Awkward Turtle

I was introduced to the awkward turtle freshman year of college, and since then, it has haunted me unwaveringly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CalKKKmg-Xw

In the past three weeks, I can count on my fingers AND toes times where I felt so awkward I've wanted to sink into the floor.

Since I don't feel comfortable making myself uncomfortable by recounting MY awkward moments, I'm gonna just make some up.

1. You dreamt something that you think really happened, but low and behold, it didn't.

Example: In your dream, you dreamt that the sexy neighbor admitted his undying love to you and then asked for your hand in marriage. If you are desperate/crazy enough, you wake up with a recollection of this, and you run outside in your Barney underwear and wife beater on and run up to sexy neighbor and kiss them. They are startled by 1.) your lack of dress, 2.) your stinky breath and 3.) the awkwardness that will ensue...........NOW!.

2. You show up to a party, and it is just couples, except for you.

If you're like me, you prefer to be a single and mingling person. Much more freedom and opportunity. However, it does get a little sticky when all but one or two of your friends is dating someone. Then you are stuck in a room with half people you like and half people you don't really care about. On top of that, there is sometimes awkward-couple-tension that is just, well, not to be repetitive, but really awkward. I think this may be a foreshadowing of my future life.

3. A homeless person starts yelling things about you, like:

"I can't believe you gave me herpes then won't give me change!"

"I'm a muthaf*ckin vetern. A vetern! You are such a commie bastard!"

"Stay safe kids, I have AIDS. Can you spare a dollar?"

"Yo I have FIVE kids. How many you got?"

Today I got a spiel that was like this, "excuse me miss, but I just spent last night helping out some girl that was attacked. I was in the Army, do you have $2 so I can get to Lancaster?" Okay, had he really helped a girl, I would've given him two dollars. Also, if I could prove he was a good soldier, I would've given him two dollars. But it takes $17 to get to Lancaster, not two.

So I'm done with retelling awkward stories. There are tons more, but I'm bored. So comment with awkwardness. Just for this post.