because you get paid for it.  And, finding the perfect timing when no one is in the bathroom/sees you when you leave a stinky stall is the best.]

Anyone doing anything fun this week? Got any good links to waste my time?!

Mo' Monies, Mo' Problems

I have so many ideas.

Yesterday as I was walking to work, I thought about commuting and how we should get paid for it.  See, I’m supposed to be at work at 8:30.  Quite frankly, that’s a little bit early for me.  On most days, like today, I spend an extra 10 minutes in bed, an extra 5 minutes in the warm shower, another extra 5 minutes critiquing my dress and changing, and then as I’m rushing to pour the coffee and pack my lunch the clock reads 8:25 and I have to look for my phone.  Which is nowhere to be found.  Because it is already in my bag.

That 20 extra minutes of nothingness eats up the 20 minutes I saved to walk to work.  So as I’m walking, I’m getting paid.  

And shouldn’t I be getting paid?  I mean, I’m either walking or cycling to work.  That’s GREAT for the environment and cuts down on traffic and parking for other city residents/employees.  Wait, shouldn’t everyone be getting paid to commute? I mean, we wouldn’t be using that time up if we didn’t have to get to our job…

Incentives.  We learned about them in B-school.  How are the ways one commutes to work?  Car, train, subway, bus, walk, cycle, sleepwalk…  So, we have driving in vehicles, walking/cycling, or taking public transit.  I’m sure there are other ways, but for simplicities sake, let’s just stick with these three.  

Driving

Let’s say people who drive get paid for gas and a small per mile rate for wear-and-tear and insurance.  HOLD IT.  You say that people would be willing to drive farther for work then, tearing up the environment and causing traffic jams and doing the total opposite of what the program is supposed to achieve?!?!

Just wait until you hear the rest of the idea!

Public Transit

Workers that take public transit get compensated for the fares plus extra money for taking a slightly more “green” route to work.  I didn’t think about how much compensation, but enough to make the car people jealous.  Maybe like $10 a week?

Walkers/Bikers

These people get the most money.  After all, besides crop dusting, they are causing the least amount of harm to the environment and also cutting down on traffic and tied-up parking.  I believe these people should get compensated (by a block = mile) at the same rate they would if they were driving.  Without the cost of driving, they make out the best.

And hence the people who are doing the least harm, both societal and environmental get paid for it.

Oh yes, there are many problems with this plan.  Whose gonna pay for it?  Why are we getting paid to commute?  WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, I HAVE TO DRIVE AND IT’S NOT FAIR, DAMMIT.

It’s a theoretical plan.  Over time, the people that “have to drive” would either move closer or get a new job.  Local hires would be more prevalent, making the tax cuts some companies get for building in certain neighborhoods actually work for the community.  It’s not perfect, but does utopia exist?

On my imaginary private island it does!

[While I “get paid” to commute, I don’t take a lunch, so it makes up for it.  Not a slacker or dishonest worker, promise.]

Books, Books, Books

I decided 3 months ago that I wanted an e-reader.  While I love my 50 cent thrift store reads, it really is a pain in the butt to carry 2 or 3 books around at a time.  (I read fast, don't judge).  Then about 2 months ago, I dismissed the Kindle & Sony readers and decided I would get a Nook.  But, Nooks cost money, so I had to save up.  And make another decision.

So, on Saturday, I finally decided I would purchase a plain old Nook (not the "I-wanna-be-an-iPad" Nook Color) in the next 2 weeks.  And on Sunday my lovely boyfriend gave me a Barnes & Noble bag with a newly purchased Nook, complete with protective over.  Can you say LUCKY DUCK?!

And now I have a problem.  

There are so many decisions to make!!!  

1.)  Do I decorate this cover?!  Especially since it already has a water stain on it from work?!

2.)  Do I buy new cover that I can clean off easily.

3.)  How do I decide what books to buy/read?!?!

I feel like the internet can help me out on this.  There is a website where people share book recommendations?  The people that read my blog have ideas?

Luckily for us poorer folk, there are a lot of free e-books out there.  Even if you don't have a nerdy e-reader, you can find information on how to read stuff (fo' free!) here.

Also - saw Harry Potter yesterday.  Awesome except for the end where cheesy makeup seemed to make the main actors 5 years older instead of 19.

Now that the nerdgasm is over, I have a interesting story about 'the girl that convinced me to get a Nook'.  We always have the weirdest experiences together.

