There Are Only Stupid People

Last night at work, there was a group of dudes at the bar.  The bartender served them 2 drinks a piece.  After not receiving a tip, the bartender refused to serve them anymore.

"Yo man, why aren't you serving us?"
"I don't work for free."
"What do you mean?"
"I said, I don't work for free. You didn't pay me so I'm not going to do anymore work for you."
"But we gave you money for the drinks."
"Yea, and?"
"Oh, you want a tip?"
"Yes, that would be my rent."
"Okay, here's 10 bucks. But don't you get paid by the hour."
"Nope, and I'm still not serving you.  But thanks for the 10 bucks."

....if they had 6 drinks, the bill would've been at least $45, so $10 was probably sufficient.  But these guys come in all the time and never tip.  So they owe a minimum of $100 to be remotely back in the restaurant's good graces.

I heard this story and really wanted to talk to these guys.  Sure enough I got my chance.  The next time I went over to the computer to ring in a drink order...

"HEY GIRL. Can you make drinks?"
"I can, but I'm not allowed because I don't bartend here."
"Oh."
"Well guys, what's up?"
"He won't serve us.  You guys really don't get paid hourly?"
"No."
"Well he's the one who chose this job."
"Yes, but he's trying to get a job as a teacher.  He just graduated.  And the money's good when people follow the tradition tipping method."
"grumble grumble"
"Listen guys, you can choose not to tip, that's fine.  But we can also choose not to serve you.  So go somewhere else."

I walk over to a table to introduce myself, and on my way back over to the bar, these guys are leaving.  I see the one guy take a margarita I had rung in earlier off of the service bar.

"HEY! That's not your margarita!"
"Oh sorry.  Whose is it."
"It's mine, give it back."

I take the margarita from the asshat and they leave.  The next customer interaction involves the cops and a license plate number and an identification.  

They say there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.  Unfortunately, I think it's the majority.

Never as They Seem

I may not have learned much in life college but I have learned this - things are very rarely the way they seem to be.  I also learned this - never say never or always - that ensures a True/False question to be False.  Therefore the title of this blog is false.  There, one right on the test of life already.

There are two key things I want to leave this world doing.  One:  leaving a wake of good change.  Two:  when people remember me, I want them to feel good.  Once I was told it's not about what you do while you're alive, its about how you made people feel.  And I want people to laugh so hard they are crying when they remember me.

I feel as though I've been failing at both lately.  I know at least one person that would agree with me.

So, I'm doing a few things to help myself out.  (With all my helping people you would think I would've come up with this whole "help myself out" thing before.  Just. Not. That. Introspective.)

1. Hanging out with myself.
2. Starting/helping reunite TBC.

1.  People find this weird.  Why?  I'm not sure.  I simply go outside, sit in the sun, get a tan, write a little, stare off into space, and think about things.  Like....What if someone felt hot as cold and cold as hot.  So something really really hot felt like ice?  But, then what about something tepid?  Lukewarm?  OH WAIT.  What if the scale for feeling was BACKWARDS.  So that a gas stove burner felt a little cold, while something mildly hot felt super cold.  But then what about tepid things?  THE END OF THE WORLD?!?!  Space monkeys come down and rain havoc on the human race.  Their weapon of choice being water guns shooting lukewarm waterice from Mars?

I am well aware that people probably think I just made that up to be funny.  On the contrary, it was a real subject of contemplation.

2.  TBC - The Bitches Coalition.  I'm not so sure about the name, but it is definitely something that grabs people's attention.  For awhile now, Liz and I have been talking about starting a movement to help girls with self esteem and bitchiness issues.  For instance, every girl has something about their physical appearance that they don't like.  It's either the nose, the hair, the body, the feet...its something.  And so often it interferes too much with the normal day-to-day living.  Confidence, hating other girls based on looks, etc.  Do I need to explain the bitchiness issues?

Anyway, I was discussing this with a friend at work and she mentioned a club her friends used to have - TBC.  Some fun ideas later, she took the horse by the reins and now the project is going full steam ahead.  Let me know if you have any useful insight - also check out the blog.

One week of grad school is over, nine weeks to go.  Lots of work is ahead, so these two things are all I can handle on top of a ridiculous work schedule.

LET'S GO USA (futbol/soccer).  (In case you've been under a rock and haven't seen the chatter about the World Cup).

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

While at my brother's graduation, I got a little distracted.  Obviously...those ceremonies are long.  So I did something I haven't done in a long time...cloud watched!

While I didn't take a picture of the elephant cloud, I did take a picture of the balloons they released.

