Phillies win!!!
PHILLIES WIN THE WORLD SERIES!!!
What a great time to be a Philadelphian. Twenty five (thats 25) years after the Sixers win the NBA Championship, the Phillies win the World Series. The curse of Billy Penn is broken. Philly is a champion town again.
And everyone's a champion.
Because all of the players said, its the crowd that is always there backing them up, that's been there backing them up for decades now. It's all of Philly.
Fireworks (tons of illegal fireworks), booze, and ridiculous partying was going on. And the cops didn't stop it unless it was damaging personal property. Go Philly!
The most serious injury was someone getting their foot run over by a car (probs a taxi). Just a couple of fractures (maybe they can use the clear tape to take an x-ray).
A couple of windows got busted, a couple of cars got flipped, and a few shoes got stolen. But otherwise, clean celebrating.
Way to go Philadelphia.
Congratulations to us all.
:)
(Wishful thinking: maybe everyone will be happy now and murder rates and people being jackasses will go down too.)
10.30.2008
10.28.2008
Homemade X-rays
All this time we've been going to the doctor's office, telling we need X-rays because our bones are visibly poking our skin, wishing that we could have bypassed the good ole Doc's prodding and poking because it doesn't take a medical degree to clearly see that something is very wrong. Unfortunately, X-ray machines are expensive, big, very dangerous, and people get paid like $40/hr just to read the x-rays, so it must be hard? It is easier just to home-remedy something like a headache or sore throat. I mean almost everyone has ibuprofen or whiskey sitting around.
But now we can make our own x-rays!!! (Kids: please do not try this at home - unless you really want to and have a vacuum). Apparently clear sticky tape can make its own x-rays. I've never done it, but the article says the if clear sticky tape is pulled off the roll fast enough it produces a spark of light. Well, if the tape is in a vacuum and is unrolled really quickly, it can produce enough x-rays to make the bones of the hand visible, when the hand is outside of the vacuum. That's a lot of potential home cancer/radiation poisoning making right there!
In other news:
It's raining in Philly.
The Phillies couldn't win last night because of the rain and postponment.
Skinheads are trying to kill Obama.
Philly/America hasn't gotten any safer.
People are still making fun of Sarah Palin.
Sounds about par for the course!
Happy Tuesday.
But now we can make our own x-rays!!! (Kids: please do not try this at home - unless you really want to and have a vacuum). Apparently clear sticky tape can make its own x-rays. I've never done it, but the article says the if clear sticky tape is pulled off the roll fast enough it produces a spark of light. Well, if the tape is in a vacuum and is unrolled really quickly, it can produce enough x-rays to make the bones of the hand visible, when the hand is outside of the vacuum. That's a lot of potential home cancer/radiation poisoning making right there!
In other news:
It's raining in Philly.
The Phillies couldn't win last night because of the rain and postponment.
Skinheads are trying to kill Obama.
Philly/America hasn't gotten any safer.
People are still making fun of Sarah Palin.
Sounds about par for the course!
Happy Tuesday.
10.27.2008
Pumpkins and Jack-o-lanterns
Riddle for today: What do you get when you take the circumference of a pumpkin and divide it by its diameter? (Answer at the end of the post)
Halloween is swiftly approaching. A night of ghoulish ghosts, wicked witches, creepy costumes, mysterious medians, and plump pumpkins, usually carved and lit up.
So, why do we celebrate Halloween and carve pumpkins (endangering all 10 digits+the fingers of little kids who like to carve pumpkins too)?
Well, we used to celebrate because it was the end of summer. The deceased used to come back and feel welcomed, and the evil was kept away by a multitude of tricks, including the jack-o-lantern. But, pumpkins are indigenous to America, so back-in-the-day, before America (yes, there was a time when "America" didn't exist), they carved lanterns out of gourds or turnips or potatos. Well, those must have been some smaaallll faces cuz turnips and potatoes don't get very big, and most gourds are just funny shapes (Srav: think kidney, after it hits the floor AND gets stepped on). Anyway, once the Native American's were taken care of, people found the pumpkin and decided to carve it.
Now, when picking a pumpkin, you wanna get a medium sized pumpkin that is orange. Der-der-der. Round or up and down. If you wanna get fancy, use a stencil! There is also a toolbox if you really want to be professional about it. It includes gutting spoons, knives, and grease pencils (almost the same as a deer-gutting toolkit?).
There are also ways to make the pumpkin stay better. These include lubing up the pumpkin after it is cut with Vaseline, and soaking it in water overnight.
The pumpkin will die however, as all things do, and what should you do with it after? Well to show love, respect, and devotion for a piece of fruit, you should bury it and say a short little eulogy like this:
We are gathered here to pay homage
to our dearly departed Jack O' Lanterns.
Through out there short lives our Halloween Pumpkins
have brought both us and our Trick or Treaters much joy.
We now consign them to the earth where they first came.
May They Rest in Peace
Come on. Seriously. It's just a pumpkin. Freakin' carve it and try not to cut off any fingers.
Riddle Answer:
Pumpkin Pi
Sounds delicious!
[Not quite as delicious as Pi Day tho ;)]
Halloween is swiftly approaching. A night of ghoulish ghosts, wicked witches, creepy costumes, mysterious medians, and plump pumpkins, usually carved and lit up.
So, why do we celebrate Halloween and carve pumpkins (endangering all 10 digits+the fingers of little kids who like to carve pumpkins too)?
Well, we used to celebrate because it was the end of summer. The deceased used to come back and feel welcomed, and the evil was kept away by a multitude of tricks, including the jack-o-lantern. But, pumpkins are indigenous to America, so back-in-the-day, before America (yes, there was a time when "America" didn't exist), they carved lanterns out of gourds or turnips or potatos. Well, those must have been some smaaallll faces cuz turnips and potatoes don't get very big, and most gourds are just funny shapes (Srav: think kidney, after it hits the floor AND gets stepped on). Anyway, once the Native American's were taken care of, people found the pumpkin and decided to carve it.
Now, when picking a pumpkin, you wanna get a medium sized pumpkin that is orange. Der-der-der. Round or up and down. If you wanna get fancy, use a stencil! There is also a toolbox if you really want to be professional about it. It includes gutting spoons, knives, and grease pencils (almost the same as a deer-gutting toolkit?).
There are also ways to make the pumpkin stay better. These include lubing up the pumpkin after it is cut with Vaseline, and soaking it in water overnight.
The pumpkin will die however, as all things do, and what should you do with it after? Well to show love, respect, and devotion for a piece of fruit, you should bury it and say a short little eulogy like this:
We are gathered here to pay homage
to our dearly departed Jack O' Lanterns.
Through out there short lives our Halloween Pumpkins
have brought both us and our Trick or Treaters much joy.
We now consign them to the earth where they first came.
May They Rest in Peace
Come on. Seriously. It's just a pumpkin. Freakin' carve it and try not to cut off any fingers.
Riddle Answer:
Pumpkin Pi
Sounds delicious!
