Sister Wives

I’d heard a lot about this show, Sister Wives, but for some reason I put off watching it.  Polygamy?  Come on, everyone knows that’s gross and against the law.  Freaks.

Yea, guess that’s what people used to say about gays.  And people in interracial relationships.  And, oh….

Here was my view of polygamy.  Brigham Young.  Gross men.  Women who had cow shit for brains or who were being held against their will.  Children who were kind of brainwashed and exposed to promiscuous lifestyles.  Poor, dirty people who just didn’t know any better.  Outsiders to the community.  This was my preconceived notion from stereotypes picked up from the media or what people had said or alluded too.  I never really thought about it, mostly because I had never met a polygamist and never thought I would.  They were like a mythical creature that didn’t really exist.  But now there’s a TV show about them (so clearly they must be real)!

From the very beginning, I was utterly shocked and surprised.  The show is tastefully done and the people are genuine and open.  At the start there are three wives, one husband, and twelve kids.  They live in the same house, but everyone has different apartments with in the house, allowing for nuclear family connections, but also for whole family interactions.  Every mom plays a different role:  one works absurd hours, the other works and is studying to start another career and the third takes care of the household and the kids.  The dad is portrayed as a loving, caring man who is emotionally in-tune with each wife and takes incredible care of his kids.  He spends every night in a different apartment with a different wife, schedules dates and equally divides his time.  The wives all have a deep bond with each other and with their husband, as they have all been married to Kody for at least 16 years.

From the start the wives explain that polygamy is something they chose.  They wanted to be in a polygamist relationship and did not want to enter a traditional marriage or family.  They enjoy the company of the other wives and the relationship everyone shares.  The division of labor and the fact that their kids are always taken care of is something they take comfort in.  The moms are well spoken, intelligent  and so normal.

Kody, for his part, really works with each wife to make sure they are emotionally taken care of.  The whole clan does devote a good time talking about the intricacies of the relationships.  Everyone talks about their emotions and works out problems as a team.  They even said something like “all relationships are complex and take a lot of work to maintain.  This is the same thing.  A complex marriage doesn’t mean a complicated one.”

And the burning question everyone wants to know the answer to:  how do they manage sex?

The answer is, they just don’t think about it.

These girls are funny too.

Now, I’m not interested in ever being a part of a polygamist marriage (neither are some of their children – and everyone is truly okay with that) but this show really was an education on something I previously judged without any facts or experience.  I’m going to encourage people to watch it, if only to expand your mind into a place it probably hasn’t been before.  Just watch how the family interacts – the marriages are healthier than most monogamous people I know and their kids are just wonderfully taken care of and developed - it is amazing.

Just be prepared to get your closed mind blown to all kinds of open.