I also took a picture of the chipmunk that was mounted on the football field's goal post.  Seriously? WTF?

Later that week when we stopped to see my 90 year old grandma, we were greeted by the ugliest cat ever carrying around a chipmunk/squirrel thing like above.

My Grandma may be a little unsteady on her feet and suffer from dementia, but she has this uncanny knack for plants.  This uncanny knack brings an almost scary talent where she can simply look down, bend over, and pick up a four leaf clover.  No lie.

She couldn't see the graduation pictures on my 13 in MacBook, but she totally just spotted the 4 leaf clover.  

I did a lot of traveling during vacation.  My friend Dave drives a mini-van.  I'd like to make fun of it, but it's awesome.  However, it has the biggest hole in the rear wheel well I've ever noticed.

At my friend's graduation party, I was a tad bit nervous because I was getting drunk and her parents were present.  However, after her mother unveiled the extremely beautiful graduation cake and then proceeded to swipe a corner of it on a chair, so I stopped being nervous.

During the party Pogo and I went to go pick up some supplies.  We encountered two interesting things on the way.

Soymilk juice box like thing? Yes, please.

Who wouldn't go to a convenience store that had a sign that said "you are beautiful" and took Visa and Mastercard?  

Later in my vacation week, Liz and I went to Rittenhouse park.  We got coffee (I loved the napkins) and stared up at the sky.

I've been told I have a doppleganger in the city; someone people mistake as me and then later are like "WHY DID YOU IGNORE ME ON THE STREET" while I explain I was at work all day.  Even my best friends do this.

I've also seen my bicycle doppleganger and have been very happy that my bike is cooler (yes, I'm vain like that).  I've always wanted to stop and take a picture and I finally got the chance at the train station when I parked my bike super close to Clementine's doppleganger.  

(It's the orange one.  Clementine.  Get it?)

After vacation it is back to the grind of work.  Luckily, when my manager inevitably makes me cry I can go into the bathroom's second stall and look at some great graffiti.

Oh, the truth that lines the bathroom walls.

(Thanks Loretta).

And So It Begins

[Graphic Novella didn't happen, but it surely will this week.]

Grad school starts tomorrow, but really it starts today as I'm reading something called "The Well-Paid Receptionist."  It's hard to believe that we've completed four years of college and are now starting grad school.  By we, I mean Pogo and I.  (When you think of Pogo, think of Neil Patrick Harris as Barney).  This dynamic duo - we are "Team Awesome" - has been together since freshman year.  I don't remember how we became friends, but I do remember the first week of freshman year.  I was shy (& was severely self conscious) and this one kid was in ALL of my classes.  He didn't seem scared to talk to anyone and everyone seemed to like him.  I decided it would be advantageous to make friends with him.  So Team Awesome began.  And it opens up its' fifth chapter in ALL of the same graduate classes.

Right before our first graduation ceremony, I looked back on all of my facebook photos (since I was lucky enough to have fb when it was only granted to college students).  There is one picture of Pogo, Jack, and I standing over a laptop arguing about a business simulation called Mikes Bikes.  (My team totally won, bitches).  We look SO YOUNG.  And we've come so far.

That's the funny thing about time.  So much changes and so much stays the same.  I'm not worried about grad school because I have Team Awesome.  And I'm not worried about finding a job because college has more than prepared me.  I am worried about settling.  And becoming older.  And finding myself.  And all that.  And being motivated enough to finish grad school.

Because let's face it, the motivation runs thin and the apathy runs deep when you've been in school for the past 18 years of life.



I will try to bring the humor back next week!

[Since its Fathers' Day, I would also like to say thank you to my father, whom without I would have had no motivation to do anything productive with my life.  He will (hopefully) never read this, but I love him dearly, and most of the good things I do in my life are completely and totally because of him.  So, here's to you Dad, you've single-handedly made me a better person and have indirectly helped all of the people I've ever helped.  Thank you.]

Weak off

I have a week off.  So I'm taking it for all it's worth.  No blogging (until Saturday when I will compile a Graphic Novella).


Things I've done in my free time:


Drink. Drank. Drunk.


Turned 22.


Watched:
Big Bang Theory (5 stars)
Dear John (2 stars)
I Love You, Man (3.5 stars - super awkward)
Charlie Wilson's War (4 stars)


Got Twitter (Yoko Ono is following me!)


Biked. Everywhere.


Worked.


Went to graduations, dinners, and celebrations.


Cleaned.  And did laundry.


Ignored bill collectors' calls.


So, until Saturday...

Graphic Novella Time

Because I could not possibly relate to you in words what I am feeling right now...PICTURES!

