Other People

Have you ever heard the phrase "they did THIS AWFUL THING..". Substitute anything after the word "they". Seriously. "They" fuck up EVERYTHING. Who is this elusive "they". Now, substitute "they" for people. Because that's who "they" are. People. Effin' people.

I've lived a very short life thus far, and as it goes on, these "they" people keep getting in the way. Everything from relationships to youtube videos to ruining good bars, "they" keep showing up and just messing up everything. I hate "they". They suck. Literally.

Unfortunately, "they" carry a lot of weight. Why follow your heart when "they" say it's wrong? I mean "they" are probably right - it's too much of a risk, no one else is doing it, you won't have fun, it's weird, "they" are cock blockers. The end.

So why do we put so much stock in what "they" say? Because "they" seems like the majority, even if it's only 5 people out of 100. Yea, the human race is dumb. I won't be the first or the last to say it.

Look at this image for a full minute.

Do you see anything weird about it? Does anything pop out?

"They" would say it's just the FedEx symbol.

But "they" didn't design the logo, and "they" don't see the hidden arrow that makes the FedEx logo fantastic. The arrow looks like FedEx is making progress, even though the human eye will skip over it multiple times. The subconscious knows and will tell the conscious.

Only not in so many words.

Have fun looking in the "hidden" meaning in everything for the next few days. Fuck "they". "They" can go dig their own graves and quietly go die.

Intervention!

One of my not-so-secret obsessions is bad television. Currently, instead of doing homework, I'm watching Teen Mom. One of the couples broke up and now the guy is trying to buy a candle from a saleslady for a "romantic" night to get her back. She asked him what he was gonna do for her and he said he was gonna go to the Cracker Barrel and get her meatloaf. Seriously?!?! Does anyone else LOL as loud as I do at this. Which is why I watch bad TV. Because I get to make fun of dumb people without feeling bad about it.

So, last night, a friend and I were watching Intervention. I've talked about Lyla before. She's the one whose fierce and scary and works at a tattoo shop. She's one of those people you need to have around you to add some edge to your I-like-to-sit-and-watch-TV-on-a-Friday-night life. Or she's my best friend and I keep her around because I love her. Or both. Back on topic...

I made dinner for Lyla (since I steal her food regularly) and brought chocolate martini mix over. While eating and drinking, not nearly as effed up as usual, we turned on our favorite show to get messed up and watch - Intervention. The subject was Robbie, a 30 something who was has been an alcoholic since his Emmy-nominated band broke up. Oh yeaaa. We settled back with our alcohol and got ready for the inevitable drama.

It was pretty standard for Intervention, until they mentioned what band he had started. City High!!!! OMG!!!! I used to listen to their hit song "What Would You Do" ALL the time in middle school. In fact, I still know all the words. Here is a reminder for those of you who have amnesia.

Love them. Anyway, he's been sober since Oct 10, 2009, for those of you who care.

Back to Teen Mom...The girl really liked the meatloaf and she decided to move back in with her boyfriend. Since she had nowhere else to go. Whomp whomp.

And another few hours wasted with bad television. Time for more mundane things. Like laundry and homework.

Test Taking

I'm actively taking a test right now. Or I should be. Wierd right? Remember when I wrote about my crazy econ professor? Well, he did it again.

The test was supposed to be 37 questions. He handed it out, told us to take it an return when the classroom clock (which varies from being 5-25 minutes slow OR fast) says 5 p.m. Well, it's 4:47 right now, and the classroom clock has not yet reached 4:30. I have a feeling that when we go back he's going to give us a short answer version, since the test I took had 42 multiple choices and he promised us some short answers, but whatever. He may have even written the questions on the board before we left. However, I don't really care to research them. I think I know enough to make it up. So....here I am, updating you on my life mid-test, or post-test, who knows?

Interesting side note: as a server, you wait on a lot of people. Some interesting, some dumb, some rude, some nice, some weird. Last night was interesting. There were two girls. For four hours they were drinking. For the next hour they were making out. And for the next hour they were crying. It was their first time - no lie. We overheard them, laughed at them, cut them off, and sent them on their way. They kept us entertained on a slow, slow night. Luckily they were in my section (although I was not waiting on them) so I got a front seat show.