[Not quite as delicious as Pi Day tho ;)]
10.23.2008
Down Sizing & Jail
Now that the majority of Americans realize they just "can't keep up with the Jones'" we are in a financial crisis. (It's called, don't buy what you can't afford in the long term). Anyway, mortgages are sky high, utilities are also expensive, and a lot of people cannot keep up with their homes. For example, while I love "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition", the show sometimes gets the people it's trying to help in trouble. A guy in Camden got his house rebuilt and it's gorgeous. But he can't pay for it, so he has to sell and move.
In a bold move to "get out of the rat race", people are downsizing. And when I say downsizing, I mean moving into tiny houses, on average about 100 square feet. The upside: $15 in utilities, $15,000 for the house, and some are movable and will plug into any campground. The downside: tiny, small, minute, almost microscopic. Apparently it's very freeing though.
So if people are downsizing houses, some people are going to live in jail for free. I mean, that HAS to be the reason. I see no other option for someone not to pay a $7.45 at a restuarant. Then when the cops show up and the 66 year old woman is faced with 60 days in jail + $500 fine, to STILL refuse to pay. Maybe her food was cold when it came out?
Then an 89 year old woman keep a boy's football because it kept landing in her yard. Dad called the cops, the cops arrested her. When called for a comment, the biddy was too busy to talk, as all of her friends were calling asking the same questions as the reporters.
In a bold move to "get out of the rat race", people are downsizing. And when I say downsizing, I mean moving into tiny houses, on average about 100 square feet. The upside: $15 in utilities, $15,000 for the house, and some are movable and will plug into any campground. The downside: tiny, small, minute, almost microscopic. Apparently it's very freeing though.
So if people are downsizing houses, some people are going to live in jail for free. I mean, that HAS to be the reason. I see no other option for someone not to pay a $7.45 at a restuarant. Then when the cops show up and the 66 year old woman is faced with 60 days in jail + $500 fine, to STILL refuse to pay. Maybe her food was cold when it came out?
Then an 89 year old woman keep a boy's football because it kept landing in her yard. Dad called the cops, the cops arrested her. When called for a comment, the biddy was too busy to talk, as all of her friends were calling asking the same questions as the reporters.
10.22.2008
Horses, Art, Bananas, and How Not to Catch the Flu
Jackson Pollock is one of the artists that I love...but I always have to questions whether his stuff is actually art. I mean, anyone could just splatter paint on a canvas, right? If I had thought of that, would I be a famous painter also?
If I'm skeptical about Jackson Pollock, I'm TOTALLY skeptical about this new artist that is tearin' up the scene. Cholla, a mix of a quarter horse and mustang, is an artist. He recently won some awards at art shows. He's a horse. A horse. Look at his artwork here. Surprisingly, some of it actually looks like the title. Others, just look like a horse with a paint brush in his mouth. I think his owners are claiming that because of evolution, horses are getting smarter. Uh, if that's really truly the case, maybe we should get smarter before horses take over the world.
Need to lose wieght? Go on the banana diet and you can look like this (DISCLAIMER: I totally got this off a reputable news site. Yes, THEY posted it first, I just had to share.):
If I'm skeptical about Jackson Pollock, I'm TOTALLY skeptical about this new artist that is tearin' up the scene. Cholla, a mix of a quarter horse and mustang, is an artist. He recently won some awards at art shows. He's a horse. A horse. Look at his artwork here. Surprisingly, some of it actually looks like the title. Others, just look like a horse with a paint brush in his mouth. I think his owners are claiming that because of evolution, horses are getting smarter. Uh, if that's really truly the case, maybe we should get smarter before horses take over the world.
Need to lose wieght? Go on the banana diet and you can look like this (DISCLAIMER: I totally got this off a reputable news site. Yes, THEY posted it first, I just had to share.):
Well...maybe not exactly like that. However, in Japan, there's a new diet fad (apparently those words are uttered quite frequently). So for now, Dole is trying to deal with a huge shortage of bananas in Japan because of the new Banana Diet. Banana's now cost 20% more because an actress lost 26 lbs. on this diet (and if anyone hasn't noticed, the majority of Asian people are quite skinny already).
How it works is you eat a banana at room temperature in the morning (it doesn't say why the banana has to be at room temp, but w/e). With the banana you have tepid water. Then for lunch and dinner eat whatever. Then you can have a snack. But you MUST go to bed before midnight. And, no desserts.
The banana fad will probably only last a month or so more. In the past couple of decades, the following have also been popular: black tea fungus, oolong tea and konnyaku, baby formula, banana and boiled egg, apple, nata de coco, cocoa and chili pepper, black vinegar, carrot juice, soy milk, beer yeast and toasted soybean flour (kinako), and fermented soybean (natto). Gross.
No one wants to catch the flu. Thanks to a chain email forward (because everyone knows that those are a source of truth: quick, pass this on to 50 of your friends or you'll have bad luck for 40 years!) I know all that I need to do to stay healthy this winter.
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. 'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' Pointing to the bowl. 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'
Now all I need is the organ.
Happy hump day.
10.21.2008
Tuesday News Roundup
Another Tuesday brings another round of news titles from Cnn.com. What they make the article sound like, and what the article probably is about.
Latest News:
Poll finds Americans angry, worried
Sounds Like: “We vent o’re to Ame’ica and de vere depressed.”
Sounds Like: “We vent o’re to Ame’ica and de vere depressed.”
Probably Is: Describes most of the world – but America’s deserves the center of attention
CNNMoney: Stocks poised for tough start
Sounds Like: Stocks, racer in Indy 500, faces a tough start today for the World Championship
CNNMoney: Stocks poised for tough start
Sounds Like: Stocks, racer in Indy 500, faces a tough start today for the World Championship
Probably Is: Wall Street up in arms again
CNNMoney: Stimulus talk picks up -- but how?
Sounds Like: I mean, they decided to play Quaker meeting, so how are they talking about it? Did they all lose?
CNNMoney: Stimulus talk picks up -- but how?
Sounds Like: I mean, they decided to play Quaker meeting, so how are they talking about it? Did they all lose?
Probably Is: Some reporter amazed that talks about how to fix the economy are in progress?
Ousted Thai leader guilty of corruption
Sounds Like: Thailand (or Tie-dye-land, as it is formally called) threw a coup and found corruption
Ousted Thai leader guilty of corruption
Sounds Like: Thailand (or Tie-dye-land, as it is formally called) threw a coup and found corruption
Probably Is: Corruption. In a government. No. Freakin. Way.
Nevada boy's abduction brings 2nd arrest
Sounds Like: Nevada boy, Nevada’s own superhero, was kidnapped by 2 evil spawns
Nevada boy's abduction brings 2nd arrest
Sounds Like: Nevada boy, Nevada’s own superhero, was kidnapped by 2 evil spawns
Probably Is: A boy from Nevada kidnapped – it took 2 people.
Protesters try to block Palin's car
Sounds Like: “Yo man, we don’t like Sarah Palin. She only likes the North Pole. Lets throw blocks at her car.”
Protesters try to block Palin's car
Sounds Like: “Yo man, we don’t like Sarah Palin. She only likes the North Pole. Lets throw blocks at her car.”
