Real Life Fails

It all started at a bar called Drinkers' West the other day.  St. Patty's day to be exact.  Yes, I did the stupidest thing ever and went to a ghetto/college bar on the worst amateur drinking night of the year.  But, I did see the greatest fail ever.

I was outside as a fight spilled into the street.  The bouncers were trying to break up the fight but as the one of the dudes got away, so did the other.  He swung downward, trying to hit the dude on the head/shoulder but failed.  He stumbled, his pants fell down around his ankles, exposing his bright blue boxer briefs and he fell head over heels.  And then got arrested.  It was hilariously awesome.

And since then, I've been seeing some hilarious fails.

This was a display piece in IKEA.

Yea, I totally know what to expect now from IKEA furniture, if I didn't already know.

Procrastinators unite!

Our neighbor really needs to stop feeding the cats.  You can't see the 15 cats that are on the other side of the green door, or the 7 that aren't pictured.

This isn't really a fail, but I'm surprised Goodwill has such an automated application process.

Ad in the local Central PA paper.  Make sure you read the whole thing for the juxtaposition hilarity.

And finally the last one that is a fail no more because my friend got his car fixed.

Notice the vanity mirror.  So. Classic.

I have my own fail from last night.  Trying to learn to drive a stick is not the easiest thing.

Anyone else have good fail/win stories lately?

Pork n Beer

When I bring people home to Central PA, they generally don't get to visit the "real" Central PA.  Fortunately, this weekend I went to visit part of my "extended-family".  We're not actually related, but we might as well be.

After driving for about 30 minutes, passing through to a different county, passing a few buggies, and driving on a dirt road, we get to our destination.  It was a birthday party for one of the girls!  We drank a little and I was going to leave, but then Matt asked me to play washers.  I love washers.

Imagine being in an old butcher house, throwing washers and drinking and laughing.  Then Matt says "you've never seen a rooster get drunk? Really?! They LOVE beer.  You can pour about two down it's throat at a time.  And pigs, they ABSOLUTELY love beer!"

And it just so happens, there were roosters and pigs in the barn.

And there was also beer in the barn.

And the piggies LOVE beer.

And they do get drunk!!  The roosters were watching and squawking while the dog was trying to get in on the action.  A few minutes later, we left the pigs staggering in the barn and went out to the bonfire which was keeping us warm in the glow of the super-moon.

And these are a few of my favorite nights with some of my favorite people.  I love Philly, but sometimes home is just where you need to be.

I mean, come on, where can you see pigs drinking beer in Philly?!?!  Oh right, the corner bar.....

Questionable Queues

While sitting in my economics class I realized I was in desperate need of a coffee.  In this business building, there is a Starbucks downstairs which is inevitably hosting a line of at least 10 people.  During our five minute break, I walked downstairs and saw a line of about 45 people.  Why?

I assume these people also were in desperate need of caffeine.  I also assume none of these people had the brains to walk outside for 30 seconds, cross the street, request a large coffee from one of the food trucks, pay a dollar, walk back across the street, and be back inside.  As long as it took me to do that, my classmates had moved up 3 feet in line.  If that.

HAHA. SUCKERS.  You also paid at least 150% of what I did for 75% less coffee.  Me = WINNING!

But seriously?  Why such a long line?  Why wait in such a long line?  I believe I'll file this as further evidence that groups of people are stupid.  I mean, come one.  Groups of people decided paper could beat rock, and clearly that is just not true.  Next time you get in a fight, try throwing wadded up paper balls.  Guarantee you that the person throwing rocks wins.  If they have good aim.  Or any kind of aim.

Things I Should Have Learned by Now

I haven't posted in a MINUTE.  Mostly due to lack of material/inspiration.  Instead, I've been staying up late watching shows that make me look like a loser.  Like Biggest Loser, which is actually a good show, until you walk in on me cradling my laptop at 3:30 a.m. crying like a baby because someone just said something touching about losing 10 lbs.

Loserface.

Anyway, when I get up at 9 or 10 a.m. after one of these nights, tired as hell, I begin making a mental list of "Things I Should Have Learned by Now."

1.  Don't leave important and breakable things on the floor.  When sober you sees them on the floor and thinks "eh, I'm late, I'll deal with those headphones/glasses later" you KNOW drunk you is not going to see them.  And the next morning when you need either one, you realize you're screwed.  And it sucks.  So stop doing it.  You've already broken 2 pairs of glasses AND headphones.  Come. On. Already.

2.  If you tell Person A that you'll grab a drink with them, and then you tell Person B you'll come over, and Person A and Person B plans coincide on the same night, it is called double-booking.  It makes whoever you cancel on/come late too feel like birdpoo and it makes you feel guilty.  It's called a smartphone and calendar.  Learn. To. Use. Them.

3.  The door frame does not move.  When you walk into it, it hurts.

4.  The low hanging pipes in the basement have been there since you moved in.  When you walk into them, it hurts, and you lose even more braincells.

5.  The subway waits for no man, and the trolley is never coming.  Because the trolley stop is 0.01 miles away from my house, and the subway is 0.4 miles away, I always wait for the trolley, until it's too late to catch the subway, but I run there anyway, and miss both.  And then am late.  Seriously?

6.  If I start watching TV shows (see Biggest Loser, Grey's Anatomy, Friday Night Lights, How I Met Your Mother, etc) at night, I will keep watching them until there is nothing left to watch.  Like an addict.  I watched 5 episodes of Grey's Anatomy.  I haven't been a fan since halfway through season 3, yet, I had to watch all of them.  Until 3:30 a.m.  Shut. The. GD. Laptop.

And the list goes on.  But it gets even more embarrassing.  Not surprisingly.

Now, I have to construct a birthday gift in the next 6 hours, 5 of which I will be in class.  If there's one thing I am good at, it is time management.  If you ignore #2.