Let's Steal It!

There's a 50 year old lady in Germany. Well, there's probably a lot of 50 year old ladies in Germany, but there's one named Barbara Emme who works, excuse me, worked at a grocery store. The reason she was fired? Oh, well, after working there for 31 years, her employers thought she stole 1.30 Euros, or about $1.65. Not being able to trust her anymore, they fired her! I mean, on average, she stole a nickel (USD) a year from them! Shame shame.

Has capitalism gotten so bad in Germany that this could happen? The public is outraged and Emme is as popular as "Joe the Plumber" was in America during the elections late last year. I think Germany should learn a lesson from America and the lesson is this: it's okay to steal, lie, cheat, and generally act like an asshole!

For example, in West Philly, it is perfectly acceptable to steal things. This is because the cops are busy catching 15 year olds that murder 12 year olds. Anyone can steal bikes, cars, doorknobs, and anything lying out and about. Garbage picking is encouraged, even if the "garabage" is really just stuff that someone is moving into/out of a house! "Let's steal it" is a phrase uttered by college kids and ghetto-rats alike. Also, movies are great for educating youngsters about how cool it is to steal. Oceans 11? Great movie, and everyone wants to be Brad Pitt or George Clooney, two attractive men who steal millions of dollars for a living.

In America, it's okay to lie!! Just do it Germany. The most common lie in America?
Random drunk or homeless man: "Excuse me, do you have another cigarette?"
Liar: "Oh, no, I'm sorry, it's my last one."
Liar then fingers the newly opened cigarette pack in their pocket to ensure that it is still safe and intact as if the homelessperson could ESP steal it (because remember, it is okay to steal).
To train people to lie, you make them go to middle and high school. The most common lie there?
Snotty-nosed kid: "Can I have a piece of gum?"
Snotty-nosed kid: "Oh, sorry, I don't have anymore."
The irony, both of them have lied to each other before, depending on what happened in the lunchroom earlier in the day. And they will lie again, have no fear.
There is no punishment. Unless you get caught and the public hears about it and thinks its a big deal. Then you go to court. Where you cannot lie because then you'll go to jail no matter what.

Cheating! Germany, take note, it's okay to cheat! We have whole movies and TV shows dedicated to cheating. First, there is Cheaters. A show solely about catching other people cheat on their significant others, then laughing and teasing about the drama following the confrontation. This show is hilarious! What about Jerry Springer. (In Germany the name should be Jerry Springelmiester...that way people can still yell "JERRY JERRY JERRY"). You have pregnant kids that have kids already who want their baby daddy to stop sticking his dick in other gross holes and stuff. Then there are movies like "The Perfect Score" and "21" which are about cheating in life! SATs? No problem, just steal the answers to the test and you can get a perfect score! Need money? Count cards at a casino, you'll win every time!

See Germany, capitalism doesn't get out of hand if you still do things that are considered "bad" or "immoral". Actually, these things help balance the economy. The black market, the drug trade, the lying and cheating. It works out well for everyone! It's when everyone wears a suit, goes to an office, and sits in a cubicle and has a stick shoved up their rectum that things start to go wrong. All of the sudden, all these people think they are massively important. They want to get ahead. They start screwing the little people and start thinking money is everything. And then people get fired for allegedly stealing $1.65 after working for 31 years. No one's brain is exercised enough to slow down and think "now, why would someone who is near retirement and has never stolen before risk their job for $1.65."

Ponder America, Germany.

Happy Friday!! Check out the weekly Friday drinking game post at 2bird1blog!

A/The Sober Look

My friend came up with an idea last night. A blog called either "A Sober Look" or "The Sober Look" which would examine philosophical/any-other-topic ideas brought up and discussed while not sober and then rehashed when sober. (Pick which title you like better.) Jordy and Blake are the main characters, with guest appearances by their friends like Sasha and Jane.

The first topic of the blog would be about men fishing.