TGTCMTGAN and I ran over to the bar closest to our work at 1:58, hoping we could get one drink in before going home after a long shift.  Fortunately, we are both regulars and good tippers so we got 2 drinks.  Unfortunately, us and one very drunk dude were the only ones left sipping spirits.  Of course the drunkard starts talking to us, interrupting our conversation.  He calls us the boombox girls and tells us in his Boston accent "I'm a southern gentleman from Austin."  I reply in a NE accent "or from Boston." (for more of his inane ramblings follow @alooney on twitter).

He proceeded to tell us about his two divorces, how he'd like to see one of his ex-wives cut up in a trashbag on the side of the highway.  We were still giggling at his incoherent half-sentences when he roared "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU AREN'T MARRIED, YOU HAVE NO LOVE IN YOUR LIFE."

The moments of clarity that alcohol sometimes gives is ironic.

I always say, you'll meet the strangest people in bars after 2 a.m...

Questionable Queues

While sitting in my economics class I realized I was in desperate need of a coffee.  In this business building, there is a Starbucks downstairs which is inevitably hosting a line of at least 10 people.  During our five minute break, I walked downstairs and saw a line of about 45 people.  Why?

I assume these people also were in desperate need of caffeine.  I also assume none of these people had the brains to walk outside for 30 seconds, cross the street, request a large coffee from one of the food trucks, pay a dollar, walk back across the street, and be back inside.  As long as it took me to do that, my classmates had moved up 3 feet in line.  If that.

HAHA. SUCKERS.  You also paid at least 150% of what I did for 75% less coffee.  Me = WINNING!

But seriously?  Why such a long line?  Why wait in such a long line?  I believe I'll file this as further evidence that groups of people are stupid.  I mean, come one.  Groups of people decided paper could beat rock, and clearly that is just not true.  Next time you get in a fight, try throwing wadded up paper balls.  Guarantee you that the person throwing rocks wins.  If they have good aim.  Or any kind of aim.

Drugs, not Hugs

In this day and age, I think recreational drug use is "in" but I'm not entirely sure.  I know a few of my friends go to raves all the time and have awesome experiences, but I also know a few of my friends that say "Raves?  It's not 1998."  No matter what's "cool", people will always being using drugs.

There are like 100 people who are coming down off Oxycontin right now in my West Philly neighborhood because their dealer got caught.  And is charged with like 78,000 counts of murder.  He is gross.  And the addicts are slightly dangerous.

Luckily, they now have a resource that is free and cheap.  Unfortunately, I may die because of it.  You know what I'm talking about.  It's the newest fad.  And I kid you not - bath salts.

Yea, I got those for my mom for Christmas.  I bet she is having a blast right now.  While possibly murdering my father.  [Just kidding!]  "Bath Salts" are the new drug on the market.

Apparently, it is a cheap and legal in around 47 states.  And it produces a killer high.

...Authorities have had "bizarre medical calls" from bath-salt users, including one man who tried to tear apart the back of a patrol car with his teeth and a woman who attacked her mother with a machete...Users report a feeling of euphoria, increased sociability and productivity and often sexual arousal. ... Health officials say the drugs also can produce extreme paranoia, hallucinations and hostility in their users.

... The back-seat biter required seven deputies to subdue him.... 

Bath and Body Works better jump on this new opportunity.  I bet if they add scents, it will become more mainstream.  They could even sell tickets to people for "bath salt" events - who wouldn't pay to watch 50 crabby old women take a bunch of drugs and beat each other up?

My personal opinion:  sounds like alcohol, except more hardcore.  Yes, I think I'll try them.  I heard patrol car seats taste like chikin.

Put that Butt in Gear

I slid right on in to the Philly Auto Show this weekend after a glorious (and cheap) Dim Sum dinner at Dim Sum Garden at 52 N. 11 St. and it was fantastic.  And I got to see lots of beautiful Mustangs.  The bf is quite knowledgable about cars and I learned a few things.  One being that cars don't last for 15 years anymore.  My dad is going to be disappointed that he can't run his next car for 18 years and 400,000 miles...

Me:  What makes the "exotic" cars "exotic."
Bf:  They cost over $300,000
Me:  Ooooooohhhhhhhh.

So what's the way to judge a car anyway?  Performance?  Gas milage?  Paint color?  Size?  Maybe, but what about the butt?

