Things I Should Have Learned by Now

I haven't posted in a MINUTE.  Mostly due to lack of material/inspiration.  Instead, I've been staying up late watching shows that make me look like a loser.  Like Biggest Loser, which is actually a good show, until you walk in on me cradling my laptop at 3:30 a.m. crying like a baby because someone just said something touching about losing 10 lbs.

Loserface.

Anyway, when I get up at 9 or 10 a.m. after one of these nights, tired as hell, I begin making a mental list of "Things I Should Have Learned by Now."

1.  Don't leave important and breakable things on the floor.  When sober you sees them on the floor and thinks "eh, I'm late, I'll deal with those headphones/glasses later" you KNOW drunk you is not going to see them.  And the next morning when you need either one, you realize you're screwed.  And it sucks.  So stop doing it.  You've already broken 2 pairs of glasses AND headphones.  Come. On. Already.

2.  If you tell Person A that you'll grab a drink with them, and then you tell Person B you'll come over, and Person A and Person B plans coincide on the same night, it is called double-booking.  It makes whoever you cancel on/come late too feel like birdpoo and it makes you feel guilty.  It's called a smartphone and calendar.  Learn. To. Use. Them.

3.  The door frame does not move.  When you walk into it, it hurts.

4.  The low hanging pipes in the basement have been there since you moved in.  When you walk into them, it hurts, and you lose even more braincells.

5.  The subway waits for no man, and the trolley is never coming.  Because the trolley stop is 0.01 miles away from my house, and the subway is 0.4 miles away, I always wait for the trolley, until it's too late to catch the subway, but I run there anyway, and miss both.  And then am late.  Seriously?

6.  If I start watching TV shows (see Biggest Loser, Grey's Anatomy, Friday Night Lights, How I Met Your Mother, etc) at night, I will keep watching them until there is nothing left to watch.  Like an addict.  I watched 5 episodes of Grey's Anatomy.  I haven't been a fan since halfway through season 3, yet, I had to watch all of them.  Until 3:30 a.m.  Shut. The. GD. Laptop.

And the list goes on.  But it gets even more embarrassing.  Not surprisingly.

Now, I have to construct a birthday gift in the next 6 hours, 5 of which I will be in class.  If there's one thing I am good at, it is time management.  If you ignore #2.