Blake's phone is ringing....
Blake: "Hello?"
Rufus: "Hey, are you guys still at Sasha's?"
Blake: "No."
Rufus: "Well what're you doing?"
Blake: "Just hanging out, going to bed very soon."
Rufus: "Alright, well, I have to get some more work done. I guess I should've known when I called that you guys were home already."
Blake: "Yea, its late, I'll talk to you later."

Jordy: "Have you ever noticed that men fish when they call girls? First they say, what're you doing? so that they can feel you out to see if they can be part of your plans. Then they slowly keep asking questions so that you give up more information and eventually end up inviting them along. It's a natural progression."

Jordy explained that it is an even clearer attempt at fishing when the guy says "Hey, what're you doing tonight?" No matter what the girl responds with, the guy will fish and fish for an invitation to come over until the end of the conversation. Blake was sure that all people fish in a conversation to a certain end. "Businesses call each other all the time and fish for information, not for sex!" So maybe everyone fishes.

When Jordy and Blake read A/The Sober Look, they will probably realize that they didn't sound too dumb, but they definetly are not as smart as they thought they were. But they are celebrating slow time, so at least they had time to sit down and think about life....and fishing.


You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans. -Ronald Reagan, 1981

Bang Bang Muthaf*cka

Did you know that the only days there are no professional games (in the USA) are the day before and the day after the MLB All-Star game? Yea, my oatmeal told me that this morning....I don't know why they put trivia on each individual package of raisin spice oatmeal, but I thought I'd share the vast wealth of knowledge.

Speaking of sharing a vast wealth of knowledge, isn't this kind of what the media is for? Then why is it when you see a FOX 29 news van right outside your house, you can't find the story on FOX 29 news? At least 8 cops cars and 50 yards of "Police Crime Scene: Do Not Cross" tape later, I was expecting something. ANYTHING. Maybe a reporter going "This just in" or "breaking news just in, someone blah blah blah :PICTURE OF MY HOUSE: blah blah." However, I had to wait until this morning when Philly.com came through and I will share the 2 sentences I know about what happened last night near my house: Someone got shot. They don't know who did it or where they are. [Also, a correction to the Philly.com article...it was on 3800 Spring Garden, not 3700. (In all seriousness, if you live in West Philly/Mantua just be careful.)] Of course the cops will never tell you that, even if you live in the neigborhood. All they can say is "its an ongoing investigation." There was no blood in the intersection this morning, I already checked.

Lastly, here comes the semi-serious part:

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. -Carl Sanberg

The above is a good quote. It really just says "be the master of your own destiny" I think...it just makes it more urgent. Everyone needs a swift boot in the, er, boot every once in awhile.

Be master of your petty annoyances and conserve your energies for the big, worthwhile things. It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out - it's the grain of sand in your shoe. -Robert Service

Good advice Robert. Sand in your shoe doesn't turn into pearls!

Serious Mondays.

A good friend suggested that I do a funny part of the post and a serious part of the post. This one is all serious. Because its Monday. And its hard to find the humor in Mondays.

Ask yourself the question "what is my purpose in life?" and you'll have to sit down and think about it for at least five minutes. But do you have five minutes of uninterrupted think time? Slow time so to say? Life moves by fast enough, if one takes the time to sit down and think every week, it goes much slower and I feel like you get more out of it.

My theory is that everyone should be forced to sit down and think about this question every year for at least an hour. Maybe it should be a form of taxes paid. Or maybe it should be a holiday from work! People in the ghetto are rarely asked this question. They are asked "theres a drug dealer on this corner, and a pimp on this one, which you gonna work for fool." What kind of future is that? Given no possibilities or time to think, people just do what comes naturally, or what is expected.

Maybe the world will adapt. There is a "slow food" movement already going across the country (think foodies and farmers markets). The reason slow food is catching on is because we can not possibly sustain ourselves with what we eat now. We need to start supporting local farmers and making our own food from scratch and building "victory gardens" etc. Maybe the "slow life" movement will catch on soon too, so that we can all live a full, slower, maybe better life. Just sit down and think about it. If you don't agree, fine, but at least you had 5 minutes of uninterrupted thinking time.

