Being an adult means filing taxes...

I was trying to be all adult-like and get some stuff done tonight.  Like buying tickets for my upcoming trips and filing my taxes.  Turns out I have to budget money to buy airfare+hotels+car packages.  Who knew?  And one of my employers got my SSN wrong on my W-2.  So that's that.

I've been reading some super interesting articles lately, so I thought I'd share a few.  This one is about getting participation trophies and how kids either feel embarrassed or entitled because of it and that can affect us as adults.  This one is about the Philly Land Bank and the effort to turn our abandoned lots into actual revenue producing properties that raise value and moral.  Very interesting thing for our city - I really hope it works.

Keepin' it short and sweet.

Post-college emotional vomit

Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope everyone's went well.  Mine did, better than expected even!  Ever tried hard apple cider with a shot of fireball whiskey poured in?  You should.

Yesterday I watched this movie called Frances Ha.  Jessica (an awesome person Liz introduced me to) blogged about it and I like her taste so I watched it on Netflix.  If the definition of a good movie is invoking emotions in the viewer, this was a great movie.  

It's about Frances (duh) who is 27 and a struggling dancer in NYC.  Her bff Sophie and her start the movie living together, but life happens and Sophie moves onward and upward.  Frances kind of gets left behind.  She's awkward and broke and missing her other half.  Every other sentence when she's in a group of people is "in college, this" "in college, that."  Anyway, I guess it's a coming of age story.  One that painfully reminded me of the past few years.

After I graduated from college with a freakin' master's degree, it took me nine months to find a real person job, and even when I found it, it paid absolute crap and I felt taken advantage of.  Thank goodness I worked with some of my friends and we made it through together, because some days I just wanted to punch my boss in her dumb face.  In fact, I made so little money there I had to have two jobs, kept working in a restaurant just to keep up the student loan payments.

The feelings of that time - no money, no direction, no accomplishment and a sudden lack of community - came rushing back as I watched this movie.  It wasn't that long ago, I just got a job that changed my entire life in September, and I was studying to get licensed the first month or so, passing the exams was necessary to move forward, failure meant getting fired.  

Needless to say, these are still fresh, raw emotions.  I guess what I'm trying to say is life after college is rough.  It takes some of us a long time to get our shit together.  The awkward post-college, pre-getting-your-shit-together phase is absolutely awful.

And this movie does a great job at telling that story.

Funny how things change.

I got a new job!  I wake up every morning surprised that I don't hate my life.  My friend and I got out of the hell-hole at the same time.  It was kind of like we were in a large warehouse, running away from people with guns.  The warehouse doors were closing and we just barely made it under the ever-lowering escape door right before imminent slavery and death.

Dramatic, I know.  But it is still kind of like that.

Now I'm bored.  I was just talking to a friend yesterday - it's like, you get out of school, you have all this debt and no money.  You used to just go get drunk with friends all the time, but now everyone's spread out, you're lazy and broke.  You have a significant other at home that you kind of really like hanging out with.  So you sit at home, watch TV, clean and then lament about how you're bored.

I picked up crocheting.  Again.  For the thousandth time.  Since my commute has grown from 8 minutes to 68 minutes, I'm actually 1/3 of the way through a scarf.  But then what?!

I've been watching Community lately.  I just got yesterday how they are a little community, and how important it is.  Now, we're all glued to our phones and laptops and tablets and TVs, very rarely having face-to-face conversations or hang-out sessions.  I don't like it, yet I cancelled my Twitter account the other day then immediately opened it again.  Haven't posted in almost a year - I'm just worried about losing my username.

Seriously.

So anyway - if you're a friend, please come hang out with me.  We can crochet and drink tea together, because I have yarn and tea and water.  I also have coffee - but no cream.

Are You Ready Yet?

This morning a kid from high school popped up in my newsfeed with a status update about a fetus.

Neil was always the kid in the back of the band room, getting in trouble for goofing off during rehearsal.  He was nerdy and smart, but silly.  His feet seemed too big and he would go from joking around to super serious in 2.3 seconds.  He was just a goofy kid.  I never thought that six years after graduating from high school, Neil would be updating the world about his unborn child that his wife is carrying.

