Tattoos & Scars

Throughout our lives, we obtain injuries.  Some are mental, some are physical.  We all can trace the years through a series of scars all over our bodies.  We can also trace the years through the tender spots that surface throughout our psyches.

I can show you the huge gash on my shoulder from when I was four.  It must have bled like a geyser out of Yellowstone.  However, I cannot tell you how it got there, and neither can my mother.

Occasional panic attacks outline the after effects of a traumatic attack three years ago.

On my wrist, there is still a faint burn mark from the too hot plate of waffle fries I carried out to the patio for my dear friend Gilbert last year.

Ridiculous amounts of guilt still wash over me from years of being emotionally poked and prodded.

A scratch from my cat Nelly left a mark on the back of my hand.  It's not completely healed yet, but there  is a guaranteed 2-inch scar lurking.

All are scars that I bear continuously.  None I chose.  They all outline the way I have lived and what I have endured.  Happiness, sadness, friendships, bad decisions, and lost love.

You could even say I've been tattooed with them.

I've intentionally tattooed myself twice.  One every few years, to document my life, where I'm at, what I like.  At least I get to choose these.  And they're pretty.  I avoid visible areas to keep myself professional, but not because the world dictates it.  I want to hide them.  Reveal them when I feel necessary.  But they're always there for me.  And I control them.  Always.  There is some relief in that.

In the future there will be scars.  C-sections, surgeries, cuts, scraps, burns, stretch marks, broken bones, and countless episodes of hurt, despair, desire, lust, love, euphoria....But I can regret nothing because of healing.

Healing is a mandatory part of a scar, without it, a scar is just a huge, open, festering wound.  The healing process is something to be proud of.  Because without healing, you die.

So I regret nothing.  All the scars I can live with, because I cannot live without them.  They have become an integral part of my being.  The ones I have chosen, and the ones I haven't.

I just hope I can continue healing.