Here is an article about texting and how it will affect us in the future, if you'd like to read.

And also a new blog I found that will soon reside in the links portion...http://www.2birds1blog.com/
Update: go back in the archives to the first couple...idk how the newer stuff is!!

Prostitutes, Obama, Bill Gates, and $13,000

Think you've had a bad week? A German businessman went to the bathroom and lost 10,000 euros. He didn't flush them, or drop them, he just left them. A couple hours later when he realized he was about $13,000 (USD) short, he called in the loss. Well, the money grew legs and walked away. Whoops.

Obama made his first trip out of the country. He climbed into a wooden barrel, went over Niagara Falls, and landed in...CANADIA! Canada. This baffles me. Here is the conversation I picture went on.
Guy #1: "Obama will be a historic figure. His first trip out of the country could be epic, and it will always go down in history."
Guy #2: "In that case, we should probably make him go somewhere really really cool."
Debbie Downer: "Gentlemen, should he not go somewhere safe?"
Guy #2: "No, he's already been to that theatre where Lincoln was shot, he turned out fine!"
Guy #1: "Maybe she's right. He's not superman yet, that surgery hasn't been completed. He should go somewhere safe and friendly."
Guy #3: "Oh, well, that narrows our choices to Switzerland and Canada."
Debbie Downer: "Canada gives us cheap prescriptions and its closer to fly to. Plus, we are investigating Swiss Banks so and they make our health system look like shiznit so..."
Everyone together (singing): "O Canada, Our home and native land, true patriot love...."

VICE ENFORCEMENT'S TOP OFFENDERS: Police are taking unprecedented steps to keep prostitution offenders off the Strip WORKING GIRLS: Las Vegas' 50 most prolific prostitutes
Click above to see what hookers in Las Vegas really look like. I was under the impression that prostitution was legal in Vegas....how else would those virgins sell themselves on the internet without getting caught...but apparently it is not legal. These girls aren't actually bad-looking (some of them are).

Hi, I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC.....
We've all heard these commercials. We've all also heard Mac users rag on Microsoft, PCs, Bill Gates and pretty much everything that doesn't have a half-eaten apple on it. However, below (if it works) is a YouTube video that makes Bill Gates awesome. Just watch:

News Round Up

Latest News Headlines from CNN.com.

CNNMoney: Jobless claims hold at a high level
Sounds Like: People want unemployment (checks).
Probably Is: Unemployment is up more so than usual.
Holder: U.S. a 'nation of cowards' on talking race
Sounds Like: In the talking race, the U.S. is losing, mostly because of the cowardly lion.
Probably Is: Uhhh…(I looked this up) the U.S. is too cowardly to talk about race.
Brown: Holder's speech cuts through bull
Sounds Like: Words can cut, meat.
Probably Is: Someone, a politician, gave a speech cutting through the bullshit. I say bullshit!
Martin: NY Post's chimp cartoon is racist
Sounds Like: NY Post bought a chimp and he won’t stop calling the staff “a bunch of crackers”
Probably Is: Someone drew Obama in a political cartoon involving a chimp. Now people are mad.
iReport.com: Canadians offer Obama tips
Sounds Like: Obama gets free money!
Probably Is: Obama gets free advice.
Obama's left hook befuddles viewers
Sounds Like: Viewers of the boxing match were surprised to find that Obama can actually fight.
Probably Is: A chance to use the word “befuddled”.
Freshmen cast a huge and historic vote
Sounds Like: An MTV reality show.
Probably Is: Something to do with Congress that is probably important. (Actually, upon reading the highlights and first 2 paragraphs, I’ve decided that this article title is misleading, and nothing important really happened.)
Octuplets' family reportedly faces foreclosure
Sounds Like: 8 kids plus other people might lose house.
Probably Is: Crazy and her 14 children and 2 parents are losing house.
Tot mom's diary: I made the right decision
Sounds Like: Dear Diary, I am right, Love, Tot’s Mom.
Probably Is: Lady in jail for killing daughter wrote that she was justified in diary.
Records show man who froze paid bills late
Sounds Like: A shitty legacy to leave behind.
Probably Is: A 93 year old man died because they cut his power after his bills were paid late.
Reporter caught in shootout drops to belly Sounds Like: A new dance move.
Probably Is: Reporter used “duck and cover” technique while trying not to get shot.
Violence spins Mexico toward 'civil war'
Sounds Like: Mexico may have a “civil war”.
Probably Is: Mexico may have a civil war.
Fortune: Baseball battles the slump
Sounds Like: Baseball vs. The Slump, tune in tonight at 8 p.m. eastern time.
Probably Is: What sports are doing to earn more money to pay the ridiculous salaries of their players.
5 crying dolphins stuck in ice for 3 days
Sounds Like: Dolphins got caught in an ocean avalanche.
Probably Is: Horrible, but only because humans identify with dolphins. If it said “5 pigs get stuck in ice for 3 days”, people would be like “when’s dinner??”.
Armstrong's bicycle found, police say
Sounds Like: The dumbest thieves in the world left one of the most famous bikes in the world somewhere to be found.
Probably Is: See above.

