Memorial Day

It's Memorial Day and I have to work.  So, here are to promises of a Graphic Novella tomorrow after my job interview and before I pass out from stress and lack of sleep.

Also, something I've been contemplating lately.  Thanks friends.  I've been super stressed out since the day you met me, have promised to call and haven't until months later, been short, snappy, absent, and generally a mess when I finally met up with you at a bar.  Or been blacked out in front of your parents.  You've asked me what was wrong and I have declined to answer.  You haven't called Intervention for alcoholism or excessive TV watching.  When I say I hate everybody, you take it in stride and assume (correctly) that I don't mean you.  So, thanks.  For real.  From the bottom of my heart.

There is so much more I wish to say to you, thank you for, give you hugs for, and buy shots for.  Soon, it will be over.  Not our friendship, but my stressed out state.  I'm taking huge strides and if all goes well, in about three weeks things will be back to normal.  Which is something you've never experienced, so get ready!!

Enjoy the holiday!!  Day drinking and pool parties and barbecues!!

(Thanks soldiers.)

Discussion Points

Honestly, I'm addicted to TV shows.  So in the 29 minutes I have left before work, I'm going to watch an episode instead of blogging.  But, I did want to bring up a few points of discussion first.

1.  What do you think about this quote from Andy Warhol about Coke?

What’s great about this country is that America started the tradition where the richest consumers buy essentially the same things as the poorest. You can be watching TV and see Coca-Cola, and you know that the President drinks Coke, Liz Taylor drinks Coke, and just think, you can drink Coke, too. A Coke is a Coke and no amount of money can get you a better Coke than the one the bum on the corner is drinking. All the Cokes are the same and all the Cokes are good. Liz Taylor knows it, the President knows it, the bum knows it, and you know it.

I feel like this is a good insight.  But I want other's opinions.  It's an interesting topic.  Sidenote:  JFK was the pres at the time.  Him and Liz Taylor - bumchicka-wahwah.

2.  TV shows you must watch.  Weeds.  Arrested Development.  How I Met Your Mother.  Breaking Bad.  I had a 45 minute conversation at the bar about TV the other day.  I felt kinda lame, but everyone else seemed into it.

3.  I've gotten farther down a good path than I ever thought I'd come.  I'm not yet ready to discuss it but I've realized three very important things in the past couple of weeks.  A) I'm cute.  B)  I'm the only one I'll be with forever.  C) I AM a good person.  Despite all the sarcasm and hurt and creeperish tendencies and anything else people think about me.

4.  Life plan thus far = Sept 2011, California.  Sept 2012, Europe.  I'm moving around, up and down.

5.  Cuddling with no expectations is great.  In fact, it may have renewed my faith in men.  And touching people.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

Comics and Whatnot

I may be going insane.  Or I may be hungover.  Or I may be going through nicotine withdrawal.  Or I may just be burnt out.  Or all of the above.  (If this was a multiple choice question on the exam of my life, the correct answer would be the last option.)

So I'm just going to share some hilarious comics I've found over the past few days on the internets.  I was going to blog about how I hate bread, but the humor in me is as dry as a post-menopausal woman's...hair...GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER.

But put it back in the gutter for this one:

Now substitute that orange looking thing with this bitch:

Isn't she adorable??

Next up, to compliment my roomie Liz's blog post about boys and our countless conversations about how Disney/Hollywood ruined our expectations for a perfect boy:

We were right.  It was all bullpoop.  Speaking of poop...
I told two friends yesterday that poop is super important.  Depending on what comes out you are either healthy or not.  Because Scrubs told me so.



For your reference, here is a chart of poo.

You're welcome.

These last two are self explanatory and I have no good segwey for them.  I just don't want the last thing you take away from this edition of Stooptime to be poop.  Just so there are no unconscious pairings going on.

I'm toying with the idea of deleting Facebook.  But I would need moral support.  And a peer support group.  And another networking outlet.

Steve Jobs?  Bill Gates?  What you got cooking in those little tech companies of yours?

Asshats.  (Thanks for making this blog possible.)

Enjoy this Wednesday.  It's super warm.  OH, and don't forget to hold your breath until 10 p.m.  Apparently the air is toxic right now.  Air Warning #1 AND #2 are in effect people!!