Yerp, that rear-end is what most people see, especially if you drive fast, so it has to represent!  You may think I'm crazy, but cars have the same butts people do.  There's the soccer-mom-who-does-pilates on some mini-vans.  Sports cars?  Most have solid athletic looking rear-ends.  Lincolns and old Buicks, now there's a granny ass if I've ever seen one.  What about those cars whose rear ends are almost dragging on the ground?  Yea, those people who need to put a belt on or buy a pair of jeans that fits.

Interesting side-note:  I read somewhere that the baggy jeans round your thighs instead of your waist (or even hips) trend was started in a LA ghetto.  Like most places where money is tight, hand-me-downs are common.  Boys would start wearing their older brother's jeans before they fit.  The bigger the pants, the bigger your older brother.

Makes a lot of sense right?

City of Brotherly Love

Two articles relevant to Philadelphians today...

One is about the backpack that was set on fire today on one of the SEPTA subway trains.

Contrary to reports on Twitter, there were no explosions and no injuries were reported.

Don't worry guys, Twitter is not a certified news source.  News to me.  Although it was correct when people said the Broad Street line (one of the two in Philadelphia) wasn't running for hours.  And that SEPTA didn't provide an alternative way to get to your end destination.  Problem solving isn't SEPTA's strong suite.  Neither is marketing or running on time.

JK.  We're actually not.

Besides the startling lack of continuity in public transportation, the City of Brotherly Love has been taking cues from Cain and Able.  When I saw this following picture, I chuckled.

Why?  Because the legend includes "Homicides since Friday."  It is Tuesday.  That is scary, and my sense of humor is morbid.  (Disclaimer:  none of these murders happened anywhere near where I live or frequent.  Otherwise, not so funny.)

Oddly enough, I need to decide whether to continue to live here or go elsewhere.  I make fun of Philly a lot, but there are things I really enjoy like concerts with friends.  Eating and drinking like a hipster on the cheap.  Being close to DC and NYC and my family.  Playing Angry Birds (Surgeon General Warning:  Smashing Pigs is Really Addictive but can also score you free beer) with the local bartender while getting wasteyface.  And, you know, etc.

And having a stoop.

What's that in your water?

I'll say it once, I'll say it again:  Don't mess with the people that are serving you food or drinks.

Luckily for the normal consumer, tips come at the end of a meal, so it motivates the servers to be nice to you and work for it.  Because if they knew how much you'd tip, the service would be closely correlated.  However, I've come up with a scheme that levels the playing field.  It's called eye drops.

If someone starts being an a-hole, they are going to get eye drops in whatever they are drinking.  I might not know how much they'll tip me, but I will know that they will spend a very satisfying hour on the toilet pooping out massive amounts of douche.

And then, as time goes on, they'll realize it's the "restaurant" making them sick.  And they won't ever come back.  Then all the people who make my life hell on earth everyday will not come back.  Just like that, a better work environment.

List of things that make you a jerk:
"Can you just bring us a round of waters."
"I'm allergic to peppers." (at a mexican place, really?!)
"I want a Long Island, and can you make it strong?"
"We'll just have the check, and we're all separate, so we'll take separate checks."
"Can you read the menu to me?  I forgot my glasses."
"My fries taste different than her fries."
"I hate this margarita, it's so bitter."
"You did such a wonderful job serving us." (tips less than 10%)
"HEY YOU! Yea, I want wings, how much they cost?"
"We don't want to sit here, we want to sit right there."
"Oh, I ordered food at the bar already, just tell them to bring it to me here."
"Can I have a hot tea?"
Every time a server walks up to your table you ask for one thing, when they come back you ask for one more thing, rinse and repeat.
Eating half your food, deciding you don't like it.

And the list goes on.  For all of those people above, you get eye dropped water and/or alcohol.  Sorry about your luck, but you should always know, don't mess with the people who can mess with your food.

The Weather Outside is Frightful

Last night, I decided to go to the gym to keep up with my goal of losing 50 lbs.  On the way back I literally got a brain freeze from the incessant sleet.  Later, I had to leave the house again and on the way back sludge through about a foot of snow.  This is what my stoop looked like:

At least snow is pretty!  And today most people got a 2 hour delay, which is nice.  Most people in other cities are calling us Philadelphians wimps right now.  The truth of the matter is, their just jealous that their wimpy city doesn't shut down after more than 6 inches of snow.  Oh, and we're so broke we can't plow or salt very often!  Win-win for us taxpayers.

Today, I have lots to ponder.  Like why on earth Will Ferrell would be coming on the "Office".  I'm really glad TV shows can recruit talent, but the poor "Office" is going to be super weird and awkward in the last 8 episodes which sucks for the show's history.  I may not like the "Office" but I do like TV and I hate Will Ferrell.