Repeat Yourself, Repeat Yourself

The following paragraph is the start of a news article entitled: Sex, Spies, and Videotape.

TAIPEI (Reuters) - Four Taiwan civil servants filmed visiting hostess bars in neighboring China have been blackmailed into becoming spies for Beijing, the
government of the self-ruled island said Thursday.

So far you know that there are 4 Taiwanese people working as spies because of a videotape. That takes care of knowing what the title means. Now, here is the second paragraph.

Four civil servants on trips to China were filmed in hostess lounges and then blackmailed into becoming informants for Beijing, Taiwan Justice Ministry spokesman Luo Chi-wang said. He did not say what has happened to them since being uncovered.

I would just like to point out that the second paragraph is Luo Chi-wang's reading of the first paragraph.

7 Things a Guy's Bedroom Can Tell You (and why I think most of it is B.S. - that's right MSN.com, I'm calling you and everyone else out who publishes these generalized, overstated, and completely ridiculous articles).
1. An unmade bed. He might be a momma's boy. I say that maybe he is lazy, in a rush, a little messy, or maybe he just thinks that there's no point, since the bed is made to sleep in.
2. Signs of Life. He's nurturing. Okay, I'll accept that plants/fish are good. But maybe he just has that cat to torture?
3. Musically Minded. He's old school. Or he just likes music. Or he wants to look cool. Or it was his great-grandfather's guitar?
4. Man of Steel (the picture showed 5 lbs dumbbells). He likes his arms. 5 lbs dumbbells are not impressive. At all. If a guy really cares about how he looks, he will go to the gym. Or buy a bowflex.
5. Organizational issues? (picture of two chairs with clothes laying on them, neatly). He's not so anal. Okay, so there are some extra clothes. All this means is that whoever owns the room does not have a mental disorder called OCD. What if they just came out of the laundry and are going to be hung up soon? That wouldn't mean the guy was anal. It would just mean he's normal.
6. Photographic memories. He's sentimental. I think the issue here is it depends on what the pictures themselves contain. If they are all 5 ft x 5 ft pictures of an ex-girlfriend, he's probably still in love. If they are all 5x5 ft pictures of an Abercrombie and Fitch male model, he's probably gay?
7. Beyond the basics (picture carpeting with a design). He thinks of himself as an adult. Or his mommy/ex-girlfriend got it for him. Or it was free.

Don't worry, the same people that wrote that will give you advice on his man parts, when you should sleep with a significant other, and what men don't understand about women. Maybe men would understand women better if this crap didn't appear in every tween, teen, and women's magazine. It's repeated through out life to people that don't ever think it could not apply in every case.