Probably Is: “Yo man, I bet if we stand in front of Palin’s car and don’t let her or the Secret Service move, it will convince a lot of people to vote against McCain-Palin for…uhhhh….ummmm…whats-his-face?”
Obama will leave trail to visit ailing grandmother
Sounds Like: Leaving the formally unchartered Alaskan wilderness frontier, lead expeditioner Obama visits dying grandmother.
Obama will leave trail to visit ailing grandmother
Sounds Like: Leaving the formally unchartered Alaskan wilderness frontier, lead expeditioner Obama visits dying grandmother.
Probably Is: Obama’s granny is dying. That’s really sad no matter who you are :(.
Ticker: Palin has new nickname for Obama
Sounds Like: Caribou Barbie has new nickname for “Barack the Wealthy Spender”
Ticker: Palin has new nickname for Obama
Sounds Like: Caribou Barbie has new nickname for “Barack the Wealthy Spender”
Probably Is: GOP – you guys HAVE to work on your nicknames. Caribou Barbie sticks SOOO much better than “Barack the Wealthy Spender”
Brown: Candidates too cagey on health records
Sounds Like: Candidates erect cages around health records, may fight in them later.
Brown: Candidates too cagey on health records
Sounds Like: Candidates erect cages around health records, may fight in them later.
Probably Is: Obama and McCain are too “Wary, careful, shrewd; uncommunicative; unwilling or hesitant to give information” on health records
Voters say their parties were switched
Sounds Like: The GOP & the Dems reserved rooms, paperwork got f-ed up, attendees showed up to WRONG party…oh my!
Voters say their parties were switched
Sounds Like: The GOP & the Dems reserved rooms, paperwork got f-ed up, attendees showed up to WRONG party…oh my!
Probably Is: Voter fraud? Someone in the GOP got smart.
iReport.com: Send your questions for McCain
Sounds Like: McCain is taking unfiltered questions
iReport.com: Send your questions for McCain
Sounds Like: McCain is taking unfiltered questions
Probably Is: McCain’s PR guy is taking filtered questions
Stunt cyclist helps cops convict him
Sounds Like: Stunt cyclist puts on own handcuffs
Stunt cyclist helps cops convict him
Sounds Like: Stunt cyclist puts on own handcuffs
Probably Is: Stunt cyclists ask cops if they have seen his video on YouTube. Well they hadn’t, but once they had…
Greg Brady dishes on Marcia, romance
Sounds Like: The Brady Bunch is giving us the scoop on Marcia new romance
Greg Brady dishes on Marcia, romance
Sounds Like: The Brady Bunch is giving us the scoop on Marcia new romance
Probably Is: Uhhhhh….
CNN Hero of the Year: Vote now
Sounds Like: You can be the CNN Hero, just go vote
CNN Hero of the Year: Vote now
Sounds Like: You can be the CNN Hero, just go vote
Probably Is: Vote for the people who are obviously better than you for Hero of the Year
CNN Wire: ‘Sex on beach’ couple free on...
Sounds Like: Porno stars in “Sex on Beach” free
Probably Is: A couple had sex on the beach…and got caught…and then went free
Unhappy STD news? Send an e-card
Sounds Like: Got an STD? Tell your partner through and e-card.
Probably Is: Got an STD? Tell your partner through and e-card. HILARIOUS.
CNN Wire: ‘Sex on beach’ couple free on...
Sounds Like: Porno stars in “Sex on Beach” free
Probably Is: A couple had sex on the beach…and got caught…and then went free
Unhappy STD news? Send an e-card
Sounds Like: Got an STD? Tell your partner through and e-card.
Probably Is: Got an STD? Tell your partner through and e-card. HILARIOUS.
I HAD to look the last one up. Here's a picture...
10.19.2008
Air Pump Shoes
Yea, you all remember them.
They were cool.
They were the "thing".
They were shoes you could pump up with air.
Well...guess what...THEY STILL EXIST!
Well...guess what...THEY STILL EXIST!
When I was little, I thought they were the coolest things ever. I didn't even know what they did...until about 5 minutes ago. The whole point of the pump was to blow up the tongue, so they stayed, like, I guess, conformed to your feet. Well, they're making a comeback and here are the 2009 versions, available from Reebok (the orginal inventor) soon. Here's a picture, in case you want them.
Oh yea, my next purchase, will be these shoes.
In other news, Jocelyn Kirsh, who attended Drexel University and got caught stealing people's identities is claiming that she had a troubled childhood and basically her life sucked. Her dad gave her (and by gave, I mean, he actually did the procedure) fake boobs and a nose job for her birthday. Her mom left her, and her brother was abusive. Cool, so they shaved 10 months off her sentence which is around 70 months or about 5.8 years.
Also, Palin appeared on SNL. Her and Tina Fey do look really similar. (i.e. while I didn't see it, it sounded like a let down. it's hard to make fun of people who are right in front of you, and see them cry.)
Sexual assault seems to be more prevalent nowadays as a Drexel kid got "inappropriately touched" in a Olde City cab and some woman just got raped in broad daylight at 6th and Girard. Girard is such a pleasant street these days.
The good news is there is still hope when you're 88 years old. This old "spitfire" waitress is still going strong and apparently customers come in just to see her in NYC.
See it's okay to speak your mind.
Have a wonderful Monday.
10.17.2008
Fridays
I looked up the day Friday, because it's Friday, and its hard to find motivation to do much of anything besides lay in bed, then go out later.
Well Wikipedia has a lot to say about Fridays. More than I cared to know:
Yo, I'm getting "friday'd" up later! That term is almost like "barthed up", only being barthed up is so much better! The only other thing I like is that Friday is associated with "quashed dreams". That's because when you get up on Friday morning for work, your dreams of staying in bed are quashed. (Sidebar: quashed is a funny word - maybe I'll go out and get "quashed" tonight!)
In other news, if I could be anyone I'd be Warren Buffet. Thank GOODNESS someone finally said something. He's buying stocks. Because he's smart, and not dumb. Buy now, while the prices are low. It'll be worth it in about 5 years!
Also, Sarah Palin - the real Sarah Palin - will be on SNL this weekend. It's bound to be pretty hilarious - especially if her and Tina Fey do a twin routine.
Happy Friday everyone, congrats on getting through another looonnnnng week.
Well Wikipedia has a lot to say about Fridays. More than I cared to know:
Friday (pronunciation IPA: /ˈfraɪdeɪ,
ˈfraɪdi/) is the day of the week falling between Thursday and Saturday. It is
the sixth day in countries that adopt a Sunday-first convention. In ISO 8601, in
work-based customs, and in countries adopting Monday-first conventions, it is
the fifth day of the week. (See Days of the week for
more on the different conventions.)
In most countries with a five-day work
week, Friday is the last workday before the weekend and is, therefore, viewed as
a cause for celebration or relief. In some offices, employees are allowed to
wear less formal attire on Fridays, known as Casual Friday or
Dress-Down Friday. In Saudi Arabia & Iran, however, Friday is the last
day of the weekend and Saturday is the first workday. Moreover, in some
countries, Friday is the first day of the weekend, and Sunday is the first
workday. Friday is also used as a substitute for "drunk, or drinking". For
example a "Friday" Party would be one that has alcohol. Or a person that "was
friday'd" would be somebody that was drunk.