You'll Wanna Fall Asleep

Dreams are really weird things.  I was talking with a roommate the other day about dreams.  They’ve been having really vivid dreams and expressed some sort of disgust about it.  I agree.  Vivid dreams suck.  Mostly because it’s really hard to separate dreams from reality, even after you have had your coffee.  Also, sleep is supposed to be an escape from reality, so having reality in your sleep is a huge slap in the face.

Once I was seeking help for PTSD and because I was having a lot of trouble sleeping, we (me and a dude that had a degree in brain waves) talked about dreams.  Apparently, the average person dreams anywhere from 3-5 times per night.  In fact, it is impossible to have a healthy brain without dreaming.  But, a lot of people don’t remember their dreams.  I remember more than average.  In fact, just from last night I remember two dreams I had.  I still remember a dream I had when I was 4 years old.  And the reoccurring nightmare of the large boa snake lying on my floor from the age of 6-present day.  Among many other dreams.  Luckily, there is a science of dreams, known as oneirology (thanks, Wikipedia).

So, using the “dream dictionary”, I deciphered my dreams.  But I'm only telling you about the second one.  Otherwise you'll die of boredom.  (Pictures added for your enjoyment).

I was standing on a beach, receiving a tour by the same guy who guided me through Chile.   The beach was definitely not in the U.S.  The water fascinated me.  The tour guide commented on the million pictures I took and I told him the water was just really, really pretty because it was super blue.  We walked around (the sand was hurting the blisters I currently have on my feet) and met up with another friend (Loretta) and while we were hiking around the beach, there were two seals lying in the sand sleeping.  They weren’t dying or anything, just relaxing.  We got pictures.  Then I woke up.

Apparently, the beach represents two sides of the brain:  the beach (rational mental processes) and the water (irrational, unsteady, emotional).  Oh hey water, hey, I totally relate.  Since I was contemplating the beautiful yet scary water, it means that I have major and unknown changes occurring in my life.  No shit, Sherlock.

The tour guide is an acquaintance that represents aspects of myself I’m still trying to get to know.  The good friend is parts of my personality that I have rejected but am ready to acknowledge.  Loretta, apparently you are going to have good news soon to tell me.  I cannot wait to hear it.

The seals that we saw represent playfulness, good luck, success, prosperity, faithful friends, and spiritual understanding.   So, Loretta, this dream is good news for you!   

P.S. Sand covered seals are really gross looking.  At least they were in my dream.  Probably because I hate the caked texture of sand.  ANYWAY.

The two thoughts I’d like to end with are:

1.  The word “dream” is one of those words that look and sound really strange after looking at it more than 5 times in a row.

2.  At the beginning of this post I thought oneirology was bullshit.  Now, I’m deciding if it’s bullshit.  Either way, it’s interesting.  For me.  Probably not for you.

Go take a nap.

Wine & Spirits

Every time I go to the liquor store, I meet the nicest people.  Fortunately, because I reside in the lovely state of Pennsylvania, my only option to buy wine and liquor by the bottle is at a Wine & Spirits (state owned and run) Store.  Also, fortunately, they are open until 5 p.m. on Sundays, and I get off work at 4 p.m.  Boo-yah.

The nearest W&S is in a slightly sketchy spot.  In fact, I plan my bike ride home based on avoiding a bad area that may be faster, but also much more dangerous.  I think this is why I meet the nicest people.  I have two theories about people in the ghetto being nice.  1) If they don't have a gun, they're nice in case you do. 2)  They want money.  Sometimes.

Case in point - a few alcohol runs ago, I was running a little late.  It was 8:45 and the liquor store is supposed to stay open until 9.  As I ride up to the store, they already have half of the store-front caged off, and the only thing open is the exit door.  Assuming they were closed, I started turning around, but the nice bum let me know they were open.  He also watched my bike.  So I gave him a dollar.  And the next time I was at the liquor store that late, I helped a couple out with the same information.  The lady was screaming at the dude from the car.  I think the dude really appreciated it.

Anyway, I have like 15 more stories, but they are all little and dumb.  And, I have this wine to finish.  There's a bicycle on it!

Yea gurl.

The Clarity Astounds Me

Clearly my hiatus from drinking was not long enough.  For those that don't know, or who didn't notice, I've taken an extended leave of absence from drinking in public because of my tendencies to do lots of really embarrassing things that I can't remember.

Luckily the only part I (hopefully) can't remember from last night is after I got into bed.  By myself.

Luckily my BRAND NEW LAPTOP that was upside down on the floor was still working today too.

The only thing I'm super worried about is being completely smashed in front of one of my biffles parents.  Why did I go there?!