"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered."
-Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, British dramatist & screenwriter (1937 - present)

Where'd the H Come From?

My very colorful boss said something yesterday that got me thinking. He used my Lord's name in vain, and like so many people do, he added an H. in between the Jesus and the Christ. Why is there an H? Well....Jesus Hominum Salvator, or Jesus, Savior of Man is often noted as IHS. It is noted such because Emperor Constantine, back in 312, before an important battle saw a vision of a cross and heard something along the lines of "you shall conquer under this sign" or, in Latin, "in hoc signo." Hence IHS. Or, Jesus H. Christ. Funny how most people that use it do not understand why.

Along the same line, what are antioxidants? No, really, what are they. Without googling it. Don't know? Then why would most Americans, who don't know what they are, spend an extra $1.50 on a drink that says "full of antioxidants"? The same reason why when grocery shopping with a good friend he said "buy this yogurt, it;s probiotic, do you know what that means? It means that its full of bacteria to help your digestive system!" I replied "why, I could buy that one that says 'probiotic' on it, or I could buy this generic one that costs $1.00 less." My friend was not satisfied about me making a worse choice for just a dollar. That is until I explained to him that yogurt by its very nature is probiotic. Yes, all yogurt is probiotic. That is yogurt. Yogurt is, will be, and always has been teeming with good bacteria to help you out. It is a marketing ploy. (Also, news for health nuts, all those products that say "all natural" on them...they're not all natural. The FDA has really loose guidelines for "all natural" so all that it means was that at one point in time, whatever you're putting into your body came out of the ground. And then probably was played with in a lab for a very very long time before you ate it.)

Paraskevidekatriaphobics would be a bad thing to be afflicted with today. It is a phobia of Friday the 13th. Which is...today! 8% of Americans suffer from paraskevidekatriaphobics.

LEGEND HAS IT: If 13 people sit down to dinner together, one will die within the year. The Turks so disliked the number 13 that it was practically expunged from heir vocabulary (Brewer, 1894). Many cities do not have a 13th Street or a 13th Avenue. Many buildings don't have a 13th floor. If you have 13 letters in your name, you will have the devil's luck (Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy and Albert De Salvo all have 13 letters in their names). There are 13 witches in a coven.

Other wierd things: there were 13 people at the Last Supper - the cruxifiction happened on a Friday. Thirteen used to represent femininity (which was bad back in the day) because it was believed that there were 13 mentral cycles in a year. In Pagan Rome, Friday was the execution day. Back in the day, Friday was known as the "witches sabbath". The witches used to celebrate their sabbath in the graveyard where their goddess came down and formed a perfect coven (which is comprised of 13 people).

On October 13, 1307, a day so infamous that Friday the 13th would become a synonym for ill fortune, officers of King Philip IV of France carried out mass arrests in a well-coordinated dawn raid that left several thousand Templars — knights, sergeants, priests, and serving brethren — in chains, charged with heresy, blasphemy, various obscenities, and homosexual practices. None of these charges was ever proven, even in France — and the Order was found innocent elsewhere — but in the seven years following the arrests, hundreds of Templars suffered excruciating tortures intended to force "confessions," and more than a hundred died under torture or were executed by burning at the stake.

Anyway, happy Friday! Whether it be the 13th or not!

2 Best Friends..who are NOT gay

Last night I was sitting between two guys who also happen to be some of my best friends. We were watching a movie. Then I wished that I had a gay best friend, or two. According to my Murphy's Law type of life, I of course said this out loud, realizing a second later that I just told my friends I wished they were gay. Which is of course NOT what I meant. But, I think they laughed? Maybe not. Regardless, there is a moral to this story. I dreamt last night that I almost lost someone I loved dearly. Valentines Day is coming up. I urge everyone to give valentines to their best friends. How often do we actually tell the people that are there for us day after day, night after night, the people we have the most fun with, the most experiences with, the people that are basically family, that we love them? Not often enough as far as I am concerned. Plus I think that if Valentines Day eventually turned into a "I love my friends and family" day, it would come with a lot less resentment every year (except for those people that have no friends and family, which in case, that would be sad and they could still drown their sorrows in wine and chocolate...which is what I plan to do, with a friend or two, this Valentines Day).