In astrology Friday is connected
with the planet Venus. This associates Friday with
love, peace, and relaxation, as well as with emotional intensity and quashed
dreams. It is also connected with the Astrological signs Libra and Taurus.
Yo, I'm getting "friday'd" up later! That term is almost like "barthed up", only being barthed up is so much better! The only other thing I like is that Friday is associated with "quashed dreams". That's because when you get up on Friday morning for work, your dreams of staying in bed are quashed. (Sidebar: quashed is a funny word - maybe I'll go out and get "quashed" tonight!)
In other news, if I could be anyone I'd be Warren Buffet. Thank GOODNESS someone finally said something. He's buying stocks. Because he's smart, and not dumb. Buy now, while the prices are low. It'll be worth it in about 5 years!
Also, Sarah Palin - the real Sarah Palin - will be on SNL this weekend. It's bound to be pretty hilarious - especially if her and Tina Fey do a twin routine.
Happy Friday everyone, congrats on getting through another looonnnnng week.
10.16.2008
America's Pastime, Phillies, World Series
Should we put a Phillies cap on Billy Penn?
Baseball is America's pastime. I mean, besides drinking, driving, consuming, and eating. Why is baseball America's sport?
Well, according to a couple of sources, it mirrors the values of America:
Baseball is America's pastime. I mean, besides drinking, driving, consuming, and eating. Why is baseball America's sport?
Well, according to a couple of sources, it mirrors the values of America:
Baseball seems to embody many of the values coming to dominate an urbanized
and industrialized America. A number of scholars have suggested that baseball
may be perceived as a sort of mirror in which values, power, politics, fashion,
class, economics, and race may be viewed in microcosm. In his study of A. G. Spalding and the rise of professional baseball in the late nineteenth century,
Peter Levine argues that the creation of professional baseball leagues reflected
the professionalization of American culture which occurred throughout the nation
as more white middle class reformers sought to impose some order upon the chaos
of industrialization, immigration, and urbanization. However, in his work on
baseball in the Progressive Era, Steven A. Riess asserts that while Progressives
may have regarded baseball as "the epitome of the finest American beliefs,
traditions, and values," the men who actually controlled the major leagues were
often more like machine politicians with profit motives.
So...race, economics, power, politics, gettin' down and dirty - baseball covers them all!!! No wonder its awesome.
So anyway, the Phillies are going to the World Series!! People were partying like there's no work tomorrow. Mobs in the street, like New Years. And for a good reason too, Philadelphia has had no champions for 25 years. Thats like a quarter of a century.
So do we adorn Billy Penn with Phillie regalia?
DON'T DO IT MAYOR NUTTER, DON'T DO IT.
Wanna know why?
Because. One Liberty Place is higher than Billy Penn, and he didn't like his view blocked. It didn't help either when he wore sports jerseys before. He HATES his view being blocked. But, now that theres a Billy Penn on top of the Comcast Building, Phillies are in the World Series. And they might just win it. So, why jinx it? I mean, come on, since Billy on the Comcast Center was up, Philly Soul won the indoor football Championship. If the Phillies win the World Series, Billy Penn might finally be happy.
I don't even really like baseball (and I have to root for the Yankees - New Yorker), but GO PHILS!!!
10.15.2008
Most Searched
When I get famous, people are going to search for me on the internet.....
Well maybe not, but it is very interesting to see what people DO search for.
On Google, the top 20 for today is as follows:
1. 53
2. won jeong hwa
3. waterboarding
4. david alan grier
5. celiac disease
6. national grouch day
7. hurricane omar
8. mata hari
9. lexicon of power
10. wow patch 3.0.2 download
11. madonna divorce
12. cambodia news
13. myspace login
14. boss day
15. petopia
16. amy sedaris
17. chipotle
18. alex rodriguez
19. ps3 update 2.50
20. 1920s
I wanted to see what was the most searched when I was born, but unfortunately Google's founders were too young then and didn't make it til later. So, I decided just to do it a year ago (mostly because it was too much work to go the whole way back to five years ago).
October 15, 2007
1. birkin bag
2. steve pederson
3. washington monthly
4. paget brewster
5. impact jacket
6. ketv
7. kipp schools
8. jane carrey
9. lincoln journal star
10. yo baby yogurt
11. jason ray
12. big moe
13. fox business channel
14. vietnamese attire
15. susie scott krabacher
16. baby jessica
17. 1620 the zone
18. angelman syndrome
19. wowt
20. omaha world herald
Well, that's interesting. What was going on a year ago today that people wanted to look up yo baby yogurt and ketv?
Even more interesting is the top 10 for other websites and how they compare to Google searches.
Well maybe not, but it is very interesting to see what people DO search for.
On Google, the top 20 for today is as follows:
1. 53
2. won jeong hwa
3. waterboarding
4. david alan grier
5. celiac disease
6. national grouch day
7. hurricane omar
8. mata hari
9. lexicon of power
10. wow patch 3.0.2 download
11. madonna divorce
12. cambodia news
13. myspace login
14. boss day
15. petopia
16. amy sedaris
17. chipotle
18. alex rodriguez
19. ps3 update 2.50
20. 1920s
I wanted to see what was the most searched when I was born, but unfortunately Google's founders were too young then and didn't make it til later. So, I decided just to do it a year ago (mostly because it was too much work to go the whole way back to five years ago).
October 15, 2007
1. birkin bag
2. steve pederson
3. washington monthly
4. paget brewster
5. impact jacket
6. ketv
7. kipp schools
8. jane carrey
9. lincoln journal star
10. yo baby yogurt
11. jason ray
12. big moe
13. fox business channel
14. vietnamese attire
15. susie scott krabacher
16. baby jessica
17. 1620 the zone
18. angelman syndrome
19. wowt
20. omaha world herald
Well, that's interesting. What was going on a year ago today that people wanted to look up yo baby yogurt and ketv?
Even more interesting is the top 10 for other websites and how they compare to Google searches.
These are the top 10 searches for Ask.com.
MySpace
YouTube
Facebook
Distance
e-Mail
Skin Rash Pictures
Side effects
Craigslist
Online Dictionary
Sarah Palin
Obviously people who use Google are more sophisticated. I mean, don't the majority of people that use Ask.com KNOW that you can just type in facebook.com and get there? Of course, these are the same people looking up skin rash pictures, so you never know.
10.14.2008
Office Playground Toys
My theory is that kids at heart really never grow up. My theory is only confirmed by all of the things one can do in an office to entertain themselves. For example...
There are these things called "rubber fingers" and they are basically thimbles so that it is easier to page through lots of papers. Well, if you use that as a rock, and a rubberband as a slingshot, those suckers FLY!
Post-it notes are great fun too! You can leave them anywhere and write anything on them. Think about covering a bathroom mirror, a desk, a chair, computer monitor, phone receiver, or anything with post-it notes as a practical joke.