We also had to call the cops on the same group of people we called the cops about last week. Last week, they didn't wanna pay the tax, this week, they just decided to skip out on $26 of the bill. If you ask them, we called the cops because they were black. If you ask us, we called the cops because $26 is $26 and it's called stealing. It was fun watching the cops and a mini-riot ensue. Later we met one of the cops at Wawa and he told us we should find a better system for dealing with these people because the restuarant has had its fair share of cop calls lately. We just shrugged. It's not that we aren't intelligent enough to come up with any solutions, it's that we just don't get paid enough to care.

The last people I had were a group of 15 Indians. Now, Indians generally tip 5%-10% and are a pain in the ass. These people had a 18% gratuity on their bill and not all of them were Indian, so I took them. It was midnight and I was tired, they were trashed, and I was busy doing other work (now that the lesbians were not distracting me). They were rude, rowdy, misbehaved, but not needy. However, they left a huge mess. And when I walked into my Economics class today, who sits there but one of the dudes who had 3 Lagers then tried to short me $2 on the bill. Awesome. I wonder if he recognizes me? Doubtful. Servers are (usually) anonymous.

Anyway, I'm finished for now. I'm going to aimlessly search the web until I have to go back, if I knew WHEN to go back, that'd be stellar. Since I'm too braindead to figure it out, I will wait until the rest of the class shows up at the LeBow computer lab and leave when they leave.

After all, if the herd runs off a cliff you follow them right?

UPDATE: When I got back to the classroom, the test was in fact, over. Like I suspected (due to the "GR:_____" line underneath the name line on the test) we were instructed to switch tests with the person in front of us. We did a peer-grading session and wrote the final total of correct questions at the top of the test.

Then, the crazy professor told us to look at the person's name whose paper we were grading. If they spelled their name right, we were to add seven points to their score. How did we know if they spelled their name right...it doesn't matter, seven points for everyone!!! With that and the curve he's gonna give us, I feel like I did pretty well. Not too shabby for not studying for a 300 level Economics course. Thank goodness.

My apologies

I may have posted on here, definitely on facebook, about a certain slut I saw with a "Girl On Top" add glossy kissy face here bag. Anyway, my apologies. While you still look like a slut, I see your cause. "Girl on Top" is a book by Nicole Miller.

"In Girl on Top, career expert Nicole Williams takes 20 tried-and-true dating rules you know (and have probably used) such as "Play Hard to Get" and "Don’t Give Away the Milk

for Free"—and shows you how to put them to use when the object of your affection is your job. With her ingenious approach—taking the tactics used to

land a man and applying them to your career—you’ll be able to handle any work situation and come out on top. Finally, the advice no one else has been willing to tell you, right at your

fingertips!" -Link

I have two classes with a girl that I saw had the bag too!! Since I was pretty sure she wasn't whore material, I asked her about it. Apparently this book is really good and provides great advice for women in the workforce. Quite frankly, it seems a little like Cosmo, and Cosmo does not give good sex advice. How do I know? Not from experience, thank goodness, only because I've jokingly read sections to guys who have been like "if a girl EVER did that to me, I'd take my penis and run far, far away." I'm not willing to risk my career on a reaction like that.

While I understand the concept behind the book and the slutty bags, I just want to point out one thing. If you Google "girl on top" like I had to for this post, these are your results.

Notice the second result is a girl asking for advice on Girl On Top positions and the third result...Cosmo's advice on the Reverse Cowgirl. [I'd like to take a minute and say, thank you Google for believing that I would want my first result to be a book rather than sex advice. Okay, moment over.] You're welcome for the warning that Cosmo's advice is terrible.

On a totally different note, I got an email today that made me snicker. I recently bought flea medication for my cat through PetMeds.com. Now, I understand customer service, and when companies make a good effort it makes me happy. That being said...here is a picture of my cat.

Or rather, a few. Just so you get a good idea.

She's soo cute. [Bitchface.]

And here is the email they sent me.

If they hadn't labeled the picture as "Nelly" I probably wouldn't have lol-ed.

Happy Friday! Don't forget to smile, and take a shot.

Passive-Aggresive

Urban dictionary, obviously the most well renowned and educated dictionary of all time, has two definitions for passive-aggressive.