In other news, HIV may be almost curable. An American man who lives in Germany had a stem cell transplant two years ago to cure his leukemia (he also had HIV). The doctors purposefully chose stem cells that had some certain characteristic (see article) that made them HIV resistant almost - or something. The American man who lives in Germany is now HIV free after two years, I will assume he is also leukemia free. Yay!!

Finally, click here for a love story between two badly burned Koalas in Australia. Awww Koalas!

Yea, they look cute and cuddly, but they are like raccoons. Kinda nasty.

One more day til Friday!!!!!

But I don't know how to speak French!

And now for some real news. We are turning into France, quickly. By "we" I mean the "we" that was in the first word in the Declaration of Independence. This article explains pretty clearly what is going on in America today. Slowly but surely, America has been closing the gap of GDP spending and now it nearly matches a modern European state. Also, it has been proved time and time again that Americans distrust big government, but they still want the government to take care of them. This reeks of socialistic principles. I highly recommend reading the article, it's in easy language, not too business-y, promise.

Miss Piggy is from Iowa.
The first Kermit the Frog was made out of Jim Henson's mom's old coat and ping pong balls.
Oscar the Grouch's voice is based off of a cranky NYC taxi driver's.

If you are bored, go to http://www.jacksonpollock.org/ or http://www.fmylife.com/

Finally girls, here are 10 ways you can figure out that you are "just not that into him." Frankly, I think some of these are self evident, but here we go anyway.

1. Everything reminds you of him - in a bad way.
2. Little white lies are your new M.O.
3. You don't miss him. Ever.
4. He embarrasses you (you are mortified to introduce him to your parents - Tony, shoutout)
5. You think he's trying to hard.
6. You're are emotionally detached.
7. The sparks are non-existent
8. You begin to look for someone new, even though you are not free yourself.
9. You're not in the mood, ever.
10. You create drama, just to have something to talk about.

<3

Krispy Kreme Run!

Oxymoronic title, I know. There was however, a Krispy Kreme Run in NC or SC. Two miles to the Krispy Kreme Shoppe, and two miles back to the start/finish line. Catch is, the participants had to eat 12 donuts before they ran back. After much puking and diabetes jokes, some people made it back. Why would people do this? Well, it was/is a PR stunt to make running more popular as a sport. Did it work? I would say so, because I'm writing about it, which means I found out about it, which means that....whoever planned it was a marketing/PR genius!

Keeping with the food theme, if going for a Starbucks run, you can now get a breakfast combo (like Mickey D's, BK, Wendys, Dunkin Donuts, etc.).

With the $3.95 breakfast offer, customers will be able to get a 12-ounce coffee
with a breakfast sandwich or roll or a 12-ounce latte with either oatmeal or a
coffee cake.

All of this due to the economic turndown. Gotta find the silver lining folks.

Still keeping with the food theme, this was a headline this morning: FBI raids peanut butter plant. [Insert laughter here]. I think this would be a good starting point for a movie. Big, tough, FBI agents (people like Dan Aykroyd, Will Ferrell, or that guy from The Office...or maybe George Clooney and Brad Pitt) go on a super secret mission: the ominous peanut butter plant. I could write about the hilarity that would be sure to ensue, but use your imagination!

Finally, there was a milk-deliverer in England, 72 years old, who delivered not only milk, but cannabis to his elderly houses to ease their aches and pains. Police found 6 oz. in his delivery van. Thats a lot. Thats....about $1000 worth of the stuff. Anyway, he got off with no time. For now. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNN.