Inter-office mail. Now, you can have a lot of fun with this one. Take someones computer mouse or stapler or something and interoffice mail it to them. It'll take a couple of days and they'll never know who sent it...unless the jokster can't help but laugh hysterically when they see their co-worker's face.
The coffee room. PERFECT playground. Besides all the cool stuff you can do with food in there, think about the potential for tricks. Poking holes in the bottom of Styrofoam cups. Putting dish soap in the bottom of a coffeemaker.
The parking lot. Oh, yea. Another pretty awesome playground. You can get a game of soccer, whiffle ball, or tape ball (made from the office tape of course) going during lunch or "smoke" breaks. You can also get some good car tricks in here. Saran wrap, pudding, gooey stuff...toilet paper!
Oh, and there are other ways to get by at work. My friend told me a story about what her friend does to nap. Close the office door and lay down on the floor with like one body part touching the door. Spread paper clips all over the floor. Then, when the door opens, she felt it with her arm and was quick like "shit, I dropped all these paper clips".
Oh the things that can be done at work...
There are these things called "rubber fingers" and they are basically thimbles so that it is easier to page through lots of papers. Well, if you use that as a rock, and a rubberband as a slingshot, those suckers FLY!
Post-it notes are great fun too! You can leave them anywhere and write anything on them. Think about covering a bathroom mirror, a desk, a chair, computer monitor, phone receiver, or anything with post-it notes as a practical joke.
Inter-office mail. Now, you can have a lot of fun with this one. Take someones computer mouse or stapler or something and interoffice mail it to them. It'll take a couple of days and they'll never know who sent it...unless the jokster can't help but laugh hysterically when they see their co-worker's face.
The coffee room. PERFECT playground. Besides all the cool stuff you can do with food in there, think about the potential for tricks. Poking holes in the bottom of Styrofoam cups. Putting dish soap in the bottom of a coffeemaker.
The parking lot. Oh, yea. Another pretty awesome playground. You can get a game of soccer, whiffle ball, or tape ball (made from the office tape of course) going during lunch or "smoke" breaks. You can also get some good car tricks in here. Saran wrap, pudding, gooey stuff...toilet paper!
Oh, and there are other ways to get by at work. My friend told me a story about what her friend does to nap. Close the office door and lay down on the floor with like one body part touching the door. Spread paper clips all over the floor. Then, when the door opens, she felt it with her arm and was quick like "shit, I dropped all these paper clips".
Oh the things that can be done at work...
10.10.2008
COMICS!
Comics are the bomb, and no one reads them anymore! Here's a sampling for Friday, a day that everyone dreads and loves at the same time. Dreads going to work, loves going to play afterwards....
These are from Comics.com
and from Seattle Post
10.09.2008
It's Not About the Next Morning, It's About the Fun Before Bed
So, after going out last night for a friend's beday (or barthday) party, I'm a little knocked out today. I decided to write about the reason I'm a little knocked out today.
On the "Top Tens" website, they rate the best alcoholic drinks. It's crappy. Here's the list.
1. Beer
2. Rum and Coke
3. Vodka and Orange
4. Margarita
5. White Russian
6. Wine
7. Tequila
8. Absinthe
9. Jager
10. Moonshine
WTF. Seriously? Seriously?!? Whoever thought up this list is incompetent in drinking. I mean, a third grader could tell you that moonshine tastes like what his mom pours on his open wounds to disinfect them.
What about the interesting drinks? And why does Jager win over whiskey? Rum and coke = you've never been to a bar before and don't know what to order. Screwdriver is a classic. Margaritas are okay, but you have to put flavor in them!
So here's some options for my list. These are not necessarily in order, and my experience is not as wide spread, but its a WAY better list.
Rum and 7-Up (classy I know).
Franzia (only if playing slap-the-bag).
Beer - microbrews, interesting, with flavor (no this does not include Miller, Bud, Coors, anything else that looks like pee and tastes close - It does however include Red Stripe).
Car Bombs (which go on here because I had one last night, and it tasted like chocolate).
Sparkle Bombs - tequila, champagne, and pineapple juice, very very tasty.
Whiskey and soda (root beer or cola).
Vodka, Cranberry Juice, and Sprite.
Jungle Juice (come on, you know you secretly love it for its amazing powers).
A good ole gin bucket (gin, sprite, limes, lemons).
Pomegranate Martini (oh, yea, shaken, not stirred).
I win. Even though my list is not all-inclusive. I still win.
I feel much better that I have corrected this problem!
Happy-soon-to-be-weekend everyone!
On the "Top Tens" website, they rate the best alcoholic drinks. It's crappy. Here's the list.
1. Beer
2. Rum and Coke
3. Vodka and Orange
4. Margarita
5. White Russian
6. Wine
7. Tequila
8. Absinthe
9. Jager
10. Moonshine
WTF. Seriously? Seriously?!? Whoever thought up this list is incompetent in drinking. I mean, a third grader could tell you that moonshine tastes like what his mom pours on his open wounds to disinfect them.
What about the interesting drinks? And why does Jager win over whiskey? Rum and coke = you've never been to a bar before and don't know what to order. Screwdriver is a classic. Margaritas are okay, but you have to put flavor in them!
So here's some options for my list. These are not necessarily in order, and my experience is not as wide spread, but its a WAY better list.
Rum and 7-Up (classy I know).
Franzia (only if playing slap-the-bag).
Beer - microbrews, interesting, with flavor (no this does not include Miller, Bud, Coors, anything else that looks like pee and tastes close - It does however include Red Stripe).
Car Bombs (which go on here because I had one last night, and it tasted like chocolate).
Sparkle Bombs - tequila, champagne, and pineapple juice, very very tasty.
Whiskey and soda (root beer or cola).
Vodka, Cranberry Juice, and Sprite.
Jungle Juice (come on, you know you secretly love it for its amazing powers).
A good ole gin bucket (gin, sprite, limes, lemons).
Pomegranate Martini (oh, yea, shaken, not stirred).
I win. Even though my list is not all-inclusive. I still win.
I feel much better that I have corrected this problem!
Happy-soon-to-be-weekend everyone!
10.08.2008
News Round-up
Srav, this is for you. I took the time to do a longer one, because I knew you needed it.
So, today on CNN.com, I took the latest news titles and dissected them. I claim no truth to what I say, besides these are actual headlines.
So, today on CNN.com, I took the latest news titles and dissected them. I claim no truth to what I say, besides these are actual headlines.
CNNMoney: Wall Street cheers rate cut
Sounds Like: The street named Wall when out for drinks
Probably Is: The financial district is happy about some half-baked rate cut
McCain, Obama debate economy, taxes
Sounds Like: The last 5 months.
Probably Is: The same debate that has been happening for the past 5 months.
Obama picks up 2nd debate win, viewers say
Sounds Like: In an unexciting 2nd game, Obama picks up the win for the Demos, the Reps are at 0-2 for the season.
Probably Is: Obama won another debate. No way.
Report Card: How did they rate?
Sounds Like: Grades for strip clubs, get ‘em here.
