Process Serving: Duprex Snape Style

Sorry for the three day hiatus. I was enjoying the balmy weather in the great Carribean country of Jamaica Grenada, and drinking rum. Okay, fine. I wish I was enjoying the balmy weather in Jamaica Grenada (with Srav, and pack of cloves). I also wish I was drinking rum. Yes, at 8:30 in the morning. At work. On a Thursday.


As I was stumbling around the corridors trying to get all of my work out before noon yesterday, I realized that I have a hand in part of a career of a process server. Not many people aspire to be process servers, however I think Seth Rogan may have brought back some love to the field. I mean, who doesn't wanna dress up, fool people, and do it high? Thank goodness for movies that allow you to think that life as a lackey is really awesome!

My job right now includes process contracting. So, every Wednesday, I get online, find the list of people that the City wants to sue, print them out and mail them. Except for the 10 or so every other week that live out of state. Those don't get mailed. They get SERVED!

Note: the title of the following scenes is "Process Serving: Duprex Snape Style". Wtf? you may ask yourself. Well, let's just say one of the "perks" of my job is that I get to look through names of everyone who owns property or gets arrested for a non-violent act (like peeing on the Eagles Stadium). Mr. Snape, Duprex Snape, is a name I came across the other day. Badass, I know. That is why he is the main character in my process serving world. Cuz he's awesome. What now, biotches!?!? You gonna mess with someone with a badge?? That's right, he gets a badge.


I would like to think that Mr. Snape, who strangly resembles Mr. Rogan, gets handed my letters and dresses up as a prostitute to hand them out to my unsuspecting suspects. Then, Mr. Snape gets involved in a mixed up murder/drug mess after getting into a fight with a pimp and trying to serve the leader of a gang of drug dealing pedophiles, camps out in the woods, doesn't shower, doesn't eat, meets Mr. Franco, almost dies, and ends up being a hero by saving a kitten (and a little boy) from sure drug dealer death (and molestation). After a victory breakfast, Mr. Snape goes all dirty and bloody to the morgue to identify bodies for the popo. "You've been served MISTER CORPSE." Mr. Snape, Duprex Snape says as he carelessly tosses my papers, that I printed out and touched, on the dead body, therefore justifying the whole crazy situation.

I know, it's slightly unrealistic, but don't hate, I'm just living the dream.

See, being a process server can't be so bad!!! They really all look like E-Surance girls and NOT like overweight Jewish guys with fros and a bong. (I should get paid for putting this ad up. Mfers.)