Also, why does ANOTHER random old dude have my phone number?  I can't even remember what we talked about.  I have to stop.  Geez.

Guess that's what those gigantic Long Islands will do to you. Oh and free booze all night long.

Congratulations Loretta on finishing!!!!  Sorry you're best friend is a drunkie and could only post 3 pictures on facebook to commemorate the event.

I will hold onto hope

Let's hope this is true.  I don't think it is.

For instance.  In Sex & The City 2, Carrie Bradshaw will be using a HP.  An promoting it.  Along with all the other characters.  After HOW MANY YEARS of using a Mac.  Cool.  Do the opposite thing, just switch from a Mac to a PC.  Shatter everyone's hopes and dreams and sense of right and wrong.  Go ahead.  Do it.  Damn Hollywood, you are so cruel.

Money grubbers.

Next Fred Flintstone will be selling cigarettes instead of vitamins and mac & cheese.  Oh wait.  That already happened.

I will hold onto hope and I won't let you choke, on the noose around your neck.

(Mumford&Sons)

News in a Nutshell

(I want to preface this post with saying that this is a satire.  Because I say some very opinionated things in here that could be taken as hate towards Philadelphia or the government.  But really, I get all warm and fuzzy inside every time I think about both subjects.  Damn, I just can't stop being satanical satirical.)

At Loretta's last night, we watched Law & Order SVU which was immediately followed by an ad for Law & Order LA.  Seriously L&O.  Seriously?  Why don't you just name yourselves PDA (Police Department/District Attorney), team yourselves up with CSI and whore yourselves out start investigating in every city.  I may be biased and angry based on the fact you are getting rid of Stabler.  Stabler.  The person everyone fantasizes about.  How are you going to replace him?!?!  (Who else would be immediately attractive after getting raped?!?!)

After SVU was over, the news came on.  They enticed us with several interesting pieces which I immediately (and cynically) told Loretta would be on at 11:55, instead of 11.  Since they went straight to the stuff I wanted to hear, I'll regurgitate it here.  In a much more interesting way.  Also without a fake smile on my face.  Seriously.  Frowning.  Right now.

First up was about our lovely city being in movies.  For instance, Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro are filming The Dark Fields here now.  And guess what?!  My friend is in the movie!!!  He got to meet Bradley Cooper and do a whole scene with him!  Super duper exciting!!!  I wish I was an actress sometimes.  But I know I would just look at Bradley Cooper with please-do-me eyes and never get a word in edgewise.

My friend was not on the news.  So moving on.  Pennsylvania apparently provided about $74 million in tax breaks to the film industry if they film the majority of any production in PA in 2009 (and every year prior).  This helps with job security and getting Pennsylvania on the big screen.  This year however, the budget has already been allocated to projects currently (or soon to begin) filming.  Therefore, filming crews blocking roads and sidewalks and bike lanes will be significantly reduced...until PA gets their priorities straight and stops giving money to the public school systems.  (Come on, we already shut down the libraries, let's just get rid of kindergardeners.  Who needs them it?)

This filming loss is obviously tragic for Philly since things like "Rocky" and "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" keep this city running day-to-day.  Who will we look up to now?  And what will the public do if there aren't random green men running around the city?!

How about Sir Richard.  That's right.  Next item in the news was about Sir Richard's Tavern.  Conveniently located on 44th and Lancaster Ave.  Apparently an ex-convict owns it and it is number 4 on Philly's Finest's "most dangerous/most police calls and visits for a bar" list.  I'll tell you what.  Why don't you come over, and we'll hop on the 10 Trolley.  $2 and about 30 seconds later, we'll be there!  Afterwards, we can make all the bad decisions we want to because on the way back, the 10 Trolley will drop us off right in front of an abortion clinic.  Don't worry they're real cheap.  It costs about $5, as long as they don't have to wash their hands and can keep the fetus in a jar for kicks and giggles.  It's only slightly illegal.

It's about as illegal as Sir Richard's Tavern.  I mean, they only run a small amount of drugs and only a little more guns/ammo out of there every week.  I'm sure they'll hook us up with a few free shots.  Alcoholic.  Maybe.

That's the furthest Loretta and I got in the news department.  I bid her adieu after beating her pants of at Wii Golf and rode off into the darkness while contemplating how cold the beer at Sir Richard's would be.

What I should have been contemplating was the new poverty estimate.  For a family of four, $60,000 a year to scrap by.  In Philly that is.  In Ethiopia they'd probably be rich.  Just sayin'.

