What's that in your water?

I'll say it once, I'll say it again:  Don't mess with the people that are serving you food or drinks.

Luckily for the normal consumer, tips come at the end of a meal, so it motivates the servers to be nice to you and work for it.  Because if they knew how much you'd tip, the service would be closely correlated.  However, I've come up with a scheme that levels the playing field.  It's called eye drops.

If someone starts being an a-hole, they are going to get eye drops in whatever they are drinking.  I might not know how much they'll tip me, but I will know that they will spend a very satisfying hour on the toilet pooping out massive amounts of douche.

And then, as time goes on, they'll realize it's the "restaurant" making them sick.  And they won't ever come back.  Then all the people who make my life hell on earth everyday will not come back.  Just like that, a better work environment.

List of things that make you a jerk:
"Can you just bring us a round of waters."
"I'm allergic to peppers." (at a mexican place, really?!)
"I want a Long Island, and can you make it strong?"
"We'll just have the check, and we're all separate, so we'll take separate checks."
"Can you read the menu to me?  I forgot my glasses."
"My fries taste different than her fries."
"I hate this margarita, it's so bitter."
"You did such a wonderful job serving us." (tips less than 10%)
"HEY YOU! Yea, I want wings, how much they cost?"
"We don't want to sit here, we want to sit right there."
"Oh, I ordered food at the bar already, just tell them to bring it to me here."
"Can I have a hot tea?"
Every time a server walks up to your table you ask for one thing, when they come back you ask for one more thing, rinse and repeat.
Eating half your food, deciding you don't like it.

And the list goes on.  For all of those people above, you get eye dropped water and/or alcohol.  Sorry about your luck, but you should always know, don't mess with the people who can mess with your food.