I also get to ponder how on earth Lady Gaga's song Telephone is a children's book.  Yes, yes it is.  No, no I kid you not, even I am not that creative/funny.  I think kids of the next few generations will have a very skewed handle of the English language.  And of nutrition and weight control.

Oh, and now for Finance homework and maybe studying for an exam I may or may not have in 4 hours.  Now that's something to ponder!

Dazed and Confused and Surprised...

Some things never cease to amaze me.  Here's a smattering.

What is with number games that always turn out?  Someone posted the following on the Facebook yesterday.

This year we will experience 4 unusual dates.... 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 .... NOW go figure this out.... take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you WILL BE this year and it WILL EQUAL TO 111...Crazy!

And golly gee, it worked out for me.  HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?!  Does it work for everyone?  Does it work every year?!  Like next year, can you do it and everything will equal 112?  I'm usually considered somewhat "intelligent" but this kind of scenario has always escaped me. 

As the behavior of some parents has.  Parents are crazy and they are always "right".  Even when they want you to wear color coordinated clothes for family photos.  Which automatically makes awkward family photos.  Like these real life photos from my sister-in-law's family.

Not awkward enough yet?  Try the "siblings" picture.

Now, to be clear I love some of the people in these photos dearly.  But, if I had been forced to pose for photos like these, I would expect people to also make fun of me.  (I had a slight moral dilemma and the guilt will last til tomorrow, but come one.  I live to make people laugh.  You're welcome.)

Other things that escape me:  $9 well drinks, people who can't find the "silent" button on their cell phones even after they've disturbed a lecture or something already, gross pizza, gross mac&cheese, people who would rather have 9 kids than purchase a box of condoms, and various other things.

But more on that later.

2011 and so much has happened

I haven't blogged since October.
Yes, I know.
You didn't miss me!

Mostly, I haven't blogged because there's no direction for this space. My roomie Liz has a wonderful blog, Dance to the Radio, dedicated mostly to music, some to fashion.  And she does a wonderful job because that's her jawn.  But what's my jawn?  One of my other friends had a hard time getting me a Christmas gift, just because my interests are super specific, and they usually change with the position of the moon.

And I definitely don't want to talk about my life.  Okay, of course I do, doesn't everyone?  But...  A.) gossip mill.  B.)  dramz.  C.) if none of the above, dull at best.  I could talk about my cat and her idiosyncrasies, but I'm not ready to be labeled as an old cat lady yet.

So, I guess I need suggestions on topics.  Or something.  Direction on what to do here and in my life would be much appreciated.  Especially since I am apparently not a Gemini anymore.

2010 was a year.  I believe that's what 365 consecutive days are called.  I finished college, started grad school, went further in debt, moved, was single, then was not, went to Florida, celebrated holidays and birthdays, and generally trudged through the year.

Okay, that was a really bad reflection.

For now, let me share some goals for 2011, I'm done with 2010.  That is ancient history.
1.  Find a "real" job.
Finding a real job requires effort and showers.  Don't know if I'm up for it yet.  I keep applying and taking personality tests and aptitude tests.  But the going is slow.  Especially since I lack direction on a career and a location.  Sense a theme?

2.  Lose 30 lbs by the end of May, 50 by September.
People hate this.  They think it is unhealthy and whatnot.  Some people don't want to hear about it at all. Like my life isn't supposed to be like The Biggest Loser. REAL people don't weigh that much.  Anyway, I don't hate this goal yet, but talk to me in a week when my legs don't work anymore and all I want is a hot, steaming bowl of delicious macaroni and cheese with a side of black forest cake loaded with vanilla ice cream.  If my arms aren't so sore that I can't lift the fork to my face.

3.  Finish grad school...
...without punching someone in the face or failing a class due to lack of interest.

4.  Finish Landmark curriculum.
I took a great class called Landmark that basically gave me the tools to handle life and make it work.  Despite the teasing by most friends, I found it really helpful and am continuing the education so that I can live with direction and power.  So that's on the list...

5.  Write a novel/screenplay in a month.
This is going to happen in February or April.  I'm so excited.  No showers necessary.

6.  Learn Espanol.
Enough to get by in Tijuana.

Goals, goals, goals.  This year, the score is going to be Universe: 1,297,283 Me: 6

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get through this crazy professor's boring ass economics class.  Then I have a date at an Irish Pub with an Irish bartendar.  I really wish alcohol was zero calories.