Clones and Avatars

Cloning is a huge issue. It is just one of those creepy moral subjects that I don't think everyone will ever agree on. However, there are these new studies that may make cloning a real possibility. And not animal cloning, but human cloning. They think they have finally broken down all of the technical barriers and can readily and easily clone humans. Right now, they are taking a person's cell and putting it into an egg. The egg makes the cell go back into embryonic state (like IVF/artificial insemination). The result is either a baby or at least a mass of cells that can be used as stem cells to help cure diseases. Interesting eh?

On some online sites, there are these things called Avatars. My only knowledge of avatars comes from a Law and Order: SVU episode where things get outta control. Basically, an avatar is you but online. There are worlds and things to do and people to meet, all without leaving your desk chair. These new online worlds provide anthropologists and sociologists new studies!!! They found that people display a lot of the same characteristics in real life as they do online. For example, if I ask you to come with me on 3 vacations, you'll say no. But if I ask you to just take a day trip with me you'll probably say yes. Especially if I ask you right after I ask about the 3 vacations. People are just more likely to say yes if a big demand is made and then a smaller one is made right after. Also, people are just as racist online as they are in real life. Whoops.

People are dumb. Especially this guy who made a 911 call then, while he was still on the phone with the police, made a drug deal. He was found with crack cocaine "in his pants". Ohhhhhhh man.

This guy has won 17 Grammys. Betcha never heard of him. Jimmy Sturr is up for his 18th Grammy if he wins this year in one of the categories no one's ever heard of. Polka music. Yep, polka. Willie Nelson and the guy that sings "The Devil Comes down to Georgia" (you know what I'm talking about) are big fans, as is Burt Reynolds. Of course mainstream media cuts out about 110 awards to independent artists/different categories. But they are there. Inneresting huh?

TGTIF.

To Catch a Predator

Anyone who is logging into MySpace today may have a problem. The problem would be that their profile is missing. MySpace kicked off 90,000 convicted sex offenders and deleted their profiles. I don't know what prevents those people from making another account, but MySpace is safe until at least 6 o'clock tonight.

Speaking of offenders, Micheal Phelps is still catching flak for smoking a bong. The headline "Sheriff: Did Phelps inhale?" was on CNN.com today. Apparently the country sheriff is insisting on investigating Phelps even though state police and university police promised not to press charges. The Sheriff cites not wanting to give celebrities an advantage. I say he just wants some publicity. (Maybe after he arrests Phelps he can ask for his autograph?) Also, in support of Phelps, some pot-smoking celebrities are speaking out against protesters. For instance, Whoopi Goldberg. Who knew.

In Yemen, girls can get married at age 8. For realz. Nujood Ali won an award last year from Glamour magazine for "Woman of the Year" even though she was just 10. She is the youngest person known to be divorced in the world. Her father arranged her marriage and you can read the story here.

And finally, some Chinese humor.

"In the face of the financial crisis, I have bravely stood up and am marching
forward! That's because ... I can't pay back my loans and the bank has
repossessed my car."

Because they are going through a bad economic time too, the Chinese humor has been booming. Mostly because anything said in Chinese can mean two different things. The following greetings have been banned by the government during the lunar new year season.

"Wealth is surging in"
"May you have everything you wished for"

Because the first one may sound like "lay-offs surging in" and the second one may sound like "Pay cut by 40%".

For the last joke, you need to know that there is no such thing as a $2 bill. Or in China there is no such thing as a 15 yuan note, or a 7 yuan note.

"Two people produce fake 15 yuan notes. They decide to go to a remote mountain area to spend it and buy a candied melon slice for 1 yuan. They burst into tears when they get two 7 yuan notes in change."

Yea.......I didn't think it was that funny either.

Happy Wednesday!!!!

Skydiving and Random News

A first time skydiver in South Carolina almost died. His instructor did die. Sometime right after they jumped off the plane the instructor just stopped responding. It's a freak accident that makes skydiving seem way scarier that it already seems. Luckily, the man who was a virgin skydiver is in the Army and had emergency training. So he calmly guided himself to the ground and started CPR on the already dead instructor. Needless to say, the Army private will not being going skydiving again. Will you?