Probably Is: Grades for hookers? (OH DUH, its about the election, like everything is!)
iReport.com: Who do you think won?
Sounds Like: In the “who’s is bigger?” contest last night, who measured up?
Probably Is: Another debate summary.
Full debate: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Sounds Like: An awful trilogy
Probably Is: Video coverage of McCain not having upper teeth, and Obama making semi-witty remarks.
See all debate videos Highlights, analysis
Sounds Like: BORING
Probably Is: BORING
Ticker: McCain debate moment targeted
Sounds Like: Unfair play, replays played, slow-mo, refs called incompetent
Probably Is: McCain said something stupid, like a racial slur, and someone caught it, and now the media is having a field day.
Age, health questions continue for McCain
Sounds Like: Are you gonna die soon?
Probably Is: Are you gonna die soon – in politically correct terms of course!
Fact Check: They said it. Was it true?
Sounds Like: Someone’s checking facts?!?
Probably Is: An attempt to catch someone lying.
AIG's post-bailout spa trip angers lawmakers
Sounds Like: After bailing out on lawmakers to go to the spa, they’re gonna get SUED!
Probably Is: AIG pulled an Enron – or at least something too close to comfort
Female suicide bomber kills 9 in Iraq
Sounds Like: They started letting women do things in Iraq?!?
Probably Is: They only started letting women kill themselves in Iraq.
Mom wants out of house to seek missing tot
Sounds Like: Mom wants to get out of bed to find the missing tater tot.
Probably Is: Mom is a suspect, but still wants to search for her kid – probably because she knows where he is.
SI: Mets reliever held in hit-and-run that killed 2
Sounds Like: Benchwarmer had a double that took out 2 bases - held for steroid suspicions.
Probably Is: Benchwarmer is a crappy driver and didn’t want to pay the consequences. Jerk.
Bill Murray says divorce is worst thing ever
Sounds Like: Bill Murray says divorce is worse than starving kids in Africa, AIDS, cancer, and eating bugs.
Probably Is: Bill Murray complains about his posh life.
Tiger Woods announces golf course project
Sounds Like: There is a project, involving golf, a course, a Tiger and a Woods.
Probably Is: Tiger Woods finally builds a golf course.
'Half-naked women' try out for football
Sounds Like: Yo, NEW SPORT – BETTER RATINGS!
Probably Is: Cheerleading?
5-legged toad appears to wave hello
Sounds Like: Mutant Ninja Toad on Mars appears to be waving to the Man in the Moon.
Probably Is: WTF? And who cares?
10.07.2008
The Depression
Depression is bad. Sometimes there's medicine for it. Too bad our economy can't take a big ole preventative pill.
Fortunately, there's good news!!
Ready!?!
People live through depression. All kinds of depressions. They live through others' depressions, their own depressions, monetary depressions, everything.
My Granny lived through the Great Depression. She was born in 1912. So she would've been 17-ish when it started. She got married, had my dad, lived a very long life in a little town, and gave me and my brothers LOTS of money for our birthdays! So, she was okay. So was mostly everyone else. So here's the real question...why are people panicking?
Already one guy killed his family and himself. Read here. Contrary to popular belief, during the Great Depression, there were not many suicides. People just dealt. And everyone can and will deal. Think about it. How many things could we go without that we spend money on? There are about 2847092387423 ways to save money, and we can do it. Everyone else did it. I plan to do it...or live in a Shantytown.
Now, I'm going to tell you what job you need in order to have a "recession proof" job. (No promises on a depression-proof job though).
1. Sales Rep
2. Software Design and Development
3. Nursing
4. Accounting Executive
5. Accounting Staff
6. Networking and Systems Administration
7. Administrative Assistant
8. Business Analysis and Implementation
9. Business Analysis and Research
10. Finance Staff
So basically, if you're not a business or IT major, you should switch.
P.S. - Economist don't really think we're going to enter a depression. So don't worry about anything I just said.
Fortunately, there's good news!!
Ready!?!
People live through depression. All kinds of depressions. They live through others' depressions, their own depressions, monetary depressions, everything.
My Granny lived through the Great Depression. She was born in 1912. So she would've been 17-ish when it started. She got married, had my dad, lived a very long life in a little town, and gave me and my brothers LOTS of money for our birthdays! So, she was okay. So was mostly everyone else. So here's the real question...why are people panicking?
Already one guy killed his family and himself. Read here. Contrary to popular belief, during the Great Depression, there were not many suicides. People just dealt. And everyone can and will deal. Think about it. How many things could we go without that we spend money on? There are about 2847092387423 ways to save money, and we can do it. Everyone else did it. I plan to do it...or live in a Shantytown.
Now, I'm going to tell you what job you need in order to have a "recession proof" job. (No promises on a depression-proof job though).
1. Sales Rep
2. Software Design and Development
3. Nursing
4. Accounting Executive
5. Accounting Staff
6. Networking and Systems Administration
7. Administrative Assistant
8. Business Analysis and Implementation
9. Business Analysis and Research
10. Finance Staff
So basically, if you're not a business or IT major, you should switch.
P.S. - Economist don't really think we're going to enter a depression. So don't worry about anything I just said.
10.06.2008
20 Things You Didn't Know About Pencils - And Still Don't Want Too
I am currently reading this article, which I will finish before I type the summary below (I promise). It is called 20 Things You Didn't Know about Pencils. These articles always amaze me. As intriguing as pencils aren't, I still wanted to read this article. And you'll still read the summary, because, it's a welcome distraction (even if Srav is the only one that reads this because she is studying)!
So, 20 things you never wanted to know about pencils...
1. They don't cause lead poisoning if you stab someone. Only lawsuits and possible infections.
2. One guy saw another guy involved in Watergate and "fleetingly considered" stabbing him in the neck. It would be a much better #2 if he did (no pun intended).
3. Graphite is from the Greek word "graphein" which means "to write".
4. The word pencil is from the Latin word "penicillus" which means "little tail". (WTF?)
5. Graphite sticks to paper, that's how pencil marks show up. (BORING)
6. "The average pencil holds enough graphite to draw a line about 35 miles long or to write roughly 45,000 words." Statistics have not been proven.
7. The modern pencil dates to 1565.
8. Pencil sharpeners - 1828. (Before that they probably used a knife, which is what my mom did when she couldn't find our pencil sharpener. Ghetto I know.)
9. Before erasers, they removed mistakes with breadcrumbs.
10. Pencils sold in America most likely come with eraser tips on the ends. In Europe, pencils don't come with erasers. (This article suggests that Europeans are more confident scribblers. I say, "erasers sold separately").
11. Henry David Thoreau wrote "Walden" with pencils. His father owned a pencil making shop thing. (I hated reading Thoreau).
12. 1861, first factory in NYC devoted to pencil making.
13. Pencils were among basic equipment issued to Union soldiers in the Civil War.
14. "The mechanical pencil was patented in 1822. The company founded by its British developers prospered until 1941, when the factory was bombed, presumably by pencil-hating Nazis" (Maybe the Nazis just hated Henry David Thoreau).