Picture Story (Graphic Novella?)

I always take a lot of pictures with my phone and mean to post pictures.  But I never do.  However, tonight I finally uploaded the 139 camera pictures I had.  So get ready for a very random and telling graphic novella of my life.

My biffle went to a tattoo convention and all she got me was this pretty bag!  And a great magazine to read!  Aren't the birds awesome.  Also, the bow can be removed depending on how girly I feel at the moment.  For instance, if I'm going out to pick up guys - bow on!  If I'm going to kick some ass, bow off!

Speaking of bags.  I did NOT get this at the thrift store last Saturday.  Mostly because I have no plants to water.  Also because there's no removable bow.  Fail.

Speaking of thrifting, a penny saved is a penny earned.  Have you seen the new pennies?  Come on government.  You couldn't come up with anything better than a superhero looking emblem.

Somehow that was better than some memorial to some president.  Okay, Abe Lincoln.  You know, the reason there's now someone who isn't white in office now (yay diversity!!!).  You, you government paid "designers,"  are as dumb as this mouse.  Who I stomped around and poked with a stick.  He didn't think I could do any harm to him.  In fact, he acted like a cat and just sniffed around and groomed himself.  Oh, to feel invincible.

No, there's no zoom on my camera phone.  Maybe there is.  But I don't know how to use it.  Heck, I can't even handle calling people sometimes.  However, I can handle creeping.  Like this girl, who I took a picture of at the bank.  She didn't notice when my phone made the "click, I just took a picture" sound on the highest volume.  But everyone behind me did.

I mean, she just looked ridiculous.  I HAD to document it.  Yes, I may or may not have a problem.  I admit nothing.  I also had to document my first pet, Tina, and her adorableness.  It's hard to bear the thought, but she will probably die soon.  I've had her since 5th grade.  How freakin' cute is she??

Oh man, my heart hurts just thinking about it.

And now for the stellar ending (and don't worry, this is the last of the graphic novella...for now...) I bought this lovely skirt today at Ann Taylor Loft (ATL) where my roomie works.  Isn't it cute?

FIN.

Help, I'm Alive

"A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Obviously Mr. Holmes never heard of drugs.

Anyway, for the past hour I’ve been filling out exit surveys for undergraduate soon-to-be graduates. Maybe I’ll win an iPad. Or get $10 off my cap and gown for this year. In hindsight, I should’ve just walked in next year’s graduation, as I will be receiving no degree this year and two degrees next year. But you know, whatever. Everyone’s all hyped up to go already so they can watch me walk through a dumb and long ceremony to validate my accomplishments. However, I will feel much more accomplished next year when I’m enjoying a 3 week vacation in Europe as my reward for completing 18 years of school. Hello Amsterdam.

Since I’ve worked a billion days in a row, here are two videos from class I’d like to share.

The first one is about the new X-box 360 Project Natal. OMG watch this video. It’s ridiculous. Next step up from the Wii. Let’s discuss this later.

How cool is that. Next one, you’ll only enjoy if you like Economics. And rap. But it’s hilarious. Yoto showed it to us in International Trade class. What a funny Bulgarian.

I’m off to drink 156 more cups of coffee and sling burritos and margaritas. After class.

Cheers!

As the world falls around us

Let's focus on the good things in life.

Mumford and Sons was an AMAZING concert. Besides seeing the geniuses sing their awesome compositions, I got to witness an amazing "Liz" moment. The lead singer's guitar string broke and the band was killing time as it got fixed. Making conversation to "relate" to us Yanks, the guy says "Yea, and I saw the liberty bell. Not as big as I thought it was going to be." (In a Bri-ish accent. Awesome right?!). And in that one moment of almost complete silence, Liz turns and says "guys, that's what she said!"

Proceed to laughter.

After the concert we (Pogo, Liz and I) went to the park right behind Independence Hall and "ate a sandwich". Good times. (HIMYM reference. Anyway.)

Onto different things. I have a job interview for this week or next week...if the guy ever emails me.... And if I don't get the job/don't actually have the interview I'm starting my own business. Screw it. Everyone else is doing it. Besides, who wants to work a stuffy office job while in grad school? I wanna eat sandwiches all day long.

I can pay grad school tuition in one shot. As in, I can probably afford most of grad school rather than getting loans. Not as in I can go to the bar, order the most expensive shot and that's the end of grad school. Wouldn't that be sweet?