If you get arrested in Tokyo you will no longer be able to smoke in interrogation rooms. Why? Well they are worried about "2nd hand smoke" only they are really worried about the officer "doing a favor" or "bribing" a suspect with a cigarette.



An Iraqi town made a monument to the shoe that was thrown at President Bush. The statue represents the comfort some Iraqis felt when Muntazer al-Zaidi threw his shoe at a visiting head-of-state (which is the charge he is sitting in jail because of). This monument is 6 ft high. It's a little redic.




Scrap metal is a big deal. You can get mad monies for recycling it. In Germany, someone was scrapping a safe, only it had $128,000 in it. Whoops. Money, it's really no good if you recycle it!

Srav sent this to me. Being a Drexel Student I had to post it. The link at the top will take you to the blog posting:

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Tenure and Senility Are A Winning Combination
Male professor, possibly age 75
Professor to attractive female student: "My you are beautiful and I do love your hair like that. Listen class, I am partial to girls. Women are here to look pretty. A girl should take care of herself and get dressed and do her hair--especially for my class. If you want an A in my course, you're a girl, and you read the assigned chapters before class."Professor continues to flirt with everything that moves and has breasts.Drexel University, Business Law 201
Overheard by a guy who isn't getting an A because he's a dude* Let's see if the department chair...or any Drexel Profs...read this blog. Seriously, if this is true it's time for Professor Happy to move to the farm in the country.
Posted by overheardinphilly at 2:37 PM

Super Bowl Monday

It was the "toke heard around the world" especially since there was a clip of it during one of the Super Bowl commercial breaks. Micheal Phelps got caught holding a bong and expertly partaking of the evil reefer. Now the only question is...will society forgive him, will his sponsors forgive him, and will the swimming world forgive him? Okay, three questions but the only one that is really important is the sponsors. (Read this really funny article here.) The real reason I think the world will forgive him is the following quote from Obama:

"I had discovered that it didn't make any difference whether you smoked reefer in the white classmate's sparkling new van, or in the dorm room of some brother you'd met down at the gym, or on the beach with a couple of Hawaiian kids who had dropped out of school and now spent most of their time looking for an excuse to brawl. ... You might just be bored, or alone. Everybody was welcome into the club of disaffection."

If Obama supports it, who won't?

Also lost in the moment of the Super Bowl is Punxsutawney Phil who saw his shadow this morning. For anyone who doesn't know, this groundhog from Hicksville, PA (there really is NOTHING in Punxsutawney) comes out the first Monday in February. If he sees his shadow, 6 more weeks of winter ensues, if he doesn't, winter is over! Well, he saw he shadow. Logic would say that we have 6 more weeks of winter but in my expert opinion and experience, Punxsutawney Phil is always wrong, so we can all kiss winter goodbye.

Some good news amidst the bad economy, the following jobs saw growth(!) in the past 2 quarters. (For all you non-business people, basically, since July more people have been hired into these fields and the salary has stayed competitive if not increased.)

Public Relations Manager
Purchasing Agent
Claims Adjuster, Examiner, Investigator, and Appraiser
Human Resources, training and labor relations specialist
Budget Analyst
Computer Programmer
Electrical and Electronic Engineer
Writer and Editor
Pharmacist
Audiologist
Private Detective and Investigator
Chef or Head Cook
Travel and Tour Guide
Recreation and Fitness Worker
Ground Maintenance Worker
Cashier
Telephone Operator
Hotel, Motel, and Resort Desk Clerk
Cargo and Freight Agent
Statistical Assistant
Computer, ATM, and Office Machine Repairer
Electric Motor, Power Tool and related items Repairer
Security and Fire Alarm Systems Installer
Telecommunications Line Installer and Repairer
Locksmiths and Safe Repairers

I love how most of these don't really require a college degree.

Happy Monday!