Bastdaggery

Comment that may or may not have appeared on fmylife.com:

"Today, my boyfriend asked me to buy him cigarettes because he is broke. I bought him tobacco and rolling papers and said "here, roll your own, it's cheaper." Later, I asked him to pick up tampons for me. He came back and handed me cottonballs and string and said "here, roll your own, it's cheaper." FML."

Now boys, at some point if you are married or have a girlfriend, you are probably at least going to be asked to go buy tampons. Here are a few pointers so that you do not eff up. Cuz lets face it, there are a lot of tampon choices out there, and not all are created equal.

If your girl buys semi decent makeup, spends money on clothes and shoes, and generally has a little extra cash on hand, she's probably going to want pearls. Pearls as in Tampon Pearls, or some kind of tampon with a plastic applicator. Now, they do sell store brands, but DO NOT buy them unless she specifies "get the cheaper ones".

If your girl is kinda cheap (as in not-a-lot-of-money, not as in cheap'n'easy) you can get her regular tampons that have a cardboard applicator. I would say these are the majority, some of the cheapest (but not THE cheapest), and the safest bet most of the time.

If your girl is a I'm-not-gonna-shave-and-I-care-about-the-environment-so-much-that-I-don't-shower, you can get her the environmentally friendly ones. Under no circumstance should you ever buy these for anyone who showers regularly because they enjoy to. They are the smallest box, and by far the cheapest. It will say "cuts down on waste to the environment by 80%" or some shiznit. But really, these are the worst tampons ever. Because some guy put cottonballs and some string together and said "here, we can roll our own! It's cheaper!"

If your girl asks you to buy her a cup instead of a tampon, break up with her immediately. Her vag is disgusting and so is she. (I'm really sorry if this offends anyone, but the fact that they sell Diva-Cups makes me want to vomit.)

My last advice to you boys. Variety packs are your friend.

Word of the Day, compliments of Tony: bastdaggery - like douchebaggery, only with the root word bastard, instead of douche.

Quote of the Day: Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -Ernest Hemingway (drunkard.)