Good things....good things...

I'm going to work soon, so the list has to stop. But here, enjoy this Lady Gaga video. Done by (relatively) straight dudes. It's awesome. And good!

Liz, get your work done! You can do it gurllllllllll!

We love to talk on things we don't know about

I'm not ready to graduate. I'm not ready for the real world. Don't get me wrong, I'm so sick of classes and pointless exams and endless homework. And I can totally survive in the real world. No doubt.

I just don't want to.

Mostly because I have no idea what I want to do or who I truly am. When people are like "oh, what are you doing after graduation" the people that can't find themselves say "Peace Corps. [insert bumblefuck country here] is gonna be so fun. The people really need help there." Everyone knows that they are just delaying things and trying to immerse themselves in a completely different culture and feel good about it at the same time, without paying a large sum of money. The Peace Corps are a great idea. My answer to the dreaded question however is "grad school."

What I'm actually going to do is sort out my morals, values, and beliefs and try to figure out a way to live in harmony with myself because this dissonance is getting super annoying. Like a Cascada song on repeat when you're trying to sleep.

First things first, I'm giving up a shift at work. While I plan on quitting the restaurant job that eats my soul away bite by bite in June, for now giving up one shift could drastically change my outlook on life. Who needs to work Sunday morning anyway. It's only like a $7-$100 day anyway. And usually I'm super hungover and stressed about all of the schoolwork I have to get done before midnight. It's not the solution I need to "finding myself" or whatever, but it will be a small start.

For now, I'll plan on being happy eventually. I also plan on owning my own island and laying in a hammock for at least 3 months out of the year, sipping sangria and listening to music mixed with the sound of the ocean hitting the beach.

In other news, I'd like to pose 3 questions.

1.) If a family friend sent you a $100 check as a random gift, would you feel guilty cashing it?

2.) I saw a professor's facebook page. His profile picture was a shirtless portrait. Interesting or weird? Also, fired or hired?

3.) Liz, did you finish your homework yet?

More posts later. After grad school orientation.

No Buns

Last night as we were eating a healthy dinner of tzatziki, pita, and roasted vegetables, the subject of KFC's new Double Down sandwich was brought up. A bit too drunk to remember what I had read in this article earlier in the day, I told my roommates I'd blog about it and tell them how wrong their outlook on life was today.

Let's keep in mind this sandwich

is also available in grilled form. However, vegetarians are out of luck.

Everyone is ridiculously offended that the sandwich only contains meat and cheese. In the words of a highly intelligent friend "what's next, a Big Mac where you have to hold the burger patties?" I just want to point out, this sandwich is only missing the buns. Just like the iPhone is only missing press buttons. No big deal.

However, the sandwich in its deep fried glory is only 540 calories. Only about a 1/4 of what a sedentary, old cat lady would have to eat per day to keep a constant weight.

Yes, you can find me munching on this is 60 years. Don't judge.

I'm sure the sodium and cholesterol is outta this world. However, overall the sandwich has done very little to cause such an outrage. Many diners across this world produce way more unhealthy things. Think about the eating contests that boast 3 lbs of meat per meal. No good sir, no good.

KFC will be done serving the Double Down in about 2 weeks. However, have no doubt that other fast food chains will come up with similar offerings. Arby's being last since they just recently introduced a "value" menu. Way to jump on the bandwagon like 4 years after every other fast food chain ever made a dollar menu. And like 18 months after the worse of the recession.

So in two years expect an Arby's sandwich consisting of only roastbeef, cheese and curly fries.

I AM SO HUNGRY.

Random

There is a theory of life being just random moments and memories that our brain connects together to form meaning.

I partially subscribe to this theory. Mostly because my life seems like random moments that come together to form something some people would call a life.

For instance:

Biking home from the grocery past 18 party busses full of assholes. Or soon to be drunk assholes. Random biker guy says at the stop light, "ya know if I had a helicopter with missiles, I would only shoot party buses." Amen sir, amen. Let's be awkward at the next light when we meet again. And such is life.

The boy that got me a new MacBook Pro (yea, after I write this I'm totally watching a tutorial on how a Mac works before I go to class). "Andrea, I've been in love with you since second grade." I replied in kind "I wasn't even born then." I was joking, but then we did the math and it was true. Who's the asshat now? And such is life.