15. After Soviets declared USSR a country, some American entrepreneur was awarded a monopoly for producing pencils there.
16. More than half the world's pencils (10 billion). (Fancy that.)
17. Pencils can write in zero-gravity and were used in the first spaceships. Even though NASA engineers were worried about flammability in pure oxygen and bits of graphite floating around.
18. After Apollo 1 fire, NASA banned pencils. (HAHAHAHA.)
19. "The world’s largest pencil is a Castell 9000, on display at the manufacturer’s plant near Kuala Lumpur. Made of Malaysian wood and polymer, it stands 65 feet high." (They fail to mention why anyone would EVER need a pencil that big.)
20. "At the other extreme, engineers at the University of California at Santa Barbara have used an atomic force microscope as a kind of pencil to draw lines 50 nanometers (two millionths of an inch) wide. Just because they could."
Now, that really failed to entertain me. I'm actually quite bored. BUT, they gave me other links at the bottom of the page that I could look at too. Just because there are 3 OTHER topics that I could learn 2o things about, even though I don't want too. Funny, because these sound WAY more interesting than pencils.
Related Links From Discover
•20 things you didn't know about ... nothing
•20 things you didn't know about ... robots
•20 things you didn't know about ... lab accidents
Enjoy. Let me know if you read any of these.
So, 20 things you never wanted to know about pencils...
1. They don't cause lead poisoning if you stab someone. Only lawsuits and possible infections.
2. One guy saw another guy involved in Watergate and "fleetingly considered" stabbing him in the neck. It would be a much better #2 if he did (no pun intended).
3. Graphite is from the Greek word "graphein" which means "to write".
4. The word pencil is from the Latin word "penicillus" which means "little tail". (WTF?)
5. Graphite sticks to paper, that's how pencil marks show up. (BORING)
6. "The average pencil holds enough graphite to draw a line about 35 miles long or to write roughly 45,000 words." Statistics have not been proven.
7. The modern pencil dates to 1565.
8. Pencil sharpeners - 1828. (Before that they probably used a knife, which is what my mom did when she couldn't find our pencil sharpener. Ghetto I know.)
9. Before erasers, they removed mistakes with breadcrumbs.
10. Pencils sold in America most likely come with eraser tips on the ends. In Europe, pencils don't come with erasers. (This article suggests that Europeans are more confident scribblers. I say, "erasers sold separately").
11. Henry David Thoreau wrote "Walden" with pencils. His father owned a pencil making shop thing. (I hated reading Thoreau).
12. 1861, first factory in NYC devoted to pencil making.
13. Pencils were among basic equipment issued to Union soldiers in the Civil War.
14. "The mechanical pencil was patented in 1822. The company founded by its British developers prospered until 1941, when the factory was bombed, presumably by pencil-hating Nazis" (Maybe the Nazis just hated Henry David Thoreau).
15. After Soviets declared USSR a country, some American entrepreneur was awarded a monopoly for producing pencils there.
16. More than half the world's pencils (10 billion). (Fancy that.)
17. Pencils can write in zero-gravity and were used in the first spaceships. Even though NASA engineers were worried about flammability in pure oxygen and bits of graphite floating around.
18. After Apollo 1 fire, NASA banned pencils. (HAHAHAHA.)
19. "The world’s largest pencil is a Castell 9000, on display at the manufacturer’s plant near Kuala Lumpur. Made of Malaysian wood and polymer, it stands 65 feet high." (They fail to mention why anyone would EVER need a pencil that big.)
20. "At the other extreme, engineers at the University of California at Santa Barbara have used an atomic force microscope as a kind of pencil to draw lines 50 nanometers (two millionths of an inch) wide. Just because they could."
Now, that really failed to entertain me. I'm actually quite bored. BUT, they gave me other links at the bottom of the page that I could look at too. Just because there are 3 OTHER topics that I could learn 2o things about, even though I don't want too. Funny, because these sound WAY more interesting than pencils.
Related Links From Discover
•20 things you didn't know about ... nothing
•20 things you didn't know about ... robots
•20 things you didn't know about ... lab accidents
Enjoy. Let me know if you read any of these.
10.03.2008
Extra Friday Post
This is an extra Friday post, because it's kind of hilarious and I just wanted to share.
Welfare Poem
I cross ocean
poor and broke
Take bus,
see employment folk.
Nice man treat me
good in there,
Say I need to
see welfare
Welfare say,
'You come no more,
We send cash
right to your door.'
Welfare checks,
they make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep
you healthy!
By and by,
I get plenty money,
Thanks to you,
American dummy.
Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them 'come fast as you can.'
They come in turbans
and Ford trucks,
I buy big house with welfare bucks
They come here,
we live together,
More welfare checks, it gets better!
Fourteen families,
they moving in,
But neighbor's patience
wearing thin.
Finally, white guy
moves away,
Now I buy his house,
and then I say,
'Find more aliens
for house to rent.'
And in the yard
I put a tent.
Send for family
they just trash,
But they, too,
draw the welfare cash!
Everything is very good,
And soon we own the neighborhood
We have hobby
it's called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.
Kid's need dentist?
Wife's need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!
American's crazy!
He pay all year,
To keep welfare running here.
We think America
darn good place!
Too darn good for
the white man race.
If they no like us, they can scram,
Got lots of room in Pakistan.
Now, obviously this is a little, eh, prejudice. The whole point is that someone is mad because refugees get paid about $500 more per month than a person who has worked for 40-50 years and is drawng a pension. The whole point that is missed is that pensioners are generally not supporting a couple of kids and sending money back to family overseas. Another whole point that is missed is not everyone takes advantage. A third point is that $1500 a month really isn't enough to buy a house with, etc.
But it's pretty funny anyway.
Welfare Poem
I cross ocean
poor and broke
Take bus,
see employment folk.
Nice man treat me
good in there,
Say I need to
see welfare
Welfare say,
'You come no more,
We send cash
right to your door.'
Welfare checks,
they make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep
you healthy!
By and by,
I get plenty money,
Thanks to you,
American dummy.
Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them 'come fast as you can.'
They come in turbans
and Ford trucks,
I buy big house with welfare bucks
They come here,
we live together,
More welfare checks, it gets better!
Fourteen families,
they moving in,
But neighbor's patience
wearing thin.
Finally, white guy
moves away,
Now I buy his house,
and then I say,
'Find more aliens
for house to rent.'
And in the yard
I put a tent.
Send for family
they just trash,
But they, too,
draw the welfare cash!
Everything is very good,
And soon we own the neighborhood
We have hobby
it's called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.
Kid's need dentist?
Wife's need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!
American's crazy!
He pay all year,
To keep welfare running here.
We think America
darn good place!
Too darn good for
the white man race.
If they no like us, they can scram,
Got lots of room in Pakistan.
Now, obviously this is a little, eh, prejudice. The whole point is that someone is mad because refugees get paid about $500 more per month than a person who has worked for 40-50 years and is drawng a pension. The whole point that is missed is that pensioners are generally not supporting a couple of kids and sending money back to family overseas. Another whole point that is missed is not everyone takes advantage. A third point is that $1500 a month really isn't enough to buy a house with, etc.
