Must Be Great to Be Old

I hate making fun of people.

No, wait, that's not true.

I hate making fun of decent people who don't deserve it.

In my humble opinion and as an expert of train riding, people who do not follow the rules of travel do deserve to be made fun of. Here are the rules:

1.) Don't be obnoxious

2.) Don't be loud

3.) Don't talk really loudly on your cell phone

4.) Don't steal anything

Miss CarrieJeanJo broke most of those rules on the way back from Atlantic City on Saturday night. I named her CarrieJeanJo because of her appearance and life.

CarrieJeanJo had red hair, white skin, and a somewhat mannish face. Her clothes were not "What Not to Wear" bad, but they were definitely a little trailer-trash. I would guess her age to be around 30 based on appearance and her life story, which she told to the 450 lbs. dude sitting across from her on the train in a voice that (on a scale of 1-10, 1 being neutral and 10 being unbearably grating) was a 8.5. The final fact that I need to express is that when she smiled she had 3 front teeth. Not like "oh that's weird, there's one in the middle sorta, then two more around it" it was like "oh, she only has three teeth in her entire mouth."

Carrie Jean Jo was sitting in the front of the train, facing everyone else for loudest voice projection purposes, I suppose. The 450 lbs. dude was sitting facing her, with a survivor from Iwo Jima sitting behind them.

Through my headphones, this is what I heard of the life story of CarrieJeanJo. Her first husband wanted her barefoot and pregnant and didn't let her have any friends. Her next boyfriend which she had a kid with went to jail. Her next boyfriend told her that he was 35 when he was really 45, and she doesn't like liars so that was out (at that point, I was ready to say "so deary, I'm not lying but you are effin' annoying and ugly" but I refrained). And then she got married to her current husband who is a chef so she gets to eat well and doesn't have to cook.

The survivor from Iwo Jima and I had a talk by eyes, it went like this:

Me: "I'm so sorry you don't have an iPod to listen to."

Iwo Jima: "It's okay, I couldn't work one anyway. Besides, she's not THAT bad, I DID survive Iwo Jima."

Me: "Thank you for service to your country and being a kindly old gentleman instead of busting a cap in her ass."

Iwo Jima: "It's cool, my hearing aids are off."

Me: "Must be great to be old."