A couple of nights ago, I had a conversation with my boo about buying a house.  He really wants to - with or without me - that has been his goal since college.  But I'm not ready to buy a house and he knows this.  So I will support and help him, but will have to get rid of my preconceived notions about what life is supposed to look like.  This conversation led to the talk of marriage and how I want to be ready, but am not.

(See how this conversation about him turned into a conversation about me?  I HAVE to stop doing that!)

I think this is part of what makes being in your mid-twenties so hard.  When you're growing up, you go to school, elementary, middle, then high school.  Then, you go to college - most of your friends do too. Everyone is in the same phase in life.  Then after college, you get a job or go to grad school.  Then what?  People start getting married and popping out kids.  That's what you're supposed to do, right?

It's worse with social media, because everyday you look at Facebook, you see these pictures of weddings and houses and babies.  It may just be the minority, but it's constantly there.  It makes me wonder if I should be doing these things, if I am behind somehow in the game of life.

I am 24 years old.  I am not behind.  I am doing just fine.  I am happy.  Enjoy the happy.  I have to keep reminding myself of this.  Truth be told, I am not ready for kids.  Marriage, well, I'll probably be ready sooner rather than later.  I think I need to get through being 25 first.  Grow up just a little more, see how I continue to change with the times.

Because when I think of Neil, and the years he will miss out on being young and without children, I get a little sad for him.  I'm excited he's having a baby if that's what he wants, but I just imagine him without any sleep, so tired of changing diapers and cleaning up spit up that he wonders what the hell he's doing with his life.  No more vacations to wherever without worrying about kids and diapers and food and the extra fare.  No more random drunken nights with friends being out until after 11.  Can't just take a kid into a theatre to watch the new Paranormal Activity or Batman.  No more just taking care of yourself and your significant other.  No more carefree times.

I am 24 years old.  I am not behind.  I am doing just fine.  I am happy.  Enjoy the happy.

It's the little things

In my opinion, it's the little things that you have to recognize, admire, and do to keep going in this life where so much around us goes terribly.  

My resolutions for January - no alcohol and lots of gym visits - has been going very well.  Except for the whole early morning gym thing.  I only went once.  Evenings work much better; I can skip happy hour and go to the gym instead.  

With everything going on in life, it's so easy to get discouraged and make excuses to not do whatever your resolution is.  Whether it be reading more, working out, volunteering, or just being more positive.  We've got to start being nicer to ourselves, stop beating ourselves up.  Take a breath and notice the little things, give ourselves credit where credit is due.

Today at boxing, I noticed one of those little things.  I can do burpees so much better than before!  Burpees are this evil, tortured exercise - you start standing up, you put your hands on the floor, throw your feet out so you are in push up position, then jump your feet back to your hands, and jump up into a standing position.

When I first started working out, I couldn't do two of these in a row without dying.  Today, the 3 minutes (not consecutively) of burpees, didn't exhaust me nearly as much as they used to.  In fact, they were almost easy!  Not too easy, but not like swimming through cement.  See - it's the small things.

My weight doesn't go down that much week to week, but it's these little things I notice, like burpees becoming easier, push-ups getting stronger, runs getting faster, that keep me going to the gym.  It's okay to take pride in the small things, no matter how silly they seem! 

And that goes for everything - not just fitness goals.

Finding that "thing"

I've always loved writing, taking pictures, and doing artsy-type projects.  When I was growing up, I had these friends across the street and we would spend all day playing with the "Invisible Man", going on missions and trying to defeat the bad guys - it was all pretend.  Silly as that seems now, my imagination grew at a steady rate.

I've been plagued with a heavy dose of practicality, too.  Which means while I loved made up stories, art, and taking pictures, those were never my dream career goals.  I went to college for business.  What's more practical than that?

Now in my mid-twenties, my imagination is trying to punch through my skull, screaming "I'm still in here!  I make you happy when you exercise me!  DO SOMETHING WITH ME!"  My practical side is fighting back, saying things like "there are so many people in the world doing photography, writing, arts & crafts, you'll never become good enough at anything because you'll get bored first.  Succeeding is hard.  Don't spend time and money with your imagination."

