News Round-up

Srav, this is for you. I took the time to do a longer one, because I knew you needed it.

So, today on CNN.com, I took the latest news titles and dissected them. I claim no truth to what I say, besides these are actual headlines.

CNNMoney: Wall Street cheers rate cut
Sounds Like: The street named Wall when out for drinks
Probably Is: The financial district is happy about some half-baked rate cut

McCain, Obama debate economy, taxes
Sounds Like: The last 5 months.
Probably Is: The same debate that has been happening for the past 5 months.

Obama picks up 2nd debate win, viewers say
Sounds Like: In an unexciting 2nd game, Obama picks up the win for the Demos, the Reps are at 0-2 for the season.
Probably Is: Obama won another debate. No way.

Report Card: How did they rate?
Sounds Like: Grades for strip clubs, get ‘em here.
Probably Is: Grades for hookers? (OH DUH, its about the election, like everything is!)

iReport.com: Who do you think won?
Sounds Like: In the “who’s is bigger?” contest last night, who measured up?
Probably Is: Another debate summary.

Full debate: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Sounds Like: An awful trilogy
Probably Is: Video coverage of McCain not having upper teeth, and Obama making semi-witty remarks.

See all debate videos Highlights, analysis
Sounds Like: BORING
Probably Is: BORING

Ticker: McCain debate moment targeted
Sounds Like: Unfair play, replays played, slow-mo, refs called incompetent
Probably Is: McCain said something stupid, like a racial slur, and someone caught it, and now the media is having a field day.

Age, health questions continue for McCain
Sounds Like: Are you gonna die soon?
Probably Is: Are you gonna die soon – in politically correct terms of course!

Fact Check: They said it. Was it true?
Sounds Like: Someone’s checking facts?!?
Probably Is: An attempt to catch someone lying.

AIG's post-bailout spa trip angers lawmakers
Sounds Like: After bailing out on lawmakers to go to the spa, they’re gonna get SUED!
Probably Is: AIG pulled an Enron – or at least something too close to comfort

Female suicide bomber kills 9 in Iraq
Sounds Like: They started letting women do things in Iraq?!?
Probably Is: They only started letting women kill themselves in Iraq.

Mom wants out of house to seek missing tot
Sounds Like: Mom wants to get out of bed to find the missing tater tot.
Probably Is: Mom is a suspect, but still wants to search for her kid – probably because she knows where he is.

SI: Mets reliever held in hit-and-run that killed 2
Sounds Like: Benchwarmer had a double that took out 2 bases - held for steroid suspicions.
Probably Is: Benchwarmer is a crappy driver and didn’t want to pay the consequences. Jerk.

Bill Murray says divorce is worst thing ever
Sounds Like: Bill Murray says divorce is worse than starving kids in Africa, AIDS, cancer, and eating bugs.
Probably Is: Bill Murray complains about his posh life.

Tiger Woods announces golf course project
Sounds Like: There is a project, involving golf, a course, a Tiger and a Woods.
Probably Is: Tiger Woods finally builds a golf course.

'Half-naked women' try out for football
Sounds Like: Yo, NEW SPORT – BETTER RATINGS!
Probably Is: Cheerleading?

5-legged toad appears to wave hello
Sounds Like: Mutant Ninja Toad on Mars appears to be waving to the Man in the Moon.
Probably Is: WTF? And who cares?