But it's pretty funny anyway.
Suspicious Mail & How to Handle It
These are a certain company's rules for how to tell whether their employees are handling suspicious mail.
Jo, if any of the following ever happen to you Jo, make sure you contact your supervisor immediately, Jo.
1. Envelope does not have a return address.
2. It has an international address (yea, no love letters from Ireland Jo, they are dangerous Jo).
3. The envelope is damp, when the weather is not.
4. Looks or feels suspicious, lopsided, oddly shaped, or follows any of these rules.
5. Appears to contain an unknown substance (Jo, if there's a clear envelope, look through it to make sure it's okay Jo).
6. If the mail is from a usual source, but is not what they usually mail to you.
7. Has excessive postage (Jo, if there are 398027409238 stamps on it, don't open it Jo).
8. Has an unusual odor or protruding wires (Jo, if there are wires sticking out of the mail, you should probably not touch it Jo).
9. Packages that are crudely wrapped (because, Jo, criminals are sloppy people Jo).
So, now that everyone knows what kind of mail not to open, the world will be a better place!
Happy Friday everyone.
Jo, if any of the following ever happen to you Jo, make sure you contact your supervisor immediately, Jo.
1. Envelope does not have a return address.
2. It has an international address (yea, no love letters from Ireland Jo, they are dangerous Jo).
3. The envelope is damp, when the weather is not.
4. Looks or feels suspicious, lopsided, oddly shaped, or follows any of these rules.
5. Appears to contain an unknown substance (Jo, if there's a clear envelope, look through it to make sure it's okay Jo).
6. If the mail is from a usual source, but is not what they usually mail to you.
7. Has excessive postage (Jo, if there are 398027409238 stamps on it, don't open it Jo).
8. Has an unusual odor or protruding wires (Jo, if there are wires sticking out of the mail, you should probably not touch it Jo).
9. Packages that are crudely wrapped (because, Jo, criminals are sloppy people Jo).
So, now that everyone knows what kind of mail not to open, the world will be a better place!
Happy Friday everyone.
10.02.2008
Mr. Clean - dead.
Mr. Clean (aka House Peters Jr.) died yesterday.
And have I seen headlines about it?
No.
And why haven't there been headlines about it?
Because. All the headlines say something like "Sarah Palin is a cunt" on them.
[Sidebar: sorry for the dirty language. My friend has a friend who's boyfriend is dating another kid's best friend's brother or something and he started making these t-shirts with that saying on them. He became slightly famous and a lot of people want one now. Incidentally he's from Philly.]
Politics make this country dirty. Seriously. I have my own views and they are far from most of my friends on Republican vs. Democrat, etc. Honestly, politics makes people so angry and opinionated. Sadly, sometimes it is the only time they ever get passionate about anything. That's why we have all these headlines. People obsess. Quite frankly, I'm tired of it. If/when I run for president, I'm going to state my position, then, I'm going to be honest about everything I've ever done and everywhere I've ever been. Then, I'm going to go meet people and hope that the media leaves me alone.
Now, Mr. Clean died yesterday. And everyone deserves to know it. Poor guy never played a leading role in his life, and many don't remember his parts in Lassie or Gunsmoke. Well, he was in them. And when he died he was 92 years old. Still married. To his original wife. With two kids, who somehow combined with other people to make 4 grandchildren. Good for you Mr. Clean. Good for you and your little rebel hoop earring.
Now, how about this. Each of the candidates should dress like Mr. Clean tonight at the debate. I mean, they should AT LEAST shave their heads and put in a little earring!
Now Mr. Clean may only look like a cartoon in this commercial, but remember, he was a real live person, which most housewives secretly wanted to bang.
Now, take a moment of silence before returning to the dirty, dirty world.
And have I seen headlines about it?
No.
And why haven't there been headlines about it?
Because. All the headlines say something like "Sarah Palin is a cunt" on them.
[Sidebar: sorry for the dirty language. My friend has a friend who's boyfriend is dating another kid's best friend's brother or something and he started making these t-shirts with that saying on them. He became slightly famous and a lot of people want one now. Incidentally he's from Philly.]
Politics make this country dirty. Seriously. I have my own views and they are far from most of my friends on Republican vs. Democrat, etc. Honestly, politics makes people so angry and opinionated. Sadly, sometimes it is the only time they ever get passionate about anything. That's why we have all these headlines. People obsess. Quite frankly, I'm tired of it. If/when I run for president, I'm going to state my position, then, I'm going to be honest about everything I've ever done and everywhere I've ever been. Then, I'm going to go meet people and hope that the media leaves me alone.
Now, Mr. Clean died yesterday. And everyone deserves to know it. Poor guy never played a leading role in his life, and many don't remember his parts in Lassie or Gunsmoke. Well, he was in them. And when he died he was 92 years old. Still married. To his original wife. With two kids, who somehow combined with other people to make 4 grandchildren. Good for you Mr. Clean. Good for you and your little rebel hoop earring.
Now, how about this. Each of the candidates should dress like Mr. Clean tonight at the debate. I mean, they should AT LEAST shave their heads and put in a little earring!
Now Mr. Clean may only look like a cartoon in this commercial, but remember, he was a real live person, which most housewives secretly wanted to bang.
Now, take a moment of silence before returning to the dirty, dirty world.
10.01.2008
Survival Skills
As we all know, the economy is very close to being very bad. Frankly, it has been bad for years around where I grew up, so I'm not really scared. I've decided to share some survival skills with everyone so that ya'll can survive too!
1.) Fly on an airplane to another country right before the economy collapses.
2.) Gain a needed occupation in which you will never get laid off (i.e. clergy, nurse, doctor, military, ambassador, septic tank cleaner, garbage man, EMS, etc.)
3.) Learn how to grow your own fruits and veggies.
4.) Learn how to keep the bugs and animals away from your fruits and veggies.
5.) Buy real estate. It will always be worth something. Even when it's worth nothing.
6.) Watch the British guy on television that goes through the wild with nothing but a camera crew and pick up tips.
7.) Move somewhere where the weather is mild. Try to avoid hurricanes and/or huge blizzards (good luck).
8.) Take your friends with you.
That's all of my advice.
But really, think about it. When the economy goes, what will we have left? I'll have all my stuff. I'll have a laptop that I won't use unless I can afford internet and a printer. I have a bike that I can ride as long as I can afford new things when it breaks. I have a lot of stuff. Useless stuff really. Creature comforts - which don't get me wrong, they're nice. But, let's say the economy really did crash, and I got hit the worst. What would I do? Well, besides trying to follow as much advice above as possible, I'd find my family and my friends, and take them with me. Because they'd be all I had left.
My last little piece of advice, is get out of Philly (if you're living here now) if anything happens. People will start to get desperate. The violence may follow with a high probability. Some people will figure they'll be better off in jail where at least there is food and shelter 24-7.
Have a great Wednesday!! Here's a picture from cracked.com to make you smile, since the above is kind of depressing. The craption is: Waiting for the helium dealer, they look forward to getting high.
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