Well, that's my story anyway.

Lately, I've been jealous of my friend I follow on Instagram (insert huge hipster sigh here).  She takes great pictures and gets a ton of likes and followers.  My creative side is so green with envy.  I told my bff and she said "you can do that, just do it too!" but inside, I know that photography only interests me slightly.  I know how to take a good picture, and every once in awhile, I go on a photohunt, or take "artistic" pictures of things, but I hate editing photos and honestly, I get bored quickly.  I also get really frustrated when I can't get the shot I want.

So, what's my "thing" - that thing that I choose to get good at, to practice and develop over my life time so my imaginative side doesn't shrivel up and die?

Back in September, my boo and I went to the shore and ended up meeting a writer on the beach (I'd post a link back, but the post isn't worth it).  She told me if I wanted to write, to just do it.  Using her dreams as inspiration, she had published a lot of stories.

Lo and behold, last night, I had a dream I think I can actually produce a good story from.  As soon as I got up this morning, I started taking notes and doing research.  That has never happened before.  (I always thought the only novelists who did research were the non-fiction writers.)

Maybe writing is my thing.  If I keep in mind it's supposed to be fun and for me, perhaps that's the answer.  That's why I started blogging again in the first place.  Practice, practice, practice.  We shall see what emerges from these deep dark mid-twenties time.

I heart Chicago

The amount of stories I have to write about from this past week is staggering.  Unfortunately, in this age of "Omg, you have a blog and you wrote what you think about us? You're fired." Means I can write very little about my trip to Chicago.

Chicago is a great city.  This time, I actually got a chance to walk around and see the city, which is beautifully decorated for the holiday season.  There's a cupcake ATM, a lit up Trump Hotel, waterways through the city, and a clean, friendly feeling around the city.  I was able to visit my good friend Brittany again.  We've been friends since middle school, and being able to share memories and stories, old and new, over martinis is something I love.

The first stop we made after the hotel was the Blue Man Group show.  Way better and funnier than I thought it would be.  One of the girls in our group got pulled up onto stage which made it even more entertaining.

Next stop was dinner.  More on dinner below.

Next stop was the liquor store.  And boy, did we need it.

The rest of the trip was stressful and awkward, to say the least.  We worked out of our Chicago office when we weren't in training, and their connection is s....l........o..............w.  It was also cramped.  And loud, as there's no carpet or curtains or fabric of any kind absorbing noise.  However, the people that work there are awesome, so, some saving grace.

What I will say to the dinner awkwardness - imagine having dinner with 8 people, 4 of whom run the company and are oblivious to how utterly angry the other 4 people are at the table because of the way the first 4 treat the second 4.  Now, imagine the most important person being slightly intoxicated.  And asking hard and opened questions.  Whose answers cause arguments that attract attention from surrounding tables.

Now, imagine looking forward to that every single night of your trip.

If you can imagine that, you can understand why I now will stop talking about my long ass business trip to Chicago.

Stuck late at work, again.

In the industry I'm in, there are lots of RFI and RFQ posts we have to respond to.  These all have deadlines, most require us to overnight mail a big box full of documents.  (Yes, I think its a huge waste of resources when we have computers.)  So, we usually use the 7 p.m. deadline so we can drop the box off downstairs before the UPS guy comes and takes it.

Last night, it was 7 p.m. and we were not done.

Someone calls around, no mailing place is open except for FedEx a few blocks away.  We call, their driver will be there until 8:10, even though they close at 8.  At 8:02, I run out of the office with a box.

I realize how ridiculous I look, running down the Philadelphia sidewalks in a dress and boots, but I don't care.  This project doesn't get turned in, I'm going to be pissed.  Because I'm running.  And I look ridiculous.  And it's 8 p.m. and I'm still working.

I get there, the doors are locked,  I run around the building and find the FedEx van.  I get there, out of breath and ask the lady "can you take this box, it is all good?"

"Well ma'am, this is a UPS label."

"Oh...man..."

Never ending pause....

"Well, there's a UPS truck sometimes still loading just down the alley, let's go see if they are still there!"

I thank the lady profusely and wish her a happy Thanksgiving.  The UPS truck is abandoned, so I call back to my company.