One: Formerly associated with a particular psychological disorder stemming from years of percieved underappreciation and bitterness. A character flaw brought on by a person's inability to deal with their own bitterness, anger, or resentment in an assertive manner, thus, becoming a more passive form of hostility. See: petty, little bitch, worthless turd

Two: One who places an empty bowl of candy on the porch on Halloween.

Important Note: This is only considered spiteful, not passive-aggressive, unless the bowl is accompanied by a sign which reads, "Please take one"

I like the second one much better, but the first one provides an interesting basis for psychoanalysis [NOT addressed in this post.]

You know what really makes me angry? Take a simple Google search for "argentina macroeconomic and political stability." Weird topic - I know, but I have homework that must be done.

A great source comes up. So I click. It leads me to this page. Where it says: "Was $900.00, now $765.00! You Save $135 (15%)." Bum. Mer. But my real question was - if someone is actually thinking about purchasing the Argentina Business Forecast Report, wouldn't they be smart enough to know that they are saving 15%? Does the website just think that some shopping-addict will come across their site, see the big red 15% savings button and be like "ohhh yeaaa, I could REALLY use one of those reports"??

So am I going to pay for this report since it contains EVERYTHING I could POSSIBLY need for this dumb class I'm taking? No. Why? 1. I don't have $765. 2. If I had $765 I would probably spend it on beer. 3. The website makes me angry.

I'm passively-aggressively going to do another Google search while I scathingly write this blog instead.

Thoughts...

I couldn't flesh out into full entries...

You know those really annoying "I have a cause, who is paying me $15/hr to recruit people to sign up, and you should really stop and talk to me about it" people? Well, I met a really nice one today. I was on my way to Art History (sounds boring, but I totally love it) after a very tiring night at work. I chose to stop and get a large coffee, even though it made me late because I needed it. The guy legit raised his hand from half a block away and was like "HEY! How are you doing? Can you stop and talk about __ (insert animal rights or other random cause here) for a minute?" Normally these people are really effin annoying and won't leave you alone. But, I answered "sorry, I'm already five minutes late for class." Instead of a death glare or a "c'mon, please, doesn't world peace mean anything to you?!?!?!" he said "alright, have a good day!!!" It warmed my heart a little. But not enough so that I didn't purposefully avoid him on my way to my next class....

On another random waiting for class experience, I saw a girl with a tote bag. Not an uncommon appearance on campus. Usually they say "juicy couture" or "insert random sorority here" or "hoes before bros" or something. But this particular girl's bag said "Girls on Top" complete with a very fake, glossy kissy lips logo. Can you say slut? I mean, why advertise it? Obviously you're easy, and you're not that bad looking. I'm sure guys get the hint when you show up to parties in sub-zero degree weather with nothing but boots on. Really? At noon on a Tuesday? Okay, I get it. You make a 20 spot every night on the street. Hope that pays for Drexel for ya.

AT&T, you suck. I thought it was just my phone. But my roommate informs me that its the network. Well, suck my nonexistent balls. You should work all the time. You shouldn't decide what texts to send (unless it's a kind of drunk-o-meter) and you shouldn't decide when I only get to call 9-1-1 or when I get to call whomever I want. That should be my right under the 32nd Amendment. Unluckily for me, they haven't passed that yet.

I was also gonna post a re-crap of tonights Project Runway, but sadly it was disappointing. I can already pick out who will stay most of the time despite sucking due to their personality (gay guy from south, Chinese lady who is, said nicely, just plain weird) and who will get kicked out first. Later, I may re-crap it, but tonight, there's no point. As there is NO POINT in having a "Model of the Runway Show" as the models do not get judged and they are just used as places to model the artwork/fashion. I mean, just watch Project Runway and you know exactly who will be the final model. Simple, easy, and pointless. Thank you network television for something stupider than Snookie saying "that's SOOOO gross, it was like alive before you killed it."

And as everyone's IQ drops, I wish you a Happy Friday!!

Slavery

I have a professor that is mad. Mad as in insane, not as in angry. Professor Mullin. Or something. I could look up the spelling, but I'm feeling apathetic. Anyway, let me tell you about Professor Mullin.

The first day of class, we all knew he was odd. For example, the following happened while taking attendance:

Prof: Is Josh Daniels here?

Josh: Here.

Prof: Where you from Josh?