I took a week off of work because I was too burnt out to continue without punching a lot of customers in the face, screaming "EFF YOU, I'M HUMAN TOO, AND I QUIT" and walking out.  After ordering a bunch of unwanted food for every single table in the restaurant.

Enuff said.

So I drowned my sorrows in shopping.  In the process I watched my lovely roommie Liz wrestle with a size 2 mannequin.

And then hosted a weekend of debauchery with my good friend David.  We had shots.  Lots and lots of shots. 

(HAPPY BIRTHDAY POGSTER!)

The next day, I got a call about an old car who had a flat.  Ah, Ford Probes.  What a lovely heap of junk.  It was my first car and I loved it dearly.  Got in lots of accidents.  However, my car looked much better than this one...probably because I got rid of it 4 years ago.

We stripped the nuts.  Just jack it up!  SO MANY EUPHEMISMS, SO LITTLE TIME.

So we made it a drinking game.  Another reason why I love West Phill-ay.

Later in the week, I soberly travelled home to witness my brother's graduation.  We were at the dinner table celebrating our family's 3 birthdays, 2 graduations, and Fathers' Day all at once.  Lots of opening of gifts.  My mother yelled at my little brother about leaving the price stickers on my older bro's present.  Then proceeded to hand out these gifts to her three children.

Note the present price sticker.  She frantically started ripping the gifts out of our hands to peel the stickers off, only for my smartass lil brother to point out the price was in Australian dollars, not USD.  (The reason the picture was so blurry was because I was fighting my 62 year-old mother off of me, after she knew the sticker was not in USD.  That's how opposed she is to price tags on gifts.)

Needless to say, it was one of those bust-a-gut times when you're not supposed to laugh, but you just have too.

Being in Central PA is kind of relaxing.  I forgot how much I missed having a car and blasting music.  And how much I love buying fresh food from the Amish.

Oh, and how much I love the cheap drugs stuff.

I hope you looked carefully at that picture.
If you didn't laugh, you didn't look carefully enough.

My time in Central PA comes to a premature end as we are all traveling back to Philly for my graduation Saturday.  So, until then, here is the token photograph of Nelly.  Playing/eating a piece of paper.  Not just once, she was going at it ALL WEEK LONG (twss?)!

I think it's safe to say she will never graduate from school.  But here is photographic evidence that the cat can eat my homework.

FIN.

Tattoos & Scars

Throughout our lives, we obtain injuries.  Some are mental, some are physical.  We all can trace the years through a series of scars all over our bodies.  We can also trace the years through the tender spots that surface throughout our psyches.

I can show you the huge gash on my shoulder from when I was four.  It must have bled like a geyser out of Yellowstone.  However, I cannot tell you how it got there, and neither can my mother.

Occasional panic attacks outline the after effects of a traumatic attack three years ago.

On my wrist, there is still a faint burn mark from the too hot plate of waffle fries I carried out to the patio for my dear friend Gilbert last year.

Ridiculous amounts of guilt still wash over me from years of being emotionally poked and prodded.

A scratch from my cat Nelly left a mark on the back of my hand.  It's not completely healed yet, but there  is a guaranteed 2-inch scar lurking.

All are scars that I bear continuously.  None I chose.  They all outline the way I have lived and what I have endured.  Happiness, sadness, friendships, bad decisions, and lost love.

You could even say I've been tattooed with them.

I've intentionally tattooed myself twice.  One every few years, to document my life, where I'm at, what I like.  At least I get to choose these.  And they're pretty.  I avoid visible areas to keep myself professional, but not because the world dictates it.  I want to hide them.  Reveal them when I feel necessary.  But they're always there for me.  And I control them.  Always.  There is some relief in that.

In the future there will be scars.  C-sections, surgeries, cuts, scraps, burns, stretch marks, broken bones, and countless episodes of hurt, despair, desire, lust, love, euphoria....But I can regret nothing because of healing.

Healing is a mandatory part of a scar, without it, a scar is just a huge, open, festering wound.  The healing process is something to be proud of.  Because without healing, you die.

So I regret nothing.  All the scars I can live with, because I cannot live without them.  They have become an integral part of my being.  The ones I have chosen, and the ones I haven't.

I just hope I can continue healing.

It's Summertime & The Living's Easy

Things I couldn’t flesh out into full entries:

The internet is ending.  No, seriously.  It is.  CNN said so.  In other news, the supply of fresh seawater and fresh oil is almost depleted.  They will now be mixed.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yoko Ono is usually blamed for the end of the Beatles.  My roommate Liz informs me that Yoko Ono did NOT make the Beatles break up because blah, blah, blah (sorry Liz, I didn’t pay attention, I was focusing on sangria).  However, had the Beatles not broken up when they did, they might be look back upon like the Backstreet Boys – some catchy songs but should’ve ended it while it was good.  Oh, wait. What did the Backstreet Boys sing again?

Since when did interviews get so intense?  I had to take a test.  It was like the third grader version of the GMATs but still!  At least it went fairly well, here’s to hoping!

Work has been super slow lately.  All the Penn kids have left and I am stuck with making $85 on a weeknight (excluding Friday) instead of $150.  I was extremely bored the entire time.  At least I got to watch the Flyers game Monday.  Oh, and write an Art History paper.   Oh, and play 14 rounds of hangman.  Oh, and eat a million and one donuts. 

Anyway….I didn’t bring a book to work Monday because I didn’t know who was managing and whether or not I would get in trouble.  I will not be making that mistake tonight though.  While I was buying my cap and gown ($100 by the way, WTF) I found “Waiter Rant” in the bargain bin.  HECK. YES.  So excited to read it.

And last but not least, let me add that this is my last week of undergraduate classes.  I’m rather torn up about it, as I usually am when leaving something so familiar.  Every year, my birthday falls during finals week.  Normally, I just celebrate and don’t study.  This year however, college has given me its first gift.

ALL of my finals fall directly on my birthday.  But, because I’m a graduating senior, I don’t have to take any of them. 

Dear University,

Thanks for removing the shaft as a final farewell & happy birthday gift by exempting graduating seniors from finals which all fall directly on my birthday.

Here's a check for $8,000 for my first term of grad school tuition.

xoxo,
Andrea

Beach this weekend??

Graphic Novella Ahora

Despite sitting through a three hour interview today and drinking entirely too much sangria, I bring you the second graphic novella.  Everyone I know is miserable right now.  It's the end of a college term with more classes to come.  Doesn't that just put a damper on everyone's mood?  It's SUMMER.  But it's so hot.  I changed outfits 4 times today.  And I'm still sweaty.  Sitting in my air conditioned room.  Because it's that muggy.  Thank you Philadelphia.

Everyone is miserable because we haven't figured our lives out yet, we feel stuck in an unfulfilling  life with futures that are neither what we expected or dreamed.  Will we ever be happy?

I'd be a lot happier if I didn't have to see this butt-crack at work before my 12 hour shift started.

Dude was just randomly on the phone outside my job, in the Grotto, which is where we all hang out and drink, do drugs, make phone calls and sit before our shift starts.  He moved immediately after I took the picture which caused my co-workers to say "did you get it?!" and being the creeper I am, of course I did!   God forbid anyone buys me a camera that does well with "action" shots.

Honestly, all I've done the past few days has been a lot of work and a lot of drinking.  Being completely unmotivated to finish my last few assignments, I've been making bad decisions.  Like...

Scooters is an absolutely legitimate bar.  I mean, c'mon, look at the wood paneling outside.  And "Ladies Night" $3 appletinis?  Absolutely high quality.  We only charge $2.25 for Ice Tea at my corporate joint after all, $3 probably buys Rohypnol too!  And I don't know who that Jay Rider is, but he probably doesn't expect a lot of ass at the end of the night or anything....

Let's just say, every "Ladies Night" I've gone to has ended in a puddle of puke in front of my stoop.  True. Story.

But I do enjoy drinks like this.

(Strawberry Mojito - Sava's - $4 - DELICIOUS.)

This.

(Long Island in far too large a glass.  Oscar's - Dive Bar - Center City Philly - Do you even have to pay for drinks at Oscars?  Definitely less than $5.)

And this.

Yum beer!  This is my kitchen manager at my general manager's going away party.  It was sad because nobody really liked the guy.  The KM offered to drive me and another co-worker "home".  The KM was in the middle of pointing out the hilarity of telling the lame manager we were leaving to go "home" when "home" meant 3 other bars, I pointed out the fact that he just passed a "Road Closed" sign.

Favorite quote ever:

"Well, I'm not drunk, but I would definitely get a DUI.  So...we're gonna go over the sidewalk instead of going in reverse."

That gets you a disapproval look.

After a night like that (and by that I mean a shot and beer at every stop and a loss of money and dignity) my stomach wants nothing more than greasy Chinese food.  And if it's veg, even better.

Seriously, look at that cabbage bowl.  Delicious.

And as always, we'll end with a Nelly snapshot.  Because my week really wouldn't be complete without her.

Cuteshit.

Have a good hump day!