"I found the FedEx truck, but it's a UPS label."

"So they took it, right?"

....

"No, but I'm at the UPS place now, can you call here and tell them I'm at their loading dock in front of their truck, please?"

___

Later when I got home, I just took a breath and said out loud, "that was absolutely ridiculous."  And I completely got how insane everything was that just happened.  Welcome to the real world.

(Grand) Parents

I'm posting this from work.  But to be fair it's 6 p.m. and I'm supposed to go home at 5 p.m.  I'm just waiting for this thing.  This project thing.  It's like in college when you are the one putting together the final submission and one person in your group waits until the last minute.  Yea, that happens in real life too.  Only it's not their fault.  So I'm not mad.  I'm just hungry.

And really looking forward to Thanksgiving.

Guys, I have a niece.  I've been allergic to babies since I could have one, but this little bugger stole my heart. She's so freakin' cute and adorable.  All I want to do for those 4 days is hug her.  Although I'm pretty sure my mom will not let that happen.  She's obsessed.  It's the first grandchild - it's so weird to think of your mom as a grandma.  It's actually blowing my mind a little.  Every time I think about my parents being grandparents it makes me sad.

Sad for reasons I'm not going into right now because one of my bff's is coming in from New York today and we get to hang out for a few hours and I'm not ruining by being depress-y about my parents getting old!!!

But seriously, what is with all of this life change?

I called my mom on Saturday because I was having a lot of stomach issues.  In tears, I just wanted her help and advice.  When I was a teenager, I did not want anything to do with her advice and help.  Can you even imagine a world where you don't have your parents to bounce stuff off of?  I know some people don't, but for those of us that do, be extra grateful and make sure they know it at Thanksgiving.  Because let's face it, your mid-twenties suck and your parents have already done it.  They know more than we ever thought.

WEIRD HOW THAT TURNED OUT, EH?

Hiatus

It's been awhile since my last post.  I did a lot of growing up and now have decided to join the Rebel Blogger movement.  If a movement can be defined as 2 people....

My excuses for never writing range from "who cares about what I think or write?" to "what if my boss or future employer reads this?"  Well, whatever.  I've decided I don't need a themed blog (popular ones for girls range from fashion, to music, to cute animals - all of which I love, but none of which I wish to write exclusively about) or one that has a vast following.

So here's to you, those three people that I know read my blog (Srav, Liz and Lorna)!  I'm going to start posting again.  I started today already!  Liz posted a DIY post I did on her awesome Get Rich or DIY Tryin' blog!  I made a cool little owl named George to hang on my wall!

Liz and I had a conversation while I was in Colorado that inspired me to start blogging again (more about the Colorado trip later).  She has been trying out blogger meet-ups and has decided that most bloggers are actually super snobby assholes, my words, not hers.  So, she decided to forget those guys and write about what she loves, and I'm supporting her movement by joining it!  It helps that my online persona is like Sam Weir in Freaks and Geeks.  The online world is so big!  There are SO MANY people out there writing and doing and creating. Almost nothing will set me apart, so, why bother trying?  I'm just gonna do what I love and screw the rest.

Life has been crazy lately.  TV shows and movies have been addressing kids, high schoolers, college goers, and 30-60 somethings lives forever.  But rarely does a show or story address the hell that is your mid-twenties.  Graduating from school, searching for a job that you'll probably hate, trying to decide how to act "grown up" and paying back student loans is stressful.  There are a lot of emotional and stressful situations, and there's no guide book.  Everyone I talked to about it says "just survive and wait for your thirties".

Surviving I am.  I moved in with my boyfriend in a super uncharacteristic move.  I have never been in a happier living situation since I got my period.  I finally got a job thanks to help from one of my best friends.  Boxing has become one of my favorite pastimes, and I'm not half bad at it.  Makes working out a lot easier, I'm much more motivated.  My friends since college have changed, and it's not always happy.  I feel a lot less social than I did in college, but I think that's just part of this era, I suppose.  I could go on and on; there are so many issues with being in your mid-twenties, but only so much attention span for one post.

So tune back in this week.  Read some entertaining stuff.  Or at least stuff you can either relate to or laugh about....