Josh: Upstate New York.

Prof: Where in upstate New York? (P.S. this was the 5th time we had gone through this same exact dialog)

Josh: Binghampton.

Prof: *Takes phone out of his pocket and glances at it*

Prof: I'll be right back, this might be your mom.

FIVE MINUTES LATER

Prof: Josh?

Josh: Yea?

Prof: It's okay, it wasn't your mom. Violet Gary, are you here?

Besides calling every female Susan and every male Jim, he has several other odd quirks. The way he talks to people could be considered offensive and very blunt. He always says "when I was a kid, back in 1890..." which probably only annoys me because he says it at least twelve times during one lecture. Prof Mullin also always comes in 7 minutes late and ends 3 minutes late, despite the stupid little Asian girl that never fails to poke her head in the door so she can be the first one to get a seat in the next class. (The first day, she did it twice.)

Anyway, I think I've painted a sufficient enough picture to come to the point of this blog post.

Today, Professor Mullin starts talking about slavery. Slavery is not the easiest subject to talk about. It's something a lot of people would like to forget about. It's like bringing up the holocaust in a German classroom. But I'm sure there's a pc way to do it. But I'm also sure that Professor Mullin isn't pc.

This is the way he introduced the topic: he points at the only black person in the classroom and goes "back when I was a kid, in the 1800s, how much of a person were you? 3/5s. And I could own you. And you, and you, and you, and you" as he points to everyone who is not Caucasian, including a girl who is probably Native American. That wasn't the end of the topic, but as the awkward set in, I chose instead to avert my eyes from something I considered of poor taste.

And what do I see with those averted eyes? The alumni nameplate on my desk. "Annette & Fred Crotchfelt III '65 '66.

Crotchfelt?!?! Really?!?! THE THIRD?!?! REALLY?!?!?! Does it look like I'm really laughing about slavery right now?!?! REALLY?!

And I thought MY last name was bad!

Permanent Marker

I passed the GMATs! Well, I didn't pass, but I got a high score - enough to get into grad school and perhaps get a scholarship! So, go me! Yay!

Onto the basis of this post. One of my very best friends works at a Tattoo Shop. Yea, like on L.A. Ink, only with real people that aren't real bitches. And she's about 10,983,029,834,837 times cooler than those reality TV "stars". Anywho, I went to go visit her one day for lunch as I had promised a few months ago. (Better late than never?) And, of course, hilarity ensued. Or, rather, craziness ensued, as is usually the case on the streets of great old Philadelphia. (As a side note: there is a tattoo parlor down the street. While my same friend was getting tattoo'd there a few years ago, we ran into a homeless person with a gorilla mask on, making money by posing with tourists kids. Go Philly.)

Let's call my awesome friend Lyla. Lyla works as the shop girl. She's answers the phones, gives price quotes, is a poster child for cute tattoos, and generally helps everyone out. When new customers go in, there's a likely chance they'll talk to her first. If they are intimidated by her, chances are they will also be intimidated by the large needles that will permanently ink their skin.

While we were standing outside a woman walks up to the shop. In order to save a cigarette, Lyla stops her before she walks in to talk to her about what she wants tattoo'd on her.

A little background on this woman: 6' 4", with three in heels on. Definitely either was a man, or still is. African-American, MAC makeup artist.

She wants a tattoo of her boyfriends name across her throat in 4-5 inch letters. Lyla explains that the artists won't generally tattoo something somewhere so visible unless the person already has visible tattoos and how maybe the woman wants it on her hand so its easier to cover up, just in case, God forbid, anything happens.

As we walk into the tattoo shop and grab one of the artists for a consult, the tranny mentions she also wants some cover up work done on two other tattoos and proceeds to show us the other two tattoos. Are you ready?!?!?! THEY WERE TWO OTHER DUDES NAMES IN HEARTS AND FLOWERS. Are you stupid??? Yes, yes you are.

After the price quote of around $400 was given for each tattoo, I'm sure the tranny will never return, but if she does, I fully expect Lyla to call me so I can come in and watch. And laugh. Luckily the tattoo shop is right next to a liquor store. Perfection.

You Know..