This morning as I was fighting with myself about whether or not I was actually going to get up on my fourth snooze alarm and go to class, my cat started whining and was the catalyst of my shower. Running down the stairs late, I fed said cat, then realize I have a flat tire. About 30 minutes later my roommate couldn't find his wallet and we were both late for our respective obligations. Was it because we won't marry Jews? And such is life.

Why won't we marry Jews? Because we're not Jewish. There is nothing wrong with being Jewish. I have a lot of Jewish friends. In fact, one of my best friends is Jewish. But later in life, as a couple, you would have to attend certain events and decide where the kids will go to school and .... leads to problems and arguments. I want to avoid as many problems in life as I can. Therefore, I will also avoid marrying into the Muslim faith. What of it. And such is life.

When I was four, I pushed my little one-year-old brother on a swing and he hit his head on the supporting pole. Bled for hours. He got held back in kindergarden. My fault? Maybe. Probably not. He's fine now, going to Penn State in the fall. And such is life.

In art history we argued about whether or not this is art.

Is it? It's by an artist named Duchamp and it's called The Fountain, done right after WWI. No one knows who R. Mutt is. I would argue that it is, but had Duchamp signed his real name, it wouldn't be. But, where does this fit into the universe? In MY life, I should have been an art history major. But shit happens. And such is life.

Instead of working at a Mexican restaurant on Cindo de Mayo, I would much rather sip a beer on my stoop and contemplate this thing we call life with my three best friends. Guys, let's work on this.

Cheers.

Mi Amigo

I've been thinking about growing up lately.

No really, I've been thinking about the past 4 years that I've spent in Philly and all of the people I've met, worked with, partied with, and formed connections with. Literally, the past 4 years has been a huge growth experience that many people from my town never got because they haven't left the county since they were in high school. If I ever leave, I know I'll lose touch with a lot of people, but there are some I know will always be around...

My friend Dave came up this weekend. He lives in D.C. and is by far the most ridiculous person I know. Not bad ridiculous. Ridiculous as in - the MOST RIDICULOUS THINGS HAPPEN TO HIM EVER . Dave is a pretty normal guy, he's super nice and we get along great. Definitely someone I plan on keeping around forever because he has one unique talent that I need to learn - he makes partying productive and random. Oh, and he's the only person that will never say no to a good time. (Oh, and a BILLION other reasons).

I want to publish the ridiculous stories he tells me that (are super hard to believe but I know) are true. Alas, he would probably go to jail on about 25 different counts of things ranging from murder to grand theft auto to cartel running. In fact, last night as we were in the middle of a group of friends drinking, I heard him say something about finding a card. I immediately knew that he was the person I read a news article about where some dude.........see I have to stop here. Because I love Dave. And I don't want the cops bustin' down my door and force feeding me truth serum until I turn in someone who is harmless.

Moving on, I just got a new MacBook. It was delivered a few hours before Dave randomly decided to drive to Philly because he was supposed to move but then his landlord randomly decided to let him live rent free until August. SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THIS DUDE?!?!?!?! Luckily, Dave knows a lot about computers and hooked me up with stuff (what stuff, I have hardly a clue, but I pretty sure he's the reason I have any software). While he was doing this, we were partying like non-other. In fact, when my roommate got up to do the Broad Street Run (what a healthy asshat) he was amazed that we were both still up with Dave bent over both a PC and a Mac and me bent over a Cap't Morgan bottle......

What my roommate doesn't know is the one random (AND COMPLETELY LEGAL) thing that happened to us. So we were sitting on my stoop at 4:20 a.m. (okay, I may have lied about it being completely legal) and we're listening to the birds chirp, talking about Dave's antics and my blog and a publishing deal (we determined this will never happen due to the whole jail thing...maybe when the statue of limitations runs out on every crime ever committed...or when hell freezes over...or when pigs fly...). All of the sudden we hear a whizzzzz, PLOP! and see a bird that has just fallen out of a tree about 10 feet away from where we are sitting. I tell Dave we'll wait 10 minutes before we go over to take a picture just in case whatever killed this bird and made it fall out of the tree wants to eat it. We took a gazillion pictures.

Twenty minutes later the bird was gone. The sidewalk was clear of all corpses.

WTF.

The moral of me talking about Dave is that I had an entirely unproductive (but I have a laptop that works perfectly so semi-productive) weekend which included two trips to the liquor store, very little sleep, and Dave. If I was a crazy (oh, wait) I would be hating on myself for not getting stuff done. Luckily, I applied for a job today. Just one. But hello productivity!