You know that you don't work in a real bar when someone asks for a Manhattan on the rocks, their server doesn't know what kind of liquor makes it, and the bartender doesn't know which glass to pour it in. The manager of the store wanted it in a 16 oz glass. Luckily, the bartender decided to pour it in a 4 oz glass.

The guy was happy when 10 minutes later the drink actually arrived in front of him. And he didn't complain, so I suppose the bartender got it right?

Winter Term

Yesterday was Monday, and unlike most of the students at this university, it was not my first day of classes. Today was. As I have a looming GMAT test to study furiously for, the thought of going to class is not nearly as appealing as it usually is. Although, when is class ever appealing?

One of my roommates, let's call him Joe, was home most of the day yesterday. His excuse? The first day of classes is just going over the syllabus anyway so why go? Good point sir. However, for me, going of the syllabus is the most important day of class. Why, you ask? Well you, here is my list of why the first day is the most important:

1. I can figure out which classes I can skip, and when
2. I'll know which classes will have exams and how hard they will be
3. Group projects are abundant in business, so now I know my group members
4. A paper copy of the syllabus is given out, which I will indeed probably not print and need to reference often
5. I can figure out which classes are going to be the most work
6. Is coffee going to be a mandatory requirement for this class?
7. Do I really need the book that costs $12,000
8. Do I need a laptop to keep from falling asleep and/or wanting to rip my eyes out
9. Is there an assignment due the second class? Probably.
10. Who is in what class that I can copy/ask help from
11. Is the professor mad? Intelligent? Absent? Funny? Monotone?
12. Will the classes end early

All this and more can be determined just from the first class. And to me, all of it is vital information because I am lazy. And to be lazy, you have to know what you're up against so at the end of the term, you're not scrambling around trying to figure out why you have C's and what the final is on.

So what I've deduced from my first day of classes:

Art History: No reason to take it, because I'm a business major, yet I think it will be interesting enough. The professor's name is Brushes. Hilarious. And easy. But attendance is required.

Management: Professor's okay and swears a lot. No computers, no phones, so sad. A lot of work, but minimal effort.

Econ: This professor is crazy, and there's a lot of work required. Probably gonna be the hardest class this term. Perfect.

Let's see what tomorrow holds.

A New Year, Yet Again

Well in the past few weeks, I've been to D.C. twice, NYC once (by accident), Central PA for more days than I care to remember, I've celebrated three holidays, been to 1.2 x 10^45 gillion parties/bars, studied for the GMATs, seen mummers for the first time, saw Srav and Mich twice (at least!), almost got assaulted by someone's ex-wife and a fur hag, took shots in front of cops, interviewed for a 'real person' job, acquired a lovely oscillating heater that is keeping me awful warm right now, and even gone to the gym (once).

A lot has happened. So what story shall I promulgate to ring in this new term full of procrastinating/distracting blog posts? Or should I write an anecdote full of wisdom and understanding?

I have no idea.

I’ve been saying that a lot lately.

Like when my friend messaged me a very interesting quote. I could not grasp it! It’s not like I’m unintelligent. I read things…sometimes… Heck, I’m studying for a graduate school entrance exam! I even noticed when The Nosh’s (36^th and Market) sign pointing to the entrance was spelled “enterence”.

Anyway, here is the quote.

“Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.”
William Butler Yeats

He told me I would understand in half an hour. That was like 7 hours ago. I even Googled the meaning. I have no idea.

What did I say the other night during a brown-out to offend my lovely roommate? I have no idea.

Like when my friend says “whaddya mean we’re on the bus to NYC instead of D.C.?” Well, I have no idea!! I got on the bus the ticket guy said was to D.C. which had a sign that said it was going to D.C. but clearly, we’ve been driving north through New Jersey (fu NJ, yea, I said it), and there’s a bridge with the beautiful Manhattan skyline behind it. Damn Asians and their affordable, but thoroughly unorganized transportation system.

Or like, when I was trying to explain how I wanted to go see the mummers. They’re men that dress up in drag, do a little jig called the mummer strut, get really plastered, and are in a parade! I have no idea, I just want to go see them and drink in the streets in front of cops. That’s all!

You get the picture. When do I have class tomorrow, I have NO idea. But, will I be in class tomorrow? Yes. Will I be writing a blog post because I can already foresee my 4 minute attention span kicking in. I have